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You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you put a 5 dollar bill in a pop machine.:winkwink:

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you steal money from the Salvation Army buckets.:Graucho :1orglaugh :321GFY

Nice nick.
At first i though it was Pedo.

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you have ever been evicted from a place you own.:) :1orglaugh :Graucho :321GFY :winkwink: :thumbsup

this is fucking boring!

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you live in El Reno, Oklahoma.

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you stare at a can of orange juice, because it says "concentrate." :Graucho :1orglaugh :Graucho

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you take your wife to your mistress's wedding.:winkwink: :winkwink: :Graucho :)

pls stop these useless threads...

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you use channel locks for a nose hair trimmer. OUCH :Graucho

you need to get a postbot like everyone else

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . it took you twenty years to figure out how to add single digit numbers. lol:)

Where do I find a postbot???

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you spit in the skillet to check the temperature.:1orglaugh

Wow! There is no way I could keep up with some of the peeps posting in here.

i dont know.
make a thread about it and ask people.

But I'll at least help the thread make it to the 1000 mark :)

This is getting ridiculous, but ill post once for good luck.

Good luck! :thumbsup

not for me, thanks...
:winkwink:

OK sounds good. woohoo!

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However, the only permanent damage done to him was that both of his ears were amputated. But, because he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Steve decided to invest his money in a small, but growing computer business. And, after weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him. The next day he had set up three interviews.

The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Steve asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The gentleman answered, "Why yes I couldn't help but notice you have no ears." Steve got very angry and threw him out.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" She replied, "Well... you have no ears." Steve again was upset and tossed her out.

The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Steve was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" And to his surprise, the young man answered: "Yes. You wear contact lenses." Steve was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man you are. How in the world did you know that?"

The young man replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no fricking ears!"

Why did the blonde cross the road?
I don't know, and neither does she.

What did the big black bucket say to the little white bucket?
''You're a little pail.''

Yo mama is so disgusting that every time she bends over to tie her shoes, she's gotta fart!

How many Osamas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They don't have lightbulbs in caves

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.

Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common?
A: They can both drive you crazy.

Yo' mama so ugly, she went to an ugly contest and they said "No professionals!"

Q: How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your backyard?
A: Your garbage can is empty and your dog is pregnant.

A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.

He said, ''I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang...so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear...''

''But how the heck did you burn the other ear?'' The doctor asked.

''How do you think I called you people?''

What is grosser than gross?
When you're kissing Grandma and she slips you the tongue.

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshield of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA's response was just three words, "Thaw the chicken."

Three bears came out of hibernation and they were stinky so they decided to take a bath. When they get into the bathtub, the last bear says to the first bear, ''Can I have the soap?''
The first bear says to the second bear, ''Who does he think I am -- a radio?''

Did you get it??

Well you aren't suppose to!! When you tell this to a friend get some people to laugh when you say the joke, so the friend looks stupid when they don't get it. Sometimes they will say they get it but they can't cause there is no point. So have fun with it.

Your mama is so fat that when she goes to a restaurant, instead of getting a menu, she gets and estimate.

2345q34534gt3

Yo' mama so stupid, she tried to steal a free sample!

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed and again the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expenses. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister.
Finally, the minister stood up and shouted "Having children is an Act of God!"

An older man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.
"Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills."

"I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her."

"I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to."

A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald -- the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton -- the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old. But Robert -- you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious."