My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

ill contribute to the posts

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

Damn :1orglaugh

loser

poor civic

we will get there faster that way :Graucho

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab.

ok tired of posting in this thread.moving on

rodney dangerfield is hilarious :1orglaugh

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."

I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

bukake!

born4porn is owning this thread lol :1orglaugh

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

:1orglaugh we should all post in here a little and get there quicker! :1orglaugh

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

the blacklight one looks awesome :)

One year they wanted to make me poster boy... for birth control.

I agree it would look amazing on any wall! :thumbsup

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."

Cool, only about 800+ posts away. :uhoh

gotta love playboy!

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."

lust works too! :Graucho

Nice I like that poster made up of all the covers. :thumbsup

:1orglaugh

:1orglaugh

:helpme

whats with all these wh0rethreads

this is my contribution

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!

I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

masterbation is key to a happy life:thumbsup

Mmm.... yes Russell Crow can be my master :Graucho

It is goimg 2 b a looooong thread :Graucho

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booi