This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and
>after a romantic evening of wining and dining they go
>off to bed.
>
>However, as soon as they settle down, the husband, not
>quite ready for slumber, leans over and whispers
>softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your little hubby
>wubby isn't quite ready for beddy-byes yet."
>
>The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to
>use the bathroom first."
>
>So off she goes, but on her way back she trips over a
>piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.
>
>Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone,
>"Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all
>right?"
>
>No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have
>mad, passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the
>wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way
>she trips over the same piece of carpet and again
>lands flat on her face on the floor.
>
>Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."

Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. After inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded toward the White River bridge. After traveling about 20 miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply right exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off or we might both be dead", stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper
for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't
believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. (Way to go,Lavinia).

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www.wyldpussy.com/webmasters.html

NOMINEE No. 1:

[San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man,using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's
windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.


NOMINEE No. 2:

[Kalamazoo Gazette]
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck. " Burns got a
friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on
something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."


NOMINEE No. 3:

[Hickory Daily Record]
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in
Newton, N.C. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.


NOMINEE No. 4:

[UPI, Toronto]
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted a demonstration of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawyers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.


NOMINEE No. 5:

[Bloomberg News Service]
A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of
a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near-airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.

NOMINEE No. 6:

["News of the Weird"]
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

NOMINEE NO. 7:

["The Indianapolis Star"]
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana.
A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle
loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.


NOMINEE No. 8:
[Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony," Honer said.

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www.wyldpussy.com/webmasters.html

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."

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PigPorn TGP Big Penis Webmaster Program - Free Bannerless Hosting!

.


[This message has been edited by pet (edited 07-08-2001).]

Bomb squad jokes, http://www.lightningfree.com/7/bake/whtz/bomb.html

Sorry about the 404 hope this fixes it
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The harder I work the luckyer I get

[This message has been edited by Bake (edited 01-26-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Bake (edited 01-26-2001).]

Pet....

That was actually a pure and total coincidence. BUT, as we all know, nothing good can occur in the absence of a Frogg. http://bbs.gofuckyourself.com/board/wink.gif

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www.wyldpussy.com/webmasters.html

This soldier had been stationed overseas and was fooling
around on his wife. She was back home in the states. She
found out about it through some anonymous letters.

The soldier gets a package from his wife. He finds inside a
batch of homemade cookies and a video tape of his favorite
stateside TV shows.

He invites a couple of buddies over to watch the tape. They're
all having a great time eating the cookies and watching
episodes of "South Park".

Right in the middle of one episode, though, the tape cuts to a
home video of the soldier's wife, on her knees, giving the
soldier's best friend oral sex.

After a few seconds, the best friend "does his business" and
she turns, on camera, and spits it right into . . . a mixing bowl
of cookie dough.

The wife then looks right into the camera and says, "I want a
divorce."

Now THAT'S a "Dear John" letter.
~~~~~~

When my son first start dating he said, "I want to marry a
good woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to
our kids, a woman who will make me happy."

I told him he'd better make up his mind.
~~~~~
Posted in alt.sex.bestiality:

I have had a fascination for animal sex and I have decided that
I would like to fuck my cat. Can anybody tell me how to go
about fucking a cat?.

Reply posted a day later:

You must make sure the cat can't bite or scratch you. Put a
bag over the cat's head and loosely tie it on. Now with the
cat's teeth covered slip little leather booties over its paws.

Gently tie the back legs together and then tie them to the
forelegs. Now throw the cat into the neighbors yard with the
big German Sheppard and Voila! You've fucked your cat!
~~~~~

What's the similar between American beer and having sex in a boat??

=
==
===
====
=====
======
=======
It's both fucking close to water!!
**********************************

Greetings /\\/\\
(Grolsch, the other dutch beer, made me do this)

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Good Advice: Never Eat Yellow Snow

.

[This message has been edited by pet (edited 07-08-2001).]

the chicken ran across the road....at the same time a monkey fell out of a tree.....across the river a elephant was cought fucking a rhino.....whats the funny part of this bullshit you may ask....you actually read the damn thing...you may not find this funny....but right now i'm laughing at you.ha ha

A lady was looking in her bedroom mirror when a genie appeared. He told
her she could have one wish. Immediately she said she would like to be
amply endowed. Boom, 44D's. When she walked downstairs, her husband said,
"Wow, how did you do that?" when the wife explained about the genie he
immediately ran upstairs to the mirror. The genie appeared and told him
he could have one wish. His wish was for his endowment to reach the floor.
Boom, his legs were gone!

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unlikely to be Y3K Compliant
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Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

A man went to the circus and asked for a job. "What can you do?.
the ringmaster asked.
"I can make love to 20 women, one after the other". the man boasted.
Not believing him, the ringmaster called all of the circus women.
Sure enough, the man made love to twenty of them, one after the other.
"All right you can start tomorrow night." the ringmaster told him.
So, next night, the man came out into the ring.
Twenty women followed him. He made love to the first, then the second...
but after 10, he was totally exhausted and collapsed.
"What happened"? the ringmaster asked.
"Dunno", he said. "It all went fine in rehearsal this afternoon".

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unlikely to be Y3K Compliant
-------------------------
Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

A soldier stepped up to the medic for a short-arm inspection. The medic
noticed a dot on the end of his penis and asked about it. "That's my
girlfriend's name, sir," he replied. "Her name is Dot?" asked the medic
"No sir," said the soldier, "when I get an erection it spells DOROTHY
JEAN CUNNINGHAM.
The next patient comes in and undresses. The first thing the medic notices,
of course, is the row of dots on the man's penis. "I see you too have a
tattoo of your girlfriend's name on your penis," he says.
"Oh no," the patient replies, "when I get an erection it says:
Welcome to Jamaica, mon, we hope you will enjoy you stay."

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unlikely to be Y3K Compliant
-------------------------
Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?

A hippie was riding a bus one day as it passes a convent and a nun boards the bus.
The only seat was next to the hippie.
The hippie is so stoned that he makes a pass at the nun.
She is offended and gets off the bus at the next stop.
The bus driver, having overheard the conversation, gives him some valuable info about the nun.
He says "That same nun goes to the cemetery and prays for the dead every Sunday at midnight, and she is very loyal to God". "All you need to do is pose as God and tell her to have sex with you".
The hippie is so wasted he tells the bud driver he's gonna do it.
That Sunday, he heads over to the cemetery and waits. When it reaches midnight, he sees the nun walk into the cemetery.
Out pops the hippie as God and commands her to have sex with him.
The nun agrees but only under one condition, that it can only be anal sex, because she doesn't want to lose her virginity.
The "Hippie God" agrees to the terms and fucks her up the ass at once.
When he's done blowing his load all over the nun's ass, he admits to her who he really is and dances around joyously.
The nun starts to laugh and she also is dancing around.
Puzzled, the hippie asks the nun, "Why are you so happy? I just tricked you into letting me fuck you up the ass".
The nun pulls up her veil to show that she is not a nun at all, but the Bus Driver!!!

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My 2 cents:

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and
sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to
him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence,
we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"

The other guy says, "Well, it just happened, it was a tongue twister
accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde
with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of
saying,'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said,
'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'....so she socked me a good one."

The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue
twister accident too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say
to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally
said, 'You have ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed bitch."


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FUCK ALL Y'ALL

I have been eaten. ;)