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a preist a pedo and a child molester walk into a bar
it was all one guy |
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i didnt even think of that. hmmm, true. |
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These are allegedly real questions asked in a court of law.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What is your date of birth? A. July 15th Q. What Year? A. Every Year. Q. What gear were you in at the moment of impact? A. Gucci Sweats and Reeboks. Q. What was the first thing your husband said to you when he awoke that morning? A. Where am I Cathy? Q. And why did that upset you? A. My name is Susan. Q. And where was the location of the accident? A. Milepost 499 Q. And where is Milepost 499? A. Probably between Milepost 498 and Milepost 500. Q. Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in Voodoo or the occult? A. We both do. Q. Voodoo? A. We do. Q. You do? A. Yes, Voodoo. Q. Officer, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A. Yes Sir. Q. Did the defendant say anything? A. Yes. Q. What did she say? A. What disco am I at? Q. So the date of conception of your child was 8th August? A. Yes. Q. And what were you doing at that time? Q. So she had 3 children. Were there any boys? A. No. Q. How many girls? Q. You say the stairs went down to the basement? A. Yes. Q. And these stairs, did they go up also? Q. How was your first marriage terminated? A. By death. Q. By whose death? Q. Can you describe the individual? A. He was about medium height and had a beard. Q. Male or female? Q. Is your appearance here pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A. No this is how I dress for work. Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A. All my autopsies are on dead people. Q. All your responses must be oral OK? What school did you go to? A. oral. Q. Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A. No. Q. Did you check for blood pressure? A. No. Q. Did you check for breathing? A. No. Q. So is it possible that the patient was still alive at the time? A. No. Q. How can you be so sure, Doctor? A. Because his brain was in a jar on my desk. Lol. Gotta love the "Oral" answer. All true cases too! |
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Ok this ones GOTTA win.
Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) Mouse Balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be harder and larger than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending on the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist off method. Mouse Balls are usually not static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items. |
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times."
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jackson, you win week number 2 with this one........lmfaooooooooo you had me cracking up with a few of the other posts, but this one takes week number 2:1orglaugh :thumbsup |
There is this girl with no arm and no legs sitting on the beach. A guy walked by and she started crying. The guy asked why are you crying she said I have never been kissed before so the guy kisses her. She starts crying again. The guy asked why are you crying she said I have never been screwed before. So the guy picked her up and threw her in the water and said now your screwed.
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haha awesome man thats wats up :thumbsup
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so think of what you'd like in the sig:thumbsup |
Several years ago the US Army funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took 2 years and cost of $180,000. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, N.O.W. decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the federal study were incorrect. After three years of research and costs in excess of $250,000, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide men with more pleasure during sex. Not long after, the national marketing director of Hooter's (faced with a threatened OSHA inquiry) decided to conduct their own study. Over the course of one weekend, (and a net profit of $2200 in tips) their study found that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent his hand from flying up and hitting him in the forehead. |
A woman went into a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said £50.00. "Why so little?" she asked the pet shop owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought: "That's not so bad." When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith!" |
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A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled." |
There was a father and his little boy that went into a local drug store to pick up a prescription. While in the store the little boy was looking around and came upon a rather large display for condoms. The little boy looked at all the brightly colored packages and the different types and the different quantities.
The little boy went to his father and asked "Daddy, what are these condoms?" The father, stuttered, and said "Well, they are for protection from diseases when a man and a woman make love." The little boy contemplated the concept for a few moments and then asked "Then, why do these come in a package of three?" The father coyly answered "Those are for young men in high school. One for Friday night, one for Saturday night and one for Sunday afternoon." "UH-HUH" said the little boy, "then why are these in packages of six?" The father smirked "Those are for young men in college. There are two for Friday night, two for Saturday night and two for Sunday afternoon." "WOW" said the little boy in amazement. He then asked "Well, then why are these packaged a dozen at a time?" The father answered "Those, my son, are for married men. One for January, one for February..." |
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A few days old but still makes me laugh... you have to see this episode :1orglaugh
http://www.slutpics.ca/105_09.jpg |
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http://www.hbo.com/larrydavid/img/ep...rry_krazee.jpg
I'm Coming To Get Ya'! So you think you're gonna cross me, and mess with my sh*t? Opening your f*ckin' trap, and flappin' your lip. Don't f*ck with me n*gga, you're gonna get dropped! I'll snap off your neck, with a crackle and pop! If you say anything, you'll beg me to die. 'Cause I'll make you suck my d*ck, then I'll n*t in your eye! I'll stomp on your world, as if my name was Godzilla. I'm comin' for you muthaf*cka (b*tch?), I'm your Krazee-Eyez Killa! http://www.hbo.com/larrydavid/img/ep...e_painting.jpg |
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Oz was a great show |
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------------------ CLASSIC SOPRANO MOMENT------------------------
"Ralphie, the Girl is dead, A GIRL IS DEAD!!!" http://teenpiccentral.com/images/whore.jpg |
little boy blew
he needed the $ |
And for all you tranny fans...... (Creative)...
http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/0510.jpg |
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