2004 Darwin Awards - GoFuckYourself.com

RP Fade · 04-16-2004, 02:24 PM

Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees this year in reverse
order are:

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down killing
both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle
shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the
hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end of the
trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as the ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the
gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been
thought of as 'bright'by his peers.

AND THE WINNER.....

1.Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a
foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled
between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the
course.

Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.

DR_PHIL · 04-16-2004, 02:35 PM

RP Fade · 04-16-2004, 02:50 PM

This just gives me chills..

Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside.

dirtyone · 04-16-2004, 02:58 PM

It does my heart good to see people giving back to socity by removing themselves from the gene pool.

ChewbaCreative · 04-16-2004, 03:02 PM

lol ;)

Brujah · 04-16-2004, 03:06 PM

did you have to tell the ball washer one ? ooouuuuuuuccccccchhhhhhhhhhh

Thong Sniper · 04-16-2004, 03:14 PM

when has gasoline and milk ever equaled alcohol?

Manowar · 04-16-2004, 03:19 PM

the darwin awards rule, makes me feel a hell of a lot less stupid sometimes

On-top · 04-16-2004, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Brujah
did you have to tell the ball washer one ? ooouuuuuuuccccccchhhhhhhhhhh

Hahahaha!! Yeah, that was difficult to read...

NetRodent · 04-16-2004, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RP Fade
Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

This exact list has been out since atleast 2002:
http://www.morejokes.co.uk/jokes/732/

Some parts of it date back to 1995 and are NOT true:
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html

On-top · 04-16-2004, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by NetRodent

This exact list has been out since atleast 2002:
http://www.morejokes.co.uk/jokes/732/

Some parts of it date back to 1995 and are NOT true:
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html

Sweet...Good call. I was at the Darwin Awards site trying to find the new list earlier today, and didn't have much luck.

Kalifornia · 04-16-2004, 07:26 PM

n3in · 04-16-2004, 07:32 PM

it's amazing how stupid some people are

cold_ice · 04-16-2004, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by NetRodent

This exact list has been out since atleast 2002:
http://www.morejokes.co.uk/jokes/732/

Some parts of it date back to 1995 and are NOT true:
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html

Haha still funny shit

04-16-2004, 02:24 PM	#1
RP Fade Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 3,343	2004 Darwin Awards Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees this year in reverse order are: 7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down killing both him and his sister. 6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward. 5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles. 4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end of the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma." 3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as the ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized. 2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright'by his peers. AND THE WINNER..... 1.Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course. Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it. __________________ HomemadeCash.com - Homemade & GF sites powered by NScash.com HomemadeVideoPass.com - The only all homemade mega site OurHomemadePorno.com - Real couples fucking on camera Contact ICQ: 400-786-531 Email: fade AT nscash.com

04-16-2004, 02:50 PM	#3
RP Fade Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 3,343	This just gives me chills.. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. __________________ HomemadeCash.com - Homemade & GF sites powered by NScash.com HomemadeVideoPass.com - The only all homemade mega site OurHomemadePorno.com - Real couples fucking on camera Contact ICQ: 400-786-531 Email: fade AT nscash.com

04-16-2004, 03:02 PM	#5
ChewbaCreative Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 1,118	lol ;) __________________ high design. high creative. adultcreative

04-16-2004, 03:06 PM	#6
Brujah Beer Money Baron Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: brujah / gmail Posts: 22,157	did you have to tell the ball washer one ? ooouuuuuuuccccccchhhhhhhhhhh __________________ Free Premium Domain Lists and Tools at Clickmojo.com For Sale: Obscenity.com

04-16-2004, 03:14 PM	#7
Thong Sniper Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,319	when has gasoline and milk ever equaled alcohol? __________________ <vb>signature</vb>

04-16-2004, 02:35 PM	#2
DR_PHIL Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Never visits the same thread twice Posts: 4,099

04-16-2004, 02:58 PM	#4
dirtyone Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: God's Country (Georgia) Posts: 3,706	It does my heart good to see people giving back to socity by removing themselves from the gene pool.

04-16-2004, 03:19 PM	#8
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528	the darwin awards rule, makes me feel a hell of a lot less stupid sometimes

04-16-2004, 07:26 PM	#12
Kalifornia Registered User Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 734

04-16-2004, 07:32 PM	#13
n3in Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Michigan Posts: 1,377	it's amazing how stupid some people are __________________ My sig was changed cause I don't know how to read the rules on this page http://www.gofuckyourself.com/gfy_faqs.html You can contact me about getting on as an advertiser - eric AT adult.com