Funny Answering Machine Messages - GoFuckYourself.com

LadyMischief · 04-01-2004, 05:27 PM

These are actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by
the world famous international institute of answering machine answers.

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll
leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're
finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why
we're not here, so leave a message.

3. Speak.

4. Hi, Now you say something.

5. Hi, I'm not at home right now, but my answering machine is,so you
can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?

7. (From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Santo. If you leave message,
I call you soon. If you leave "sexy message," I call you sooner!

8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one
of these magnets.

9. Hello, You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are clean. They give charity through their office and do not
need their pictures taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and
number and they will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your
reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think
about returning your call.

11. Hi. I am probably home. I'm avoiding
someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's
you.

12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

13. If you are a burglar, then we're at home cleaning our weapons
right now and can't answer the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home
and it is safe to leave us a message.

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone
right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes
doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So
leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back
to you.

Happy April Fools!!

MrJackMeHoff · 04-01-2004, 05:31 PM

LadyMischief · 04-01-2004, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MrJackMeHoff

Fucking rights.

sean416 · 04-01-2004, 05:33 PM

lol. I like number 14.

maxdaname · 04-01-2004, 05:51 PM

I am so using them for my voice mail!

KMR Stitch · 04-01-2004, 05:57 PM

The best voice mail is this one.

Hello... wait 3 seconds... oh hey whats up? wait 2 seconds..

cool.. hey but I am not home right now so leave a msg after the beep.

Loryn · 04-01-2004, 06:05 PM

I like number 2.

digifan · 04-01-2004, 07:18 PM

And what about 8?

Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Screaming · 04-01-2004, 07:21 PM

im stuck between 8 and 10

Tala · 04-01-2004, 07:23 PM

My personal favorite: Hello. If we had wanted to talk to you, we would have answered the phone.

04-01-2004, 05:27 PM	#1
LadyMischief Orgasms N Such! Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Oakville, Ontario Posts: 18,135	Funny Answering Machine Messages These are actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world famous international institute of answering machine answers. 1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. 2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here, so leave a message. 3. Speak. 4. Hi, Now you say something. 5. Hi, I'm not at home right now, but my answering machine is,so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. 6. Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you? 7. (From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Santo. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy message," I call you sooner! 8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. 9. Hello, You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give charity through their office and do not need their pictures taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. 10. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call. 11. Hi. I am probably home. I'm avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. 12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. 13. If you are a burglar, then we're at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't answer the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it is safe to leave us a message. 14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. 15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you. Happy April Fools!! __________________ ICQ 3522039 Content Manager - orgasm.com [email protected]

04-01-2004, 05:31 PM	#2
MrJackMeHoff Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: LOLLIPOP ISLAND =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Posts: 4,569	__________________

04-01-2004, 05:33 PM	#4
sean416 Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Toronto Posts: 3,633	lol. I like number 14. __________________ ServerProvider.com

04-01-2004, 06:05 PM	#7
Loryn Super Connector Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 12,853	I like number 2. __________________ ~ loryn@loryntaylor . com ~ RIP TD

04-01-2004, 07:18 PM	#8
digifan The Profiler Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: ICQ 76281726 and I'm female Posts: 14,618	And what about 8? Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. __________________ [email protected] Webair Rocks

04-01-2004, 05:51 PM	#5
maxdaname Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 5,193	I am so using them for my voice mail!

04-01-2004, 05:57 PM	#6
KMR Stitch I am cool Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 14,494	The best voice mail is this one. Hello... wait 3 seconds... oh hey whats up? wait 2 seconds.. cool.. hey but I am not home right now so leave a msg after the beep.

04-01-2004, 07:21 PM	#9
Screaming I can change this!!!!! Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 18,972	im stuck between 8 and 10 __________________

04-01-2004, 07:23 PM	#10
Tala Fucked if I know Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Do you have a flag? Posts: 23,368	My personal favorite: Hello. If we had wanted to talk to you, we would have answered the phone. __________________ ICQ: 11120676 \| Google: mindcrime \| Skype: suitemindcrime\|E-Mail: mindcrime AT gmail.com\|PR girl with great writing skills for hire!!!! Contact me to work for YOU!\|TECHIEMEDIA? 24/7 support from some of the best techs in the biz. Tell Jim that I sent you.