The Last Person to ever post is this Thread wins $250 (paypal)

[Digibucks]

did i win? paypal [email protected]

Thanks

[Smokey The ßear]

What's brown and sticky?

[Smokey The ßear]

A stick.

[ClamSmacker]

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning

[Digibucks]

sorry did you get my paypal address right its [email protected]

[Smokey The ßear]

What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?

[ClamSmacker]

I like every bone in your body especially mine.

[Smokey The ßear]

If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

[stembolt]

hahaha

neva won owt

[Nanda]

Smokey, are u suing a bot, or u haven't slept???

[Smokey The ßear]

I'd cross the hottest desert

[ClamSmacker]

Will you be my love buffet so I can lay you out on a table and take anything I want?

[Nanda]

Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does...

[Smokey The ßear]

You must have come from the shallow end of the gene pool.

[Nanda]

You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...

[Digibucks]

Two nude statues (one male and one female) had been standing in a beautiful park for 99 years.

On their 100th anniversary in the park an angel came down from heaven to talk to the statues.

He said to them, 'God has been watching you for the past 100 years and has been very pleased with the two of you. So pleased in fact that he has decided to make you human for a short time.'

The angel then went on to say that they would be human for 15 minutes and would finally be able to pleasure themselves in a manner in which they have only fantasized about for the last 100 years.

The statues were so excited they could hardly believe it. The second they became human they ran off together behind the bushes. The angel heard the rustling of the bushes and shouts of joy and laughter.

After 10 minutes the statues returned from behind the bushes sweating and laughing. The angel told the statues that they still had five more minutes.

The male statue quickly turned to the female statue and said:
`Cool, this time, you hold down the pigeon and I'll shit on its head.'

[ClamSmacker]

Baby I'm like milk, I'll do your body good.

[stembolt]

wot u u win a years subscription to gallery submitter?

[Nanda]

Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot.

[Smokey The ßear]

the town flasher ran up and described himself.

[ClamSmacker]

Is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them.

[Nanda]

Dumb Alabama Laws

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

[Smokey The ßear]

What do you get if you cross an Irish man with a Gernan?

[Digibucks]

Over worked


For a couple of years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine , too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood or anything else I could think of.

But now I have found the real reason: overworked, here's why:

The population of this country is 273 million. 140 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Saddam Hussein. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for the state and city governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

And there you are sitting on your butt, at your computer, reading jokes.

[Nanda]

Dumb Alabama Laws

Dominoes may not be played on Sunday

[Smokey The ßear]

A man who's too drunk to follow orders.

[stembolt]

cum on know one else post i avnt eaten in months

[ClamSmacker]

Hey baby lets play army I'll lay down you can blow me up

[Nanda]

Dumb Alabama Laws

You may not drive barefooted.


It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.


It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.


Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.


Masks may not be worn in public.


Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.


Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.


Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.

[Smokey The ßear]

Two cows in a field. One says to the other 'What do you think about this mad cow desease?' The other one replies 'Blimey! a talking cow!' :D

[ClamSmacker]

If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

[Digibucks]

The Facelift


A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales Clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"



"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29."



"I am actually 47!"

This makes him feel really good.

While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."



As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."



Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"



The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."

[Smokey The ßear]

For sale : Twin beds

[Digibucks]

smoky - your mum is so fat no matter where she sits i am sitting next to her

[Nanda]

Dumb Alabama Laws

It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.


Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.


Incestous marriages are legal.


It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.


You must have windshield wipers on your car.


You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.


Anniston
You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.


Jasper
It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.


Lee County
It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.


Mobile
It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.


It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.


Montgomery
It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)

[ClamSmacker]

If your left is thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas can I visit you in-between the holidays

[Smokey The ßear]

one hardly used.

[Nanda]

New York Crazy Law
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.


Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M.

A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.


A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.


While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.


A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.


It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.


Carmel
A man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.


Greene
During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks.


New York
You may not smoke within 100 feet of the entrance to a public building.


Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers".


Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.


It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing "body hugging clothing."


Ocean City
It is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town.


It is illegal to eat in the street in residential neighborhoods, and the only beverage you can drink on the beach is water in a clear plastic bottle.


Staten Island
It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior."


You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand.

[Digibucks]

did i win yet. common end the posting already i am getting rsi

[stembolt]

any idea when this finishes?

[ClamSmacker]

You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!

[Smokey The ßear]

How do you tell an old man?

[Nanda]

New Jersey Crazy Law
It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.


You may not slurp your soup.

If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.


It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer.


On a highway you can not park under a bridge.


Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.


You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.


Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.


It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.


Bernards Township
It is illegal to frown as the town is a "Frown-Free Town Zone".


Caldwell
You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.


Cranford
Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.


Cresskill
All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.


Elizabeth
It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat.


Manville
It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo.


Newark
It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.


Ocean City
Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday.


People may not slurp their soup.


Raw hamburger may not be sold.


Raritan
Profanity is prohibited.


Sea Isle City
There will be no boiling of bones on the property.


Trenton
Pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays.


You may not throw a bad pickle in the street.

[Digibucks]

i think it finished now i won :D no need to post anymore

[stembolt]

is spamming away of life

[Nanda]

New Mexico Crazy Law
State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.


Carrizozo
It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.

Las Cruces
You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.

[Digibucks]

did you not here me thread has ended i won :D

[Nanda]

North Carolina Crazy Law
All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.


If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.

It's against the law to sing off key.

Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.


A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.


Barber
Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.


Chapel Hill
It is a misdemeanor to urinate or defecate publicly.


Charlotte
Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.


Elon College
There is to be no rollerblading during daylight hours, on the roads, or on the bricks. All the sidewalks at this college are made of brick. (Repealed in 1998)


Forest City
You must stop and call City Hall before entering town in an automobile. This is so the townspeople will have time to go out and hold their horses until you get through town.


Greensboro
Restaurants "with on sidewalk dining" must post their menu so that it is clearly readable from the sidewalk, but is not readable from the street.


Hornytown
Massage parlors have been banned.


Kill Devil Hills
You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars.


Rocky Mount
It is required that you must pay a property tax on your dog.


Southern Shores
It is against the law to rollerblade on a state highway.

[Digibucks]

listen it over finished dont waste your time posting anymore really

[ClamSmacker]

I want to kiss you passionately on the lips, and then move up to your belly-button