The Last Person to ever post is this Thread wins $250 (paypal)

[SlickRick]

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your lightsaber is equiped with a "kick start".
lol

[Jolly Rancher]

A. If you lay them properly the first time

[Nanda]

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.
"It's beautiful!" cried the man, "Does he do any tricks?"

"Yes he does," answered the salesman. "If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'"

"Amazing!" exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought.

"Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?" asked the wife. The man smiled and said, "Watch this."

Then he lit a match and put it under the bird's right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'

"That's incredible! Does he do anything else?" the wife asked.

"I don't know, lets see," replied the man. So he lit another match and put it between the bird's legs.

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire."

[amaze]

[Jolly Rancher]

you can walk all over them for life

[SlickRick]

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your father finally agrees to take you deer hunting and he hands you a lightsaber and says, "May the force be with you."

[DR_PHIL]

blah

[Nanda]

One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother go to church. Halfway through, the little girl tells her mother she's going to be sick. Her mother tells her to go in the bushes behind the church. The girl leaves and comes back after about five minutes. Her mother asks her if she threw up.
''Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way 'round the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'''

[Nanda]

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"

[kmanrox]

do i win yet?

[SlickRick]

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you use your lightsabor as a flare and you hear Ma say from the back porch, "Billy Bob, you get your ass in here rite now you're gunna put Bubba's other eye out!".

[Jolly Rancher]

A. They can't stand criticism.

[Nanda]

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.

[SlickRick]

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your lightsaber is the best lawnmower blade you've ever had

[Jolly Rancher]

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive