What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
Two more bullets.
Two more bullets.
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My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
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Q: Why did it take so long for Lorena Bobbitt to throw the dick out of the window? 
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An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!"
His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?"
He simply replied, "Just playing bed football."
Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7."
The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?"
He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!"My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
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A: She didn't have the balls. 
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What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue?
Well hung.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
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Q: What's a 79 ? 
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lol still goingComment
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John went on vacation to Helopisa. As soon as he stepped outside, SPLAT!!! A big piece of bird shit fell on him. He asked the first person he saw where he could wash it off.
''No! No!,'' they said. ''You cannot wash it off! That is good luck! The ancient foo bird has chosen you! You must never wash it off!''
''Hey, I can live with good luck!'' he thought.
But after a while, it started to stink. Every time that he was about to wash it off, someone appeared and said '' No! You cannot wash it off.'' So he left it on. After a week, people on the street started avoiding him. No one would give him the time of day anymore. So as soon as he got back to the hotel, he washed it off. At dinner time, he got dressed and left the hotel. At the first intersection he came to, he got hit and killed by a Mack truck. All because he washed off the bird shit.
The moral of this story is, ''If the foo shits, wear it!''My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
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Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 
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A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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A: 45 lbs. 
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What''s black, white, red all over, and doesn''t fit through revolving doors?
A nun with a spear through her head.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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fucking moronsFuck it dude, lets go bowling
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
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Do you know why blind people don't skydive?
It scares the crap out of their seeing-eye-dogsMy Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
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What do blondes and cow patties have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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Fuck it dude, lets go bowlingComment
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What's grosser than gross?
A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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A: 45 minutes. 
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!"
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On the night of the prom, a boy's girlfriend is changing upstairs. The boyfriend is waiting in the living room with the girlfriend's granpa and her dog Rover.
As the girlfriend is getting ready the boyfriend says to himself, ''Man I really gotta fart, I think I will let a little out.'' So he does and the granpa yells ''ROVER!''
The boy thinks to himself, ''All right, now he thinks it's the dog. I think I will let a little more out.'' So he does and the granpa yells again, ''ROVER!''
The boyfriend says to himself, ''All right, now he really thinks it's the dog. I think I will let the rest out.''
So he lets it rip and the granpa yells, ''Rover, get over here before that guy poops on you!''My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fartMy Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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A: Sexual harassment. 
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you actually enjoyed seeing the Princess Naboo get kicked off her throne and let a man rule the world
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Why don't witches wear undies?
To get better grip on their brooms.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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What's brown and in the military?
Gomer's pile!My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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A: $3.99 a minute.
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you put your lightsaber down your pants and brag about your big dick.Comment
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What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
It's ass.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead? 
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you've ever taken a telephone pole down to test a lightsaber.
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How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
When the cake jumps out of the girl!My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. 
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you've ever used a lightsaber to save yourself from a hellashus impact.Comment
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What is another name for a masturbating bull?
Beef Strokinoff.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''
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A: The sex is the same but you get the remote. 
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your priest carries a lightsaber in his boot for emergencies.
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Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? A Marriage
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you've ever tested your lightsaber on your little brother "tell me if this hurts"
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There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
"Get my brown pants."My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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what have you done wrong? 
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Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder!My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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