Here's a classic for the ladies out there......



<font face ="Comic Sans MS"><font size=+1><b>A Fairytail for the assertive woman of the Millenium</b></font>


Once upon a time, in a land far away,
a self assured princess happened
upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the Princess' lap
and said: "Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome Prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back
into the dapper, young Prince that I am
and then, my sweet,
we can marry and live with my Mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, dining on a repast of lightly sauteed frogs legs
seasoned in a white wine sauce, she chuckled to herself
and thought: I don't fucking think so.



</font>















Own3d.

LOL

Back to the whole Ukrainian/Russian thing.......




The phone rings at KGB headquarters.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this KGB?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his
firewood."

"This will be noted."

Next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.

The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house.

"Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?"

"Yes."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yes, they did."

"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."

Crazy KGB motherfuckers.

You know how to get to a girl's heart CD :-)

Glad to hear that. I'll leave the side door open for you and turn up the heat. :D

papuhaha269;ar...

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

good jokes tho :)

hahah good shit CD.. love the dachshund one.

good one, post more

I liked that one ! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

50 :Hollering

I'm from Ukraine originaly. I like borsh. :)

Your wish is my command.

Oh this is a good pet joke.....




A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned
on a night-light, turned the answering machine on the phone line,
covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned
the local cab company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front
door to leave their house. The cat they had put out
into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't
want the cat shut in the house because "she" always
tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi
while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The
cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house
will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that
her husband will be out soon." He's just going
upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away.

"Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke
her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then
I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from
scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass
downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car...

I don't know who said this, but it struck me as very profound.....


"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly
proclaiming...

'<i>Wow! What a fucking ride!</i>'"


~ Unknown.

LOL

That's a good one! :1orglaugh

Here's a quick Polish joke, to you know... show that I am very broad-minded and fair in my ethnic and cultural slamationizings....



In America the late night news used to broadcast this message:
"It's 11 o'clock do you know where your children are?"
In England they say, "It's 11 o'clock do you know where your wife is?"
In France they say, "It's 11o'clock do you know where your husband is?"

In Poland they say, "It's 11 o'clock do you know what time it is?"