Top 8 Morons of 2003 - GoFuckYourself.com

Tala · 02-04-2004, 02:20 AM

Top 8 Morons of 2003.

1.. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland,
California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a
robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup.
When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,! " the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMU NICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! In Modesto, California,
Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of
America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but fortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(hellllllooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!) Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE....Under the boat, still strapped
securely in place, was the trailer.

Does any one else find it frightening that the majority of these
events took place in California?

Trax · 02-04-2004, 02:24 AM

some of that is really good lol

NedFLanders · 02-04-2004, 02:26 AM

foolio · 02-04-2004, 02:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tala
Does any one else find it frightening that the majority of these
events took place in California?

I liked the post up to that point right there.

digifan · 02-04-2004, 02:27 AM

LOLMAO.

Tala · 02-04-2004, 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by foolio

I liked the post up to that point right there.

That was actually my husband's comment. He's from Manhattan Beach.

flashfire · 02-04-2004, 02:29 AM

Thats some pretty funny stuff

foolio · 02-04-2004, 02:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tala
That was actually my husband's comment. He's from Manhattan Beach.

Tala · 02-04-2004, 02:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by foolio

Just remember that your "dicksnot" comment from the other night guaranteed him to not get a swallow job for the rest of eternity. I'll never get that damn connotation out of my head.

Brujah · 02-04-2004, 02:35 AM

I think I saw a few of those guys posting in this thread:
http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showth...hreadid=230473

foolio · 02-04-2004, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tala
Just remember that your "dicksnot" comment from the other night guaranteed him to not get a swallow job for the rest of eternity. I'll never get that damn connotation out of my head.

LOL - Tell him I am sorry bout that.

Just look at it this way, if its good enough to go in the pussy its good enought to go in the tummy ;)

I hope that did not mess him up even more......

beemk · 02-04-2004, 02:50 AM

hahaha, those are great

mule · 02-04-2004, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tala
8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!) Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE....Under the boat, still strapped
securely in place, was the trailer.

LOL, reminds me of Choker:

http://board.gofuckyourself.com/show...hreadid=116241

Sp1nal · 02-04-2004, 07:28 AM

Funny trick with trailer

Carrie · 02-04-2004, 07:36 AM

LMFAO about the trailer!!!!!!

"6. ARE WE COMMU NICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!" "

This one is really cute. Men. Hehe (That's all I'm gonna say....

)

Head · 02-04-2004, 07:50 AM

That last one was the best!

Ash@phpFX · 02-04-2004, 08:51 AM

that is some seriously funny shit

KraZ · 02-04-2004, 09:06 AM

In 2002 at the Darwin awards there was some seriously funny shit - the guys at the Metallica concert and the two hunters with TNT dog.

Someone please post those - I feel lazy today.

KraZ · 02-04-2004, 09:09 AM

OK, I got it: THE METALLICA FANS

(1996) Police in George, WA issued a report on the events leading up to the deaths of Robert Uhlenake, 24, and his friend, Ormond D. Young, 27, at a Friday night Metallica concert.

Uhlenake and Young were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Uhlenake was in pickup that was on top of Young at the bottom of a 20-ft drop. Young was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He also had been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the ground, adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained scene.

According to Commissioner-In-Charge Inoye Appleton, Uhlenake and Young had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert. When they were unable to get any tickets, the two decided to stay in the parking lot and drink. Once the show began, and after the two had consumed 18 beers between the them, they hit upon the idea of scaling the 7-foot wooden security fence around the perimeter of the site and sneak in.

They apparently moved the truck up to the edge of the fence and decided that Young would go over first and assist Uhlenake. They did not count on the fact that, while it was a 7-foot fence on the parking lot side, there was a 23-foot drop on the other side.

Young, who weighed 255 lbs. and was quite inebriated, jumped up and over the fence and promptly fell about half the distance before a large tree branch broke his fall and his left forearm. He also managed to get his shorts caught on the branch. Since he was now in great pain and had no way to extricate himself and his shorts from the tree, he decided to cut his shorts off and fall to the bushes below.

As soon as he cut the last bit of fabric holding him on the branch, he suddenly plummeted the rest of the way down, losing his grip on the knife. The bushes he had depended on to break his fall were actually holly bushes, and landing in them caused a massive number of cuts. He also had the misfortune of landing squarely on a holly bush branch, effectively impaling himself. The knife, which he had accidentally released 15 feet up, now landed and stabbed him in his left thigh. He was in tremendous pain.
Enter his friend Robert Uhlenake.

Uhlenake had observed the series of tumbles and realized that Young was in trouble. He hit upon the idea of lowering a rope to his friend and pulling him up and over the fence. This was complicated by the fact that Uhlenake was outweighed by his friend by a good 100 lbs. Happily, despite his drunken state, he realized he could use their truck to pull Young out. Unfortunately, because of his drunken state, Uhlenake put the truck in reverse rather than into drive. He broke through the fence and landed on Young, killing him. Uhlenake was thrown from the truck and subsequently died of internal injuries.

"So that's how a dead 255 lb. man with no pants on, with a truck on top of him and a stick up his ass, came to be" said Commissioner Appleton.

Urban Legend Status conferred 31 Dec 97: Declared an urban legend by on the following grounds: Intensive searching of online Washington State newspapers failed to produce validation. The statement attributed to the Commissioner is obviously bogus, as police do not make light of deadly shenanigans and never use the word ass to describe the rectum. And the editor of another Darwin Awards page, www.officialDarwinAwards.com, actually contacted the Washington State sheriff's office, which disclaimed knowledge of this story.

TweetyBird · 02-04-2004, 09:10 AM

Omg !! number 8 is fuckin' unbelievable !!

02-04-2004, 02:20 AM	#1
Tala Fucked if I know Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Do you have a flag? Posts: 23,368	Top 8 Morons of 2003 Top 8 Morons of 2003. 1.. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up." 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. 4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. 5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,! " the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" 6. ARE WE COMMU NICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!" 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but fortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!) 8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!) Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE....Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer. Does any one else find it frightening that the majority of these events took place in California? __________________ ICQ: 11120676 \| Google: mindcrime \| Skype: suitemindcrime\|E-Mail: mindcrime AT gmail.com\|PR girl with great writing skills for hire!!!! Contact me to work for YOU!\|TECHIEMEDIA? 24/7 support from some of the best techs in the biz. Tell Jim that I sent you.

02-04-2004, 02:26 AM	#3
NedFLanders Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 412	__________________ omgwtfbbq

02-04-2004, 02:27 AM	#5
digifan The Profiler Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: ICQ 76281726 and I'm female Posts: 14,618	LOLMAO. __________________ [email protected] Webair Rocks

02-04-2004, 02:35 AM	#10
Brujah Beer Money Baron Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: brujah / gmail Posts: 22,157	I think I saw a few of those guys posting in this thread: http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showth...hreadid=230473 __________________ Free Premium Domain Lists and Tools at Clickmojo.com For Sale: Obscenity.com

02-04-2004, 02:50 AM	#12
beemk CLICK HERE Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 20,829	hahaha, those are great __________________ I host with Vacares

02-04-2004, 02:24 AM	#2
Trax [----------------------] Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 14,486	some of that is really good lol

02-04-2004, 02:29 AM	#7
flashfire ICQ 1 6 7 8 5 3 4 9 2 Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 13,098	Thats some pretty funny stuff

02-04-2004, 07:28 AM	#14
Sp1nal Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 425	Funny trick with trailer __________________ <br>

02-04-2004, 07:36 AM	#15
Carrie Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Virgin - nee Posts: 3,162	LMFAO about the trailer!!!!!! "6. ARE WE COMMU NICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!" " This one is really cute. Men. Hehe (That's all I'm gonna say.... )

02-04-2004, 07:50 AM	#16
Head Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Starship Enterprise Posts: 8,278	That last one was the best! __________________

02-04-2004, 08:51 AM	#17
Ash@phpFX Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 4,292	that is some seriously funny shit

02-04-2004, 09:06 AM	#18
KraZ Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: ICQ:: 18822023 Posts: 2,636	In 2002 at the Darwin awards there was some seriously funny shit - the guys at the Metallica concert and the two hunters with TNT dog. Someone please post those - I feel lazy today. __________________ Selling MedicalPorn,com and a dozen other gyno & doctor domains here: http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=871984

02-04-2004, 09:09 AM	#19
KraZ Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: ICQ:: 18822023 Posts: 2,636	OK, I got it: THE METALLICA FANS (1996) Police in George, WA issued a report on the events leading up to the deaths of Robert Uhlenake, 24, and his friend, Ormond D. Young, 27, at a Friday night Metallica concert. Uhlenake and Young were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Uhlenake was in pickup that was on top of Young at the bottom of a 20-ft drop. Young was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He also had been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the ground, adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained scene. According to Commissioner-In-Charge Inoye Appleton, Uhlenake and Young had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert. When they were unable to get any tickets, the two decided to stay in the parking lot and drink. Once the show began, and after the two had consumed 18 beers between the them, they hit upon the idea of scaling the 7-foot wooden security fence around the perimeter of the site and sneak in. They apparently moved the truck up to the edge of the fence and decided that Young would go over first and assist Uhlenake. They did not count on the fact that, while it was a 7-foot fence on the parking lot side, there was a 23-foot drop on the other side. Young, who weighed 255 lbs. and was quite inebriated, jumped up and over the fence and promptly fell about half the distance before a large tree branch broke his fall and his left forearm. He also managed to get his shorts caught on the branch. Since he was now in great pain and had no way to extricate himself and his shorts from the tree, he decided to cut his shorts off and fall to the bushes below. As soon as he cut the last bit of fabric holding him on the branch, he suddenly plummeted the rest of the way down, losing his grip on the knife. The bushes he had depended on to break his fall were actually holly bushes, and landing in them caused a massive number of cuts. He also had the misfortune of landing squarely on a holly bush branch, effectively impaling himself. The knife, which he had accidentally released 15 feet up, now landed and stabbed him in his left thigh. He was in tremendous pain. Enter his friend Robert Uhlenake. Uhlenake had observed the series of tumbles and realized that Young was in trouble. He hit upon the idea of lowering a rope to his friend and pulling him up and over the fence. This was complicated by the fact that Uhlenake was outweighed by his friend by a good 100 lbs. Happily, despite his drunken state, he realized he could use their truck to pull Young out. Unfortunately, because of his drunken state, Uhlenake put the truck in reverse rather than into drive. He broke through the fence and landed on Young, killing him. Uhlenake was thrown from the truck and subsequently died of internal injuries. "So that's how a dead 255 lb. man with no pants on, with a truck on top of him and a stick up his ass, came to be" said Commissioner Appleton. Urban Legend Status conferred 31 Dec 97: Declared an urban legend by on the following grounds: Intensive searching of online Washington State newspapers failed to produce validation. The statement attributed to the Commissioner is obviously bogus, as police do not make light of deadly shenanigans and never use the word ass to describe the rectum. And the editor of another Darwin Awards page, www.officialDarwinAwards.com, actually contacted the Washington State sheriff's office, which disclaimed knowledge of this story. __________________ Selling MedicalPorn,com and a dozen other gyno & doctor domains here: http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=871984

02-04-2004, 09:10 AM	#20
TweetyBird Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Canadian this !!! Posts: 8,532	Omg !! number 8 is fuckin' unbelievable !! __________________ sig for sale. ICQ :338213644