Brutally Funny High School Writers...

[Greg B]

THESE ARE THE WINNERS OF THE "WORST ANALOGIES EVER WRITTEN IN A HIGH
SCHOOL ESSAY" CONTEST IN THE WASHINGTON POST STYLE INVITATIONAL:

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)


She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door
open again.
(Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)


The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)


McBride fell twelve stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag
filled with vegetable soup.
(Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)


From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
"Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
(Roy Ashley, Washington)


Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)


Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the
center.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)


Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaak/ch@ung by
mistake.
(Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)


Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
(Unknown)


He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
(Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)


The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.
(Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)


Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a
movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like
"Second Tall Man."
(Russell Beland, Springfield)


Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward eachother like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.


The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after Dr. on a
Dr Pepper can.
(Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)


They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
(Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)


John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)


The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet
of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
(Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)


His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)


The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
(Unknown)

[jimthefiend]

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after Dr. on a
Dr Pepper can.
(Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)



thats actually good

[Greg B]

Jimmy I know! I like what the kids wrote! Very original and observant.

Better than that drab shit we get in novels today.

Writers should get more original. Let the leash off. I've read better writing on this board than what you get in the mainstream literature.

I've been in publishing for over 25 years now. Worked with the best of the best. The reason they're the best is because they won't stand by and let some anal retentive editor fuck up their work.

[mistersoft]

Those are wonderful

[Mateo1721]

"McBride fell twelve stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag
filled with vegetable soup."

[Manowar]

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.


I love this one

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

[Greg B]

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
(Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)


That's the one that killed me. I laughed so hard I got scared I couldn't stop. The neighbors heard me laughing and came outside to see what was going on.