Darwin Awards 2003?

[Greg B]

Dagnabbit! wondering if these are the official nominees.

Nominee No. 9: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break
a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself
to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 8: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alma, Mich., was killed
in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as
a "farm type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on
a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could
ascertain the source of a troubling noise.
Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other
man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 7: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in
December in Newton, NC, awakening to the sound of a ringing
telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed
instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when
he drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 6: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a
downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his
shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman
said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion
Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength
of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously
has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to
police reports Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden
Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was
"one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]:
A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the
death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark
on his body and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas
in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage
(and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods.
It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous
cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his
windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was
shut up in his near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was
a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three
of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.

Nominee No. 4: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously.
He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair
on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to
life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to
fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

Nominee No. 3: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk,
Indiana. A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the
barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon
discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor,
19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 PM.
Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader
that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look
into the barrel when the gun powder ignited.

Nominee No. 2: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium
apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his
death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when
the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional
Police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony,"
Honer said.

Finally, Nominee No. 1, The Winner!!! [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.
Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly
after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray
Wallis, 38, of Little Rock were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip.
On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had
burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that
the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to
the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again
began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound
toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing the
river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the
right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement and
striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the
accident, but will require surgery to repair the testicle. Wallis sustained a
broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on
that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off or we might both be dead" stated
Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a
first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident
happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many
frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck.

[necoeds]

[EZRhino]

Fucking sucks, lost signups and sales when these guys died.