What you can do for your next speeding ticket

[Dirtypainter]

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: *Yeah, and I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too


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[TheWatcher]

OMG.. hahaha that is so good!!! This one is a keeper.

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Peace will come, just kill them all...

[Hustler]

might have to try that one... one day except i have been pulled over and my car was a discription of a shooting i tell you that was no fun a shotgun to the head ahah thank god i had nothing to do with that shit...

[Bake]

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city.
He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to
a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't
believe
that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes
later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits
back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I
just
saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!".
The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a
shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow
down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down,
goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and
watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and
lands
softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks
it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't
slow down at all...SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and
the bartender says to him, "You're really an asshole when you're drunk,
Superman."

[boneprone]

that was good.

[Kat - Fast]

I actually laughed out loud.LOL!

[Techie Media]

Now that's some funny shit...LOL

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[Paul Markham]

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