15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife, , ,

[CDSmith]

<b>There are many fun ways of aquiring a new wife, and all of these are bible-approved:</b>

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. -Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. -Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. -Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: This one will cost you. -Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage.
Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of hard labor for a wife. -Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. -David (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) -Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. -Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." -Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). -David (2 Samuel 11)

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) -Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. -Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

15. A wife? ... NOT! -Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)




Imma try #3 next.

[Spunky]

Now why would anybody in their right mind would want a wife?

[RATBOY]

Is no. 3 some sort of biblical lingo for watersports?

[CDSmith]

Originally posted by RATBOY
Is no. 3 some sort of biblical lingo for watersports?

Have thee not heard the phrase "to water the flock"?


Art thou a heathen?

[Head]

That's Funny! Good one.

[johnbosh]

yeah

[Matt 26z]

LOL... Just because something is mentioned in the bible does not necessarily mean it is Christian law. It's just record that it was being done by some people at the time.

Number 1 on that list for instance is among quotes Moses was heard saying. It doesn't go into any sort of detail, and who knows what the true context was at the time. It doesn't really matter anyway.

If you are going to attempt to make fun of "Bible-approved" things, then at least make them quotes from Jesus himself.

[Kimmykim]

Originally posted by Matt 26z
LOL... Just because something is mentioned in the bible does not necessarily mean it is Christian law. It's just record that it was being done by some people at the time.

If you are going to attempt to make fun of "Bible-approved" things, then at least make them quotes from Jesus himself.

Lighten up. Most Christians of the non-militant variety would find this humorous, not intending to be harmful.

Geez.

[CDSmith]

Originally posted by Matt 26z
If you are going to attempt to make fun of "Bible-approved" things, then at least make them quotes from Jesus himself.

Thank you father murphy.

I had a feeling this was going to be a bit cerebral for this group.