The end of the free trials for ARS. - GoFuckYourself.com

Turboface · 12-11-2003, 03:14 AM

ARS will be eliminating Free Trials as of 12/15/03 due to their higher chargeback rate. Free trials will be replaced with $1 trials. History has shown that any paid amount for a trial yields less fraud and less chargebacks. Due to recent Visa regulations, AskCS.com / Global must have their chargebacks below 1%. Using Free Trials would make that very improbable. This is a move we didn?t want to make. However, due to the ultra high scrub levels recently instituted on Free Trials our data has shown that $1 trails are yielding HIGHER sign up rates (on traffic tested, your results may vary). To help ?compensate? for the change from FREE to $1 3 day trials we will be offering a 10% bonus the entire payout week beginning on Dec 15, 2003 (on $1 3 day trial referrals ONLY). We encourage everyone to see how well $1 3 trials convert and there is no better time.

I guess it's time to start changing links.

TDF · 12-11-2003, 03:15 AM

im so damb sexy it hurts

SomeCreep · 12-11-2003, 03:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by toodamnfli
im so damb sexy it hurts

isnt that juicy's line?

maxjohan · 12-11-2003, 03:18 AM

this is the end of the world..

TDF · 12-11-2003, 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by SomeCreep

isnt that juicy's line?

have you not heard of the chocolate guido?

yooooooooo shorttttyyyyy

Cash · 12-11-2003, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Turboface
I guess it's time to start changing links.

CECash still has free trials.

Turboface · 12-11-2003, 03:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cash

CECash still has free trials.

Were free trials supposed to stop alltogether, a month or two ago, thanks to Visa, or no?

Sylver7 · 12-11-2003, 03:23 AM

They are scrubbing the fuck out of the free trials anyway..

webgurl · 12-11-2003, 03:33 AM

Cash in Everybody , Hurry Hurry Hurry ... Only few days left !!! Take advantage of it !!
ARS is still # 1

reynold · 12-11-2003, 03:34 AM

Kinda makes you think... if a big, well-capitalized player like ARS feels this is a necessary step, wouldn't smaller players also stop offering these types of programs?

Wouldn't that bring us back to square one?

Quote:

Originally posted by Turboface
ARS will be eliminating Free Trials as of 12/15/03 due to their higher chargeback rate. Free trials will be replaced with $1 trials. History has shown that any paid amount for a trial yields less fraud and less chargebacks. Due to recent Visa regulations, AskCS.com / Global must have their chargebacks below 1%. Using Free Trials would make that very improbable. This is a move we didn?t want to make. However, due to the ultra high scrub levels recently instituted on Free Trials our data has shown that $1 trails are yielding HIGHER sign up rates (on traffic tested, your results may vary). To help ?compensate? for the change from FREE to $1 3 day trials we will be offering a 10% bonus the entire payout week beginning on Dec 15, 2003 (on $1 3 day trial referrals ONLY). We encourage everyone to see how well $1 3 trials convert and there is no better time.

I guess it's time to start changing links.

Turboface · 12-11-2003, 03:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by reynold
Kinda makes you think... if a big, well-capitalized player like ARS feels this is a necessary step, wouldn't smaller players also stop offering these types of programs?

Wouldn't that bring us back to square one?

All I know is that I'm not going to promote any 'free' sites from now on.

Cash · 12-11-2003, 05:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Turboface
Were free trials supposed to stop alltogether, a month or two ago, thanks to Visa, or no?

If I remember well, at a radioshow of CECash, FM said something like that: the 1% chargeback Visa barrier does not affect them due to their free trials, where customers are not charged at all for the 3 days, and any action taken by them after being charged would result in a credit towards their card and not a chargeback, thus keeping the percentage down.
Maybe I'm wrong if this is not correct, but they surely still have free trials, so that's the alternative to former free trial programs switching to paid trial.

Turboface · 12-11-2003, 01:42 PM

So, now with the free trials gone (or about to go), they have the $2.99 trials, the $4.99 trials, and monthly plans - and I guess the coming $1 trials.

Which way do you guys go with? I'm just gonna change all my links over to the $2.99 trials.

TondaB · 12-11-2003, 02:07 PM

WEGCash still pays $27 - $30 per Free Trial!

We are also adding an additional 10% to all free trial income generated between Dec. 15th and Dec. 31st.

Feel free to contact me tonda at wegcash dot com if you need help with creatives or picking out our best converting sites

Sign-up Now!

Marc De · 12-11-2003, 02:12 PM

reynold - the only problem with that train of thought is the fact that lesser volume makes it MUCH easier to manage chargebacks. The more volume you do, the more open you are to fraud and the harder it becomes to manage your 'risk' with affiliates (which does cause a lot of fraud).

In regards to some people's marketing spin on free trials and chargebacks let me present some data that will show otherwise. Also I'm sure most billing companies with aggregate data could prove that FREE trials have a SIGNIFICANTLY higher c/b rate than paid trials.

1000 Free Trials - 30% convert to memberships = 300 transactions
1000 $2.99 Trials - 35% convert to memberships = 1350 transactions

Now out of BOTH groups the mentality of a 'FREE' customer is they shouldn't have to pay for ANYTHING. They are predisposed to dispute any payment on their card. So, of the 300 lets say 10 chargeback. 10 / 300 is 3.33% chargebacks or VISA FINES!!

Now, the $2.99 customer acknowledged to paying something up front and understands that nothing is for free in life. They are much less likely to chargeback, but just for the sake of arguement, of the same 1000 sign ups lets say 8 chargeback, 1/2 of which also chargeback the trial transaction. That is a total of 12 chargebacks or 12/1350 = 0.89% or under the 1% threshold.

- - - - - - - -

TondaB - I can appreciate you attempting to pick up some of our stragglers from ARS dumping free trials but can you keep your promotion out of threads discussing our program. I wouldn't want to start targeting your webmasters... That would get ugly!

Rinaldo · 12-11-2003, 02:24 PM

www.sexpromote.com/rinaldo
still offering free trials and $30 per join

Please hit me up ... ICQ in Sig. and let's make some money !

TondaB · 12-11-2003, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Marc De

TondaB - I can appreciate you attempting to pick up some of our stragglers from ARS dumping free trials but can you keep your promotion out of threads discussing our program. I wouldn't want to start targeting your webmasters... That would get ugly!

Marc De -

How am I targeting your webmasters? ARS no longer offers a free trial therefore I am in no way competing with your program. Turboface posted that he would be changing his links and I merely posted what we have to offer.

Mr. T · 12-11-2003, 02:45 PM

[Enter the shameless plugs.]

...fucking vultures.

greenlab · 12-11-2003, 02:59 PM

I guess Homesexnetwork.com will still be offering free signups....they just authorise 1$ to the card, but actualy they drop it after a few days, and not actualy charging the card...

Marc De · 12-11-2003, 03:18 PM

TondaB - don't play stupid, I'm a bright enough guy to KNOW why you are offering a 10% bonus on FREE trials and why you are posting in ALL the threads about us. I mean I can create an offer as well, an offer I could trail all your posts with - anyways I don't need to go any further, WEG knows they're just trying to get a sip of my kool-aid...

greenlab - you are correct, Home Sex Network still offers free trials and they are TRULY free (no charging of the card until they chat with a host).

Hustler DJ · 12-11-2003, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Marc De
Now, the $2.99 customer acknowledged to paying something up front and understands that nothing is for free in life. They are much less likely to chargeback...

Not sure I follow (or maybe I just don't agree with) your logic here Marc -- if someone's intent on screwing the system and trying to get something for free, why do you think they're going to be more likely to chargeback on a free trial that they didn't cancel in time. Seems to me they're just as likely (maybe more) to c/b a paid trial with no free period in which to cancel.

Not trying to start shit - just seriously curious as to why that perception is out there (I'm sure you're not the only one with it Marc). I don't really see it with my Hustler VIP program (no link to avoid the perception of spam) -- do any of you other sponsors?
<br>

Ic3m4nZ · 12-11-2003, 03:46 PM

hmm that sucks but ARS will always stay a strong sponsor.

TondaB · 12-11-2003, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Marc De
TondaB - don't play stupid, I'm a bright enough guy to KNOW why you are offering a 10% bonus on FREE trials and why you are posting in ALL the threads about us. I mean I can create an offer as well, an offer I could trail all your posts with - anyways I don't need to go any further, WEG knows they're just trying to get a sip of my kool-aid...

I am not playing stupid, merely doing my job. My job is to gain market share. By increasing our share of preference (ie free trials), voice and promotion we can change the variables of the marketing mix and gain market share from our competitors. It is all about timing and staying on top of the game. Do not take this personally as we are not attacking you or your company. We are conducting business; it is as simple as that.

I have said what I have to say about this issue. If you want someone to post back and forth with, you might try the other free trial programs as most of them have been running promotions too.

If you want to discuss this in private feel free to contact me via ICQ, email or you can call Zimm directly

LA Mike · 12-11-2003, 04:38 PM

Good job Marc. I'm sure you're doing the right thing for the long haul. And guys believe me free trials don't do THAT much better then the $1 dollar trials do. And believe me most billing companies that let you do free's are going to scrub them a bit more.

Marc De · 12-11-2003, 05:52 PM

Hey Mike - Thanks bro... You sure you don't want to plug your proggy in this thread? LOL Oh wait, you don't need any of my kool-aid, you have your own. LOL

DJ - The facts are in the numbers, free trials for our traffic c/b rate is 3-4 times that of a paid trial. The sheer volume of micro payments help offset any chargebacks produced by someone forgetting to cancelling and getting billed $39.99 When you have free's you have no mass micro charges to help reduce the % of c/b from that very same issue.

I hope that makes sense

$5 submissions · 12-11-2003, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by toodamnfli

have you not heard of the chocolate guido?

yooooooooo shorttttyyyyy

Nice! Chocolate Guido

DoubleD · 12-11-2003, 06:25 PM

Yea, this is a good move, listen to Mark, and take it from someone who saw the effects the free trials had first hand. This will only help.

$5 submissions · 12-11-2003, 06:26 PM

Marc De,

Since you're one of the greater innovators in this biz and run one of the largest networks, please answer a question that's been bugging me for a while. What impact, if any, would MANDATORY rebill notifications to customers have on PPS networks such as ARS? Also, how does ARS plan to address the consequences or probable impact of the recently passed CAN SPAM act?

Thanks,

Gene
WebmasterLabor.Com

Quote:

Originally posted by Marc De
reynold - the only problem with that train of thought is the fact that lesser volume makes it MUCH easier to manage chargebacks. The more volume you do, the more open you are to fraud and the harder it becomes to manage your 'risk' with affiliates (which does cause a lot of fraud).

In regards to some people's marketing spin on free trials and chargebacks let me present some data that will show otherwise. Also I'm sure most billing companies with aggregate data could prove that FREE trials have a SIGNIFICANTLY higher c/b rate than paid trials.

1000 Free Trials - 30% convert to memberships = 300 transactions
1000 $2.99 Trials - 35% convert to memberships = 1350 transactions

Now out of BOTH groups the mentality of a 'FREE' customer is they shouldn't have to pay for ANYTHING. They are predisposed to dispute any payment on their card. So, of the 300 lets say 10 chargeback. 10 / 300 is 3.33% chargebacks or VISA FINES!!

Now, the $2.99 customer acknowledged to paying something up front and understands that nothing is for free in life. They are much less likely to chargeback, but just for the sake of arguement, of the same 1000 sign ups lets say 8 chargeback, 1/2 of which also chargeback the trial transaction. That is a total of 12 chargebacks or 12/1350 = 0.89% or under the 1% threshold.

- - - - - - - -

TondaB - I can appreciate you attempting to pick up some of our stragglers from ARS dumping free trials but can you keep your promotion out of threads discussing our program. I wouldn't want to start targeting your webmasters... That would get ugly!

MattO · 12-11-2003, 07:03 PM

time to incorporate in the EU

Shagwell · 12-11-2003, 07:18 PM

Marc De · 12-11-2003, 08:29 PM

$5 - I think madatory email notifications of rebill would drop avg retention but I don't think it would kill the model. Obviously lower retention may cause decreased commissions on PPS. It would take real data to determine those differences though.

As to the Can Spam - I don't think there will be that big of an effect on people who PROPERLY send opt-in mail. I don't know all the details of the legislation but I'll definitely get myself more versed with it ASAP.

gregtx · 12-11-2003, 08:54 PM

good point marc...

Those surfing for free trials do not want to pay period.... so if they do forget to cancel after the free trial... the average chargeback/credit ratio is also higher... in general..

we too noticed that on accounts that only sent traffic to our free trials when we offered them... also... you loose transaction counts that help offset every cb that comes in...

and lastly... it does eliminate 'non profitable' (trying to be PC) webmasters who only seem so send traffic when you offer free trials.. and for some reason the retention is well below par... they also seem to stop sending traffic and those who did convert "credti or c/b"

bena1975ca · 12-11-2003, 09:14 PM

How much do people spend on porn in the real world? I still fail to understand what the big deal about porn on the internet is.

I mean, there's no magazine you can get from 7-Eleven on "try before you buy" basis, and when was the last time you saw a "try before you buy" hooker on the strip - okay, there may be a few, I'm sure I don't want their phone numbers or addresses.

They still sell a huge amoung of magazines in millions of outlets around the world. All the internet does is to provide another medium in which to supply this media...did this stop people buying magazines? maybe, but I really doubt it made that huge an impact or they wouldn't still be selling magazines now, would they?

How many of you guys (and girls if you wish) have a stack of mags under your bed or in a box in your closet? I bet the majority of you do. What's the difference? You didn't get a free trial in order to determine whether or not you wanted membership before you bought the magazine. You took a chance and then if you decided you liked the magazine, you bought it again the next month - what's the difference?

What I think is that all this means is that there needs to be more creativity on the net. What keeps people coming back to your site? You provide something original, you provide something that holds the surfer's attention, you provide something that appeals to the end user.

I really don't think the loss of "try before you buy" is going to make that huge a difference, it just means that webmasters are going to have to be a little more creative with the presentation of the entry portals.

Carrie · 12-11-2003, 09:51 PM

Bena the problem with that is that in a store you can open up a magazine and flip through it before passing over your cash. You get to see what's inside and whether you think it's worth paying for.

With a paysite, you can't do that.

If you walked into a sex toy shop and asked for the Playboy behind the counter and the cashier said "Sorry, that'll be $2.99 to look it over", how fast would you tell him to shove it up his ass? (The Playboy, that is

)

12-11-2003, 03:14 AM	#1
Turboface Back in Black Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 9,976	The end of the free trials for ARS. ARS will be eliminating Free Trials as of 12/15/03 due to their higher chargeback rate. Free trials will be replaced with $1 trials. History has shown that any paid amount for a trial yields less fraud and less chargebacks. Due to recent Visa regulations, AskCS.com / Global must have their chargebacks below 1%. Using Free Trials would make that very improbable. This is a move we didn?t want to make. However, due to the ultra high scrub levels recently instituted on Free Trials our data has shown that $1 trails are yielding HIGHER sign up rates (on traffic tested, your results may vary). To help ?compensate? for the change from FREE to $1 3 day trials we will be offering a 10% bonus the entire payout week beginning on Dec 15, 2003 (on $1 3 day trial referrals ONLY). We encourage everyone to see how well $1 3 trials convert and there is no better time. I guess it's time to start changing links. __________________ Search Engine Optimization Services for Adult Sites

12-11-2003, 03:15 AM	#2
TDF Triple OG nigga on GFY Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: in the BP4L family compound Posts: 27,296	im so damb sexy it hurts __________________ Sig heil

12-11-2003, 03:18 AM	#4
maxjohan Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Sweden Posts: 7,219	this is the end of the world.. __________________ I went from 100 to 313,000 satoshis in 2 days! Lots of daily freerolls...

12-11-2003, 01:42 PM	#13
Turboface Back in Black Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 9,976	So, now with the free trials gone (or about to go), they have the $2.99 trials, the $4.99 trials, and monthly plans - and I guess the coming $1 trials. Which way do you guys go with? I'm just gonna change all my links over to the $2.99 trials. __________________ Search Engine Optimization Services for Adult Sites

12-11-2003, 02:07 PM	#14
TondaB Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Location: California Posts: 3,162	WEGCash still pays $27 - $30 per Free Trial! We are also adding an additional 10% to all free trial income generated between Dec. 15th and Dec. 31st. Feel free to contact me tonda at wegcash dot com if you need help with creatives or picking out our best converting sites Sign-up Now! __________________ ICQ: 61462417

12-11-2003, 03:23 AM	#8
Sylver7 Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: [206] Posts: 489	They are scrubbing the fuck out of the free trials anyway..

12-11-2003, 03:33 AM	#9
webgurl Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Clouds with Carebears Posts: 7,954	Cash in Everybody , Hurry Hurry Hurry ... Only few days left !!! Take advantage of it !! ARS is still # 1

12-11-2003, 02:12 PM	#15
Marc De Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 632	reynold - the only problem with that train of thought is the fact that lesser volume makes it MUCH easier to manage chargebacks. The more volume you do, the more open you are to fraud and the harder it becomes to manage your 'risk' with affiliates (which does cause a lot of fraud). In regards to some people's marketing spin on free trials and chargebacks let me present some data that will show otherwise. Also I'm sure most billing companies with aggregate data could prove that FREE trials have a SIGNIFICANTLY higher c/b rate than paid trials. 1000 Free Trials - 30% convert to memberships = 300 transactions 1000 $2.99 Trials - 35% convert to memberships = 1350 transactions Now out of BOTH groups the mentality of a 'FREE' customer is they shouldn't have to pay for ANYTHING. They are predisposed to dispute any payment on their card. So, of the 300 lets say 10 chargeback. 10 / 300 is 3.33% chargebacks or VISA FINES!! Now, the $2.99 customer acknowledged to paying something up front and understands that nothing is for free in life. They are much less likely to chargeback, but just for the sake of arguement, of the same 1000 sign ups lets say 8 chargeback, 1/2 of which also chargeback the trial transaction. That is a total of 12 chargebacks or 12/1350 = 0.89% or under the 1% threshold. - - - - - - - - TondaB - I can appreciate you attempting to pick up some of our stragglers from ARS dumping free trials but can you keep your promotion out of threads discussing our program. I wouldn't want to start targeting your webmasters... That would get ugly!

12-11-2003, 02:24 PM	#16
Rinaldo Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: South Florida Posts: 5,086	www.sexpromote.com/rinaldo still offering free trials and $30 per join Please hit me up ... ICQ in Sig. and let's make some money !

12-11-2003, 02:45 PM	#18
Mr. T Registered User Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 62	[Enter the shameless plugs.] ...fucking vultures. __________________ Mr. T!

12-11-2003, 02:59 PM	#19
greenlab Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 252	I guess Homesexnetwork.com will still be offering free signups....they just authorise 1$ to the card, but actualy they drop it after a few days, and not actualy charging the card...

12-11-2003, 03:18 PM	#20
Marc De Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 632	TondaB - don't play stupid, I'm a bright enough guy to KNOW why you are offering a 10% bonus on FREE trials and why you are posting in ALL the threads about us. I mean I can create an offer as well, an offer I could trail all your posts with - anyways I don't need to go any further, WEG knows they're just trying to get a sip of my kool-aid... greenlab - you are correct, Home Sex Network still offers free trials and they are TRULY free (no charging of the card until they chat with a host).

12-11-2003, 03:46 PM	#22
Ic3m4nZ Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Montreal! Posts: 6,285	hmm that sucks but ARS will always stay a strong sponsor.

12-11-2003, 04:38 PM	#24
LA Mike Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Orange County, CA Posts: 3,056	Good job Marc. I'm sure you're doing the right thing for the long haul. And guys believe me free trials don't do THAT much better then the $1 dollar trials do. And believe me most billing companies that let you do free's are going to scrub them a bit more.

12-11-2003, 05:52 PM	#25
Marc De Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 632	Hey Mike - Thanks bro... You sure you don't want to plug your proggy in this thread? LOL Oh wait, you don't need any of my kool-aid, you have your own. LOL DJ - The facts are in the numbers, free trials for our traffic c/b rate is 3-4 times that of a paid trial. The sheer volume of micro payments help offset any chargebacks produced by someone forgetting to cancelling and getting billed $39.99 When you have free's you have no mass micro charges to help reduce the % of c/b from that very same issue. I hope that makes sense

12-11-2003, 06:25 PM	#27
DoubleD Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Canada Posts: 758	Yea, this is a good move, listen to Mark, and take it from someone who saw the effects the free trials had first hand. This will only help. __________________ BeSocial.com The New and Exciting Casual Dating Social Network icq: 165049736

12-11-2003, 07:03 PM	#29
MattO The O is for Oohhh Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: AUSTIN TEJAS Posts: 10,861	time to incorporate in the EU

12-11-2003, 07:18 PM	#30
Shagwell Registered User Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 39	HEY __________________ Hot Rods and Broads YEAH!

12-11-2003, 08:29 PM	#31
Marc De Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 632	$5 - I think madatory email notifications of rebill would drop avg retention but I don't think it would kill the model. Obviously lower retention may cause decreased commissions on PPS. It would take real data to determine those differences though. As to the Can Spam - I don't think there will be that big of an effect on people who PROPERLY send opt-in mail. I don't know all the details of the legislation but I'll definitely get myself more versed with it ASAP.

12-11-2003, 08:54 PM	#32
gregtx Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 1,929	good point marc... Those surfing for free trials do not want to pay period.... so if they do forget to cancel after the free trial... the average chargeback/credit ratio is also higher... in general.. we too noticed that on accounts that only sent traffic to our free trials when we offered them... also... you loose transaction counts that help offset every cb that comes in... and lastly... it does eliminate 'non profitable' (trying to be PC) webmasters who only seem so send traffic when you offer free trials.. and for some reason the retention is well below par... they also seem to stop sending traffic and those who did convert "credti or c/b" __________________ Processing Partners http://www.processingpartners.com

12-11-2003, 09:14 PM	#33
bena1975ca Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 157	How much do people spend on porn in the real world? I still fail to understand what the big deal about porn on the internet is. I mean, there's no magazine you can get from 7-Eleven on "try before you buy" basis, and when was the last time you saw a "try before you buy" hooker on the strip - okay, there may be a few, I'm sure I don't want their phone numbers or addresses. They still sell a huge amoung of magazines in millions of outlets around the world. All the internet does is to provide another medium in which to supply this media...did this stop people buying magazines? maybe, but I really doubt it made that huge an impact or they wouldn't still be selling magazines now, would they? How many of you guys (and girls if you wish) have a stack of mags under your bed or in a box in your closet? I bet the majority of you do. What's the difference? You didn't get a free trial in order to determine whether or not you wanted membership before you bought the magazine. You took a chance and then if you decided you liked the magazine, you bought it again the next month - what's the difference? What I think is that all this means is that there needs to be more creativity on the net. What keeps people coming back to your site? You provide something original, you provide something that holds the surfer's attention, you provide something that appeals to the end user. I really don't think the loss of "try before you buy" is going to make that huge a difference, it just means that webmasters are going to have to be a little more creative with the presentation of the entry portals. __________________ Brad is a bitch he's a big fat bitch he's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world...

12-11-2003, 09:51 PM	#34
Carrie Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Virgin - nee Posts: 3,162	Bena the problem with that is that in a store you can open up a magazine and flip through it before passing over your cash. You get to see what's inside and whether you think it's worth paying for. With a paysite, you can't do that. If you walked into a sex toy shop and asked for the Playboy behind the counter and the cashier said "Sorry, that'll be $2.99 to look it over", how fast would you tell him to shove it up his ass? (The Playboy, that is )