Metrosexuals:: Stealing Gay Culture - GoFuckYourself.com

TheLegacy · 12-01-2003, 12:46 PM

There is a new rage in American Culture, something Britain has been hip to for years. It is the rebirth of straight people as Metrosexuals. What is a Metrosexual? Well I am glad you asked!

Metrosexual: noun ? a straight person who appreciates gay culture, including one or more of the following: fashion, personal hygiene, decorating, the arts, culinary arts, and social etiquette. This appreciation must come with an acceptance, not mere tolerance, for homosexuality. Ironically most meterosexuals are heterosexual men.

These tolerant and politically supportive people are breeding like, well, breeders -- thanks to hit shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Boy Meets Boy, Will and Grace, It?s All Relative, Queer As Folk, Sex in the City, Six Feet Under, and forthcoming in January, The L Word, to name just a few.

But the buzz around the rainbow community isn?t one of relief that so many heterosexuals are finally embracing queer people. In fact, some of the GLBT people are complaining that mainstream straight, white people are stealing our Queer Culture.

Whether or not you like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and all the ?Queer? shows before and after it, ask yourself this:

Have these shows done something we haven?t been able to do?
Have they promoted true empathy at last?

http://www.365gay.com/people/Lindqui...3lindquist.htm

axelcat · 12-01-2003, 12:48 PM

Thats a good one

Libertine · 12-01-2003, 12:48 PM

Your link is broken.

Sly_RJ · 12-01-2003, 12:52 PM

LMAO.

First time I heard of metrosexuals was South Park, believe it or not. Maybe I'm sheltered, who cares. But the whole idea of being a "metrosexual" I find hilarious. Why people love to label themselves is completely beyond me...

Does anyone ever just be themselves instead of trying to be what is "better" in the publics eye?

I watch Will and Grace sometimes. Not because I'm a metrosexual, I simply find the show funny. Sometimes I visit and like certain gay communities. Not because I'm metrosexual, but because it's a nice community with some "nice" things.

Argh...

TheLegacy · 12-01-2003, 12:55 PM

I am waiting for someone to come up with a phrase for a guy who is gay but pretends and looks as though he's str8

Rick Latona · 12-01-2003, 12:55 PM

Here's a CJ reprint: http://www.consumptionjunction.com/c...?id=484&page=3

Night of the Living Metrosexual
Thursday, August 07, 2003

Jay Speaketh:

Ahh, South Beach in good ole? Miami, Florida -- home of the beautiful people, sexy models, and some of this nation?s finest nightlife. Surely, there would be no better place in the world for two stratospheric high-climbing Internet celebs like Paul and myself. In the past, Paul and I had often complained about having to hang with the plebeians. As CEOs of the Ugly Webcam Girl Bitch Slapping Consulting Firm (Paul will pitch you on this further) with a bevy of new clients at the Internext Porn Convention in Miami, surely, South Beach would be a welcome escape.

As charter members of The Order Of The Moderately Successful, we?re not officially ballers. However, we do hang around with ballers, and therefore are Ballers by Association, and are still hustled into the VIP rooms at the hottest clubs in South Beach.

Indeed, South Beach is populated by the most superficial people east of Hollywood. It?s also the hottest spot north of Dante?s Nine Circles of Hell, so I can?t comprehend its appeal to the old Jewish ladies who inexplicably flock to this sweltering locale. Surely, they have not felt this kind of heat since 1941. With that in mind, remember these three rules when visiting South Beach:

1. What you drive up in, determines whom you will be driving home with.
2. How you dress determines who you?ll be undressing.
3. Always Armor-All your shirt.

Paul and I were already smacking the shammy across our shiny shirts, making a futile effort at the gym to work off that day?s bocadillos con chorizo, and gaining a deeper appreciation for hair care products in preparation for our big night out. Yes, this would be a glorious night of topnotch VIP treatment in South Beach ? the place to see and be seen! South Beach, to its credit, is loaded with gaggles of hot snizz-o-la. Upstanding, poon-thirsty gentlemen like Paul and me are willing to endure many tribulations to get our drink on and make our nuts do the windmill, but what we thought would be a glorious all-expense-paid night out in the SBC turned into what I like to refer to as the Tenth Circle Of Hell for the following reasons:

1. NIGHT OF THE LIVING METROSEXUALS: For those of you not familiar with the term, a metrosexual is a guy who appears to be gay, but whose true homo tendencies still lay dormant. Think GQ Magazine. Think Calvin Klein ads. Not having consummated said tendencies makes them officially straight, but as a wizened cabbie quipped to us, ?What?s the difference between a straight man in South Beach and a gay man in South Beach? About three drinks.? The markings of a metrosexual are shiny shirt, hair coifed/gelled to perfection, shaved chest, and a vanity so intense he probably does a few extra pushups just so he looks ?extra buff? as he gets out of his mid-model BMW that he wishes was a Porsche. He will be at the club applying the Wearing Down Mack Approach to as many local women as possible to overcompensate for his latent gayness. WARNING: Recently, there have been scattered reports of metrosexuals traveling in packs and disguised in mesh hats ? beware, they can be a cunning breed.

(On a side note, its little wonder that the Metrosexuals are drawn to places like these because these clubs are GAY AS HELL ? white walls, chairs shaped like crescent moons, no Budweiser products, and never-ending techno. I?ll bet that if whoever designed these places had as many dicks poking out of him as he has had poking into him, he would look like a fucking PENIS PORCUPINE! I prefer a dark place where I can just vomit in the corner.)

2. VELVET ROPE PRISONS: Yeah, that?s right, step aside bitch ? we are VIP muthafuckers! Or are we? See, once you get there, you still think that you aren?t there yet, because here is pretty lame. Seems to me, a typical night at one of these hot spots goes something like this:

Huddle outside in a sea of metrosexuals, until a security goon recognizes your VIPenis and lets you in ahead of the riff-raff.
You say, ?Fuck these peons!? and stroll past the next velvet rope into the VIP Area, only to still be slammed elbows-to-asshole with EVEN MORE goddamned annoying metrosexuals.
You exit the VIP Room to find a less crowded area, jump back one Velvet Rope, and then reality hits you...
3. THESE DRINKS AIN?T GONNA BUY THEMSELVES, BITCH: Not with the V.I.Penises anymore? It?s time to pony up for some drinks, which, if you?re lucky, you might only have to mortgage one or two vital organs to purchase. Two shots of Jager and two Budweisers = 34 USD! Wait one second, did you say 34 FUCKING BUCKS?! Fuck this.

Sounds like it sucks, right? Not for these idiots! Somewhere in the world right now, a metrosexual is trying to claw his way past the Velvet Rope Prison. He will stand in line, night after night, hour after hour, and drop $50 just to mix with the other plebes! If he is ever ?lucky enough? to make it to the VIP, he?ll have to pawn his sister?s uterus just to buy an apple martini for a piece of loose snatch dancing on the bar. I don?t get it. I just don?t get it.

Maybe the Editor Grande can elaborate?

Paul Speaketh:

First of all, I?d like to thank my colleague and fellow loather of metrosexuality, Jay, for so eloquently describing this plague that has infested major metropolitan areas across the country. Jay has a gift for turning a crude phrase -- the imagery conjured by the term penis porcupine will have me alternately laughing hysterically and bleaching my eyeballs for days.

That said, I?d like to pre-empt a few points of contention that a few of you shirt polishers out there will surely argue about our disgust with you and your ilk. Most importantly, this is not an issue of jealousy. Yes, many females are simple creatures who tend to flock to shiny clothing in a dark club like halfwit mongoloids to shiny nickels in a busy intersection, but neither of us has too terribly difficult a time pulling snatchola. Jay lays more pipe than Super Mario (proof coming soon), and even I manage to lay my grubby hands on an occasional slice of high quality Slut Potpie, so we ain?t hatin? on a brotha.

My problem with the metrosexual is a philosophical one: if you primp like a fag, preen like a fairy, and wear pornstar shades that would make Liberace spackle his sequined shorts with envy, how can you possibly consider yourself masculine -- because you tag a lot of ass? A woman who fucks a metrosexual is doing so because she secretly wants someone to exchange hair care tips with, and she?s probably only three slippery nipples away from making out with her girlfriend. Again, I?m not hatin? on that, but it hardly jibes with the caveman?s club-her-on-the-head-and-drag-her-to-your-lair theorem upon which masculinity is based. I?ve puked on women, belched in their faces, and defecated in their beds, and yet they all came back for more. On any given day, I?ve slapped three bitches in the mouth by noon, but if the metrosexuals had their way, we?d all be slapping ass in the Versace men?s dressing room.

Another characteristic of the new millennium metrosexual that I?ve noticed, is his tendency to brag about fucking women in the ass. Dudes, do I have to spell it out for you? Ass fucking is inherently G-A-Y. Not that I haven?t stirred the occasional brownie mix, but if I were on a dating show and had to choose between Mary Mouth, Amy Ass, and Vicky Vagina, there?s no question who?d wobble away a winner ? good ole? vagina takes it every time. The anus was designed to handle outbound traffic only ? it is dry, difficult to maneuver, and susceptible to avalanche. No proper heterosexual would actually claim that a dry, cold, stinking ass feels better than a moist, warm, stinking pussy. It?s good for the occasional tickle and other foreplay hijinks ? I?ll eat a copper penny ? but really, the only explanation for these metrosexuals constantly yapping about anal sex when there is a perfectly good vagina only an inch away has to be their latent homosexuality.

Oh, I suppose degradation could be a factor as well. Kobe could testify to that, and probably will. I?ve had bitches insist that I fuck them in the ass, and I oblige, but somehow that takes away all the fun. If it doesn?t for you, than maybe you should take a long, hard look at yourself in the reflection of your shirt.

You stinking metrosexual bastard, you.

Veterans Day · 12-01-2003, 12:57 PM

stupid, just plain stupid

kmanrox · 12-01-2003, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TheLegacy
I am waiting for someone to come up with a phrase for a guy who is gay but pretends and looks as though he's str8

that's called 'masculine'

yes, that's what they call them....

Holly · 12-01-2003, 01:01 PM

This is (slightly) off topic, but did anyone watch the episode of Queer Eye the other night, where the lawyer ditched his toupee? And did anyone with ANY sort of gaydar notice that he was gay as a 3 dollar bill?

He was liking all the queer eyes just a little too much, imo. I was at a friend's house and several people were there and I kept telling everyone there was gonna be a follow up to the story where he left his wife for Jai.

Dear God, I love that show.

Marcus · 12-01-2003, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TheLegacy

Metrosexual: noun ? a straight person who appreciates gay culture, including one or more of the following: fashion, personal hygiene, decorating, the arts, culinary arts, and social etiquette. This appreciation must come with an acceptance, not mere tolerance, for homosexuality. Ironically most meterosexuals are heterosexual men.

I'm gay. I wear $5 t shirs and $20 jeans. Dont use any special designer soaps or products, never decorated my apartment in my life, my walls are all white, never seen a show (except van halen 10 years ago) or bought art, I dont cook, I eat at sub shops, my fridge is full of frozen dinners, and I dont go to a salon I just buzz my head myself.

This metrosexual thing has nothing to do with "gay". It's about men with money who want to buy nice clothes, get massages and buy anti aging creams cuz their faces are wrinkled. I don't know what that has to do with being gay. Most gay people I know dress like shit and dont use designer products for anything.

BlackCrayon · 12-01-2003, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Marcus

This metrosexual thing has nothing to do with "gay". It's about men with money who want to buy nice clothes, get massages and buy anti aging creams cuz their faces are wrinkled. I don't know what that has to do with being gay. Most gay people I know dress like shit and dont use designer products for anything.

its funny you should say that as its something i've been thinking about. the whole metrosexual thing seems like a way to get men to spend money on products that were once mostly limited to the female population. there is money to be made off these fads.

Mr. Jim · 12-01-2003, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TheLegacy
I am waiting for someone to come up with a phrase for a guy who is gay but pretends and looks as though he's str8

I thought that name was denial

CIN · 12-01-2003, 01:19 PM

Gay culture? What gay culture?

Explain yourself.

Holly · 12-01-2003, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jimholio

I thought that name was denial

Also- "closeted", "Catholic", "married", or "United States Military".

Mr. Jim · 12-01-2003, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Holly
Also- "closeted", "Catholic", "married", or "United States Military".

The military comment was not called for....

I served for 8 years and I am sure there were guys who were closeted homosexuals but you cannot put that label on the armed forces....

Those men and women work very hard and are very proud of what they do...they do not make the policy decisions they just had the heart and pride to serve.....do not discount that by putting a label on the majority when you are talking about the extreme minority....

I was dignified by not resorting to name calling in an effort for you to clear the record...a simple acknowledgement of this would be appreciated.

Our Marines, Soldiers, Airmen, and Sailors are by no means gay...if you had other experience with them I aasure...... you are again dealing with the minority....it sadends me to see people bash the people that take so much pride in what they do....they are just kids looking for ther right path

ldinternet · 12-01-2003, 01:32 PM

I confess, I listened to Pet Shop Boys all the way home today.

and loved it.

Sharky · 12-01-2003, 01:33 PM

The first time I heard of the term was a month ago when approached by someone to work on their website.

They are a "spa for men" in Tampa. I'd never heard of such a thing. I went to check it out and was pretty impressed. Plasma TV's on the wall with CNN, MSNBC & ESPN on. they have a relaxation/massage room, a manicure/pedicure room, a jaccuzi out back. Not bad overall.

Holly · 12-01-2003, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jimholio
I was dignified by not resorting to name calling in an effort for you to clear the record...a simple acknowledgement of this would be appreciated.

No, you're correct. I wasn't making a joke. I honestly and truly believe every single Catholic, married, and military man on the face of the planet is gay. I'm pretty sure there are statistics somewhere to back me up. I'll google it later for you when I get a chance ;-)

Marcus · 12-01-2003, 01:54 PM

Metrosexuals are just crab people anyways.
They tried this before with the Jeffersons.

Mr. Jim · 12-01-2003, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Holly
No, you're correct. I wasn't making a joke. I honestly and truly believe every single Catholic, married, and military man on the face of the planet is gay. I'm pretty sure there are statistics somewhere to back me up. I'll google it later for you when I get a chance ;-)

I gave the chance for you to not look like a fucktard and you did not take it......I am offended and choose not to engage with you on this...I think you are a moron and not worth my time to piss with....our military stopped the WWII atrocities and have fought hard to be the best....

I served i saw it and I know.....I will leave it at that.

walk awway with a difference of opinion now because if you choose to continue this I will enjoy tearing you apart everyday....

TheJimmy · 12-01-2003, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jimholio

The military comment was not called for....

...

very true, I did 12+ years in the USAF...and the only cock I love is mine...

but I did know and have a few friends that were gay, that sucked for them cuz they had to be all covert about it...

anyone who's willing to die for my T&A loving ass is ok with me!

Holly · 12-01-2003, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jimholio

I gave the chance for you to not look like a fucktard and you did not take it......I am offended and choose not to engage with you on this...I think you are a moron and not worth my time to piss with....our military stopped the WWII atrocities and have fought hard to be the best....

I served i saw it and I know.....I will leave it at that.

walk awway with a difference of opinion now because if you choose to continue this I will enjoy tearing you apart everyday....

lol, okay Jim. I agree. That probably is the best thing for us to do.

Pad · 12-01-2003, 02:20 PM

metrosexual is for boys who have thought about cocks in their asses

Raven · 12-01-2003, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jimholio

I thought that name was denial

I thought it was "in the closet"

jollyperv · 12-01-2003, 02:54 PM

Metrosexuals are good for increasing land value and pushing crackheads back in to the ghetto.

keescash · 12-01-2003, 03:19 PM

be brought back

Rictor · 12-01-2003, 03:21 PM

You mean it wasn't just a joke on South Park? I don't think we have those here in Indiana.

Centurion · 12-01-2003, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TheLegacy

But the buzz around the rainbow community isn?t one of relief that so many heterosexuals are finally embracing queer people. In fact, some of the GLBT people are complaining that mainstream straight, white people are stealing our Queer Culture.

http://www.365gay.com/people/Lindqui...3lindquist.htm

"SOME of the GLBT people are complaining"..yeah..you and about 4 others. Biggest pile of crap posting I've seen in a while.

Gaymen angry about "our culture" getting stolen.
Gimme a break!

I don't care what ANYONE else done! What we've been saying for years is leave US alone in peace, so why try and stir something up in this manner?

Centurion · 12-01-2003, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TheLegacy
I am waiting for someone to come up with a phrase for a guy who is gay but pretends and looks as though he's str8

CLOSETED

12-01-2003, 12:46 PM	#1
TheLegacy SEO Connoisseur Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Brantford, Ontario Posts: 17,109	Metrosexuals:: Stealing Gay Culture There is a new rage in American Culture, something Britain has been hip to for years. It is the rebirth of straight people as Metrosexuals. What is a Metrosexual? Well I am glad you asked! Metrosexual: noun ? a straight person who appreciates gay culture, including one or more of the following: fashion, personal hygiene, decorating, the arts, culinary arts, and social etiquette. This appreciation must come with an acceptance, not mere tolerance, for homosexuality. Ironically most meterosexuals are heterosexual men. These tolerant and politically supportive people are breeding like, well, breeders -- thanks to hit shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Boy Meets Boy, Will and Grace, It?s All Relative, Queer As Folk, Sex in the City, Six Feet Under, and forthcoming in January, The L Word, to name just a few. But the buzz around the rainbow community isn?t one of relief that so many heterosexuals are finally embracing queer people. In fact, some of the GLBT people are complaining that mainstream straight, white people are stealing our Queer Culture. Whether or not you like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and all the ?Queer? shows before and after it, ask yourself this: Have these shows done something we haven?t been able to do? Have they promoted true empathy at last? http://www.365gay.com/people/Lindqui...3lindquist.htm __________________ SEO Connoisseur Microsoft Teams: Robert Warren SEO Telegram: @TheLegacy54 RobertWarrenSEO.com Last edited by TheLegacy; 12-01-2003 at 12:51 PM..

12-01-2003, 12:48 PM	#3
Libertine sex dwarf Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 17,860	Your link is broken. __________________ /(bb\|[^b]{2})/

12-01-2003, 12:52 PM	#4
Sly_RJ Live Hard - Die Hard Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Ready to leave... Posts: 17,042	LMAO. First time I heard of metrosexuals was South Park, believe it or not. Maybe I'm sheltered, who cares. But the whole idea of being a "metrosexual" I find hilarious. Why people love to label themselves is completely beyond me... Does anyone ever just be themselves instead of trying to be what is "better" in the publics eye? I watch Will and Grace sometimes. Not because I'm a metrosexual, I simply find the show funny. Sometimes I visit and like certain gay communities. Not because I'm metrosexual, but because it's a nice community with some "nice" things. Argh... __________________ PHAT SERVERS - Quality dedicated hosting at a quality price! sly AT phatservers DOT com - 147479144

12-01-2003, 12:55 PM	#5
TheLegacy SEO Connoisseur Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Brantford, Ontario Posts: 17,109	I am waiting for someone to come up with a phrase for a guy who is gay but pretends and looks as though he's str8 __________________ SEO Connoisseur Microsoft Teams: Robert Warren SEO Telegram: @TheLegacy54 RobertWarrenSEO.com

12-01-2003, 12:55 PM	#6
Rick Latona The Best Ideas Start Here Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Atlanta Posts: 6,037	Here's a CJ reprint: http://www.consumptionjunction.com/c...?id=484&page=3 Night of the Living Metrosexual Thursday, August 07, 2003 Jay Speaketh: Ahh, South Beach in good ole? Miami, Florida -- home of the beautiful people, sexy models, and some of this nation?s finest nightlife. Surely, there would be no better place in the world for two stratospheric high-climbing Internet celebs like Paul and myself. In the past, Paul and I had often complained about having to hang with the plebeians. As CEOs of the Ugly Webcam Girl Bitch Slapping Consulting Firm (Paul will pitch you on this further) with a bevy of new clients at the Internext Porn Convention in Miami, surely, South Beach would be a welcome escape. As charter members of The Order Of The Moderately Successful, we?re not officially ballers. However, we do hang around with ballers, and therefore are Ballers by Association, and are still hustled into the VIP rooms at the hottest clubs in South Beach. Indeed, South Beach is populated by the most superficial people east of Hollywood. It?s also the hottest spot north of Dante?s Nine Circles of Hell, so I can?t comprehend its appeal to the old Jewish ladies who inexplicably flock to this sweltering locale. Surely, they have not felt this kind of heat since 1941. With that in mind, remember these three rules when visiting South Beach: 1. What you drive up in, determines whom you will be driving home with. 2. How you dress determines who you?ll be undressing. 3. Always Armor-All your shirt. Paul and I were already smacking the shammy across our shiny shirts, making a futile effort at the gym to work off that day?s bocadillos con chorizo, and gaining a deeper appreciation for hair care products in preparation for our big night out. Yes, this would be a glorious night of topnotch VIP treatment in South Beach ? the place to see and be seen! South Beach, to its credit, is loaded with gaggles of hot snizz-o-la. Upstanding, poon-thirsty gentlemen like Paul and me are willing to endure many tribulations to get our drink on and make our nuts do the windmill, but what we thought would be a glorious all-expense-paid night out in the SBC turned into what I like to refer to as the Tenth Circle Of Hell for the following reasons: 1. NIGHT OF THE LIVING METROSEXUALS: For those of you not familiar with the term, a metrosexual is a guy who appears to be gay, but whose true homo tendencies still lay dormant. Think GQ Magazine. Think Calvin Klein ads. Not having consummated said tendencies makes them officially straight, but as a wizened cabbie quipped to us, ?What?s the difference between a straight man in South Beach and a gay man in South Beach? About three drinks.? The markings of a metrosexual are shiny shirt, hair coifed/gelled to perfection, shaved chest, and a vanity so intense he probably does a few extra pushups just so he looks ?extra buff? as he gets out of his mid-model BMW that he wishes was a Porsche. He will be at the club applying the Wearing Down Mack Approach to as many local women as possible to overcompensate for his latent gayness. WARNING: Recently, there have been scattered reports of metrosexuals traveling in packs and disguised in mesh hats ? beware, they can be a cunning breed. (On a side note, its little wonder that the Metrosexuals are drawn to places like these because these clubs are GAY AS HELL ? white walls, chairs shaped like crescent moons, no Budweiser products, and never-ending techno. I?ll bet that if whoever designed these places had as many dicks poking out of him as he has had poking into him, he would look like a fucking PENIS PORCUPINE! I prefer a dark place where I can just vomit in the corner.) 2. VELVET ROPE PRISONS: Yeah, that?s right, step aside bitch ? we are VIP muthafuckers! Or are we? See, once you get there, you still think that you aren?t there yet, because here is pretty lame. Seems to me, a typical night at one of these hot spots goes something like this: Huddle outside in a sea of metrosexuals, until a security goon recognizes your VIPenis and lets you in ahead of the riff-raff. You say, ?Fuck these peons!? and stroll past the next velvet rope into the VIP Area, only to still be slammed elbows-to-asshole with EVEN MORE goddamned annoying metrosexuals. You exit the VIP Room to find a less crowded area, jump back one Velvet Rope, and then reality hits you... 3. THESE DRINKS AIN?T GONNA BUY THEMSELVES, BITCH: Not with the V.I.Penises anymore? It?s time to pony up for some drinks, which, if you?re lucky, you might only have to mortgage one or two vital organs to purchase. Two shots of Jager and two Budweisers = 34 USD! Wait one second, did you say 34 FUCKING BUCKS?! Fuck this. Sounds like it sucks, right? Not for these idiots! Somewhere in the world right now, a metrosexual is trying to claw his way past the Velvet Rope Prison. He will stand in line, night after night, hour after hour, and drop $50 just to mix with the other plebes! If he is ever ?lucky enough? to make it to the VIP, he?ll have to pawn his sister?s uterus just to buy an apple martini for a piece of loose snatch dancing on the bar. I don?t get it. I just don?t get it. Maybe the Editor Grande can elaborate? Paul Speaketh: First of all, I?d like to thank my colleague and fellow loather of metrosexuality, Jay, for so eloquently describing this plague that has infested major metropolitan areas across the country. Jay has a gift for turning a crude phrase -- the imagery conjured by the term penis porcupine will have me alternately laughing hysterically and bleaching my eyeballs for days. That said, I?d like to pre-empt a few points of contention that a few of you shirt polishers out there will surely argue about our disgust with you and your ilk. Most importantly, this is not an issue of jealousy. Yes, many females are simple creatures who tend to flock to shiny clothing in a dark club like halfwit mongoloids to shiny nickels in a busy intersection, but neither of us has too terribly difficult a time pulling snatchola. Jay lays more pipe than Super Mario (proof coming soon), and even I manage to lay my grubby hands on an occasional slice of high quality Slut Potpie, so we ain?t hatin? on a brotha. My problem with the metrosexual is a philosophical one: if you primp like a fag, preen like a fairy, and wear pornstar shades that would make Liberace spackle his sequined shorts with envy, how can you possibly consider yourself masculine -- because you tag a lot of ass? A woman who fucks a metrosexual is doing so because she secretly wants someone to exchange hair care tips with, and she?s probably only three slippery nipples away from making out with her girlfriend. Again, I?m not hatin? on that, but it hardly jibes with the caveman?s club-her-on-the-head-and-drag-her-to-your-lair theorem upon which masculinity is based. I?ve puked on women, belched in their faces, and defecated in their beds, and yet they all came back for more. On any given day, I?ve slapped three bitches in the mouth by noon, but if the metrosexuals had their way, we?d all be slapping ass in the Versace men?s dressing room. Another characteristic of the new millennium metrosexual that I?ve noticed, is his tendency to brag about fucking women in the ass. Dudes, do I have to spell it out for you? Ass fucking is inherently G-A-Y. Not that I haven?t stirred the occasional brownie mix, but if I were on a dating show and had to choose between Mary Mouth, Amy Ass, and Vicky Vagina, there?s no question who?d wobble away a winner ? good ole? vagina takes it every time. The anus was designed to handle outbound traffic only ? it is dry, difficult to maneuver, and susceptible to avalanche. No proper heterosexual would actually claim that a dry, cold, stinking ass feels better than a moist, warm, stinking pussy. It?s good for the occasional tickle and other foreplay hijinks ? I?ll eat a copper penny ? but really, the only explanation for these metrosexuals constantly yapping about anal sex when there is a perfectly good vagina only an inch away has to be their latent homosexuality. Oh, I suppose degradation could be a factor as well. Kobe could testify to that, and probably will. I?ve had bitches insist that I fuck them in the ass, and I oblige, but somehow that takes away all the fun. If it doesn?t for you, than maybe you should take a long, hard look at yourself in the reflection of your shirt. You stinking metrosexual bastard, you. __________________ Regards, Rick Latona http://latonas.com Latona's - We Sell Money Making Web Properties Note to buyers of websites and traffic: please check our inventory at http://latonas.com/websites-for-sale. If you would like to make an offer on something, just let me know.

12-01-2003, 12:48 PM	#2
axelcat Adult Locals Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West Coast Posts: 25,450	Thats a good one

12-01-2003, 12:57 PM	#7
Veterans Day Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: The Windy City Posts: 8,403	stupid, just plain stupid

12-01-2003, 01:01 PM	#9
Holly Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Jesusland Posts: 10,017	This is (slightly) off topic, but did anyone watch the episode of Queer Eye the other night, where the lawyer ditched his toupee? And did anyone with ANY sort of gaydar notice that he was gay as a 3 dollar bill? He was liking all the queer eyes just a little too much, imo. I was at a friend's house and several people were there and I kept telling everyone there was gonna be a follow up to the story where he left his wife for Jai. Dear God, I love that show. __________________ War National Damn Champions Eagle

12-01-2003, 01:19 PM	#13
CIN So Fucking Banned Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 182	Gay culture? What gay culture? Explain yourself.

12-01-2003, 01:32 PM	#16
ldinternet Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 8,245	I confess, I listened to Pet Shop Boys all the way home today. and loved it.

12-01-2003, 01:33 PM	#17
Sharky Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 4,938	The first time I heard of the term was a month ago when approached by someone to work on their website. They are a "spa for men" in Tampa. I'd never heard of such a thing. I went to check it out and was pretty impressed. Plasma TV's on the wall with CNN, MSNBC & ESPN on. they have a relaxation/massage room, a manicure/pedicure room, a jaccuzi out back. Not bad overall. __________________ Sharky

12-01-2003, 01:54 PM	#19
Marcus Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 3,472	Metrosexuals are just crab people anyways. They tried this before with the Jeffersons.

12-01-2003, 02:20 PM	#23
Pad elephants dont swat flies Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 1,262	metrosexual is for boys who have thought about cocks in their asses __________________

12-01-2003, 02:54 PM	#25
jollyperv Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: NYC Posts: 3,927	Metrosexuals are good for increasing land value and pushing crackheads back in to the ghetto.

12-01-2003, 03:19 PM	#26
keescash So Fucking Banned Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 89	be brought back

12-01-2003, 03:21 PM	#27
Rictor Old Timer Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 12,208	You mean it wasn't just a joke on South Park? I don't think we have those here in Indiana.