Blowjob Etiquette - GoFuckYourself.com

apoklyptk · 10-11-2003, 09:17 PM

A Woman's Take on the Subject:

1. First and foremost, we're not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to #1, so, if you DO get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video, it's NOT standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to #3, no, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to #5, don't push on top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. Besides, you REALLY want puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get. It's NEVER ok to far.
8. Having my period does not mean it's "hummer week". Get it through your head: I'm bloated and I feel like shit, so NO, I don't feel particular obligated to blow you. You just can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8, "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls. If you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to stop to remove a public hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've "wrecked" it for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after is HIGHLY inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment. Review #2 above about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't give a shit about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It's not appropriate to sympathize OR brag.
16. Just because it's "awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

A Man's Rebuttal

1. First of all, yes, you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we'll find someone younger and prettier who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, putting something in your mouth is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning.
6. Speaking of which, if you're bleeding for five straight days, you need all of the fluids you can get, trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you we get the shit end of stick in the "flavor" category.
8. At least there's no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth. (Well, unless you bite it really hard.)
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We LIKE that.
12. Make hay when the sun shines, hon. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat, and are looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now do you?

Oracle Porn · 10-11-2003, 09:19 PM

shut up and suck a dick!

- Jesus Christ - · 10-11-2003, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by apoklyptk
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after is HIGHLY inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

hahahaha, I did that once and when I came back she was gone... havent seen her in 6 months.

Brad Mitchell · 10-11-2003, 10:10 PM

ha!! funny stuff.

brand0n · 10-11-2003, 10:15 PM

pinch her nose.. swallow or drown

lil2rich4u2 · 10-11-2003, 10:18 PM

old, but nice lol

apoklyptk · 10-11-2003, 10:20 PM

Quote:

8. Having my period does not mean it's "hummer week".

my fave.

Why · 10-12-2003, 01:42 AM

i laughed.

Ice · 10-12-2003, 08:50 AM

VirtuMike · 10-12-2003, 09:29 AM

True. If they don't like it on their face they're going to have to learn to swallow.

I can just see it now... I am going to get a "It's HUMMER WEEK!" baby doll t-shirt for her.

Hindsight · 10-12-2003, 12:18 PM

Nice

But can I also add an ammendment.. When I say wank you wank and when i say suck you suck.

Thats the deal i got.

Katlicious72 · 10-12-2003, 12:22 PM

Cock is good it's essential for my survival.

Ross · 10-12-2003, 12:36 PM

"ctrl + P" "e-mail to angie@......"

Thanks dude!

SomeCreep · 10-12-2003, 02:42 PM

Women that give good blowjobs get far in life.

Examples: Kobe Bryant's wife (married to a millionaire), Monica Lewinski (professional attention whore making millions off books and handbags), Jenna Jameson (professional deepthroater) ...etc

BlueDesignStudios · 10-12-2003, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ross
"ctrl + P" "e-mail to angie@......"

Thanks dude!

Let us know how it goes with angie LOL

shann · 10-12-2003, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by brand0n
pinch her nose.. swallow or drown

LOL Interesting take, might bite off more than she can chew than and swallow much to your dismay! LOL

10-11-2003, 10:10 PM	#4
Brad Mitchell Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Southfield, MI Posts: 9,812	ha!! funny stuff. __________________ President at MojoHost \| brad at mojohost dot com \| Skype MojoHostBrad 71 industry awards for hosting and professional excellence since 1999

10-11-2003, 10:18 PM	#6
lil2rich4u2 ICQ: 175171926 Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: New York, NY Posts: 11,046	old, but nice lol __________________ HEY!! Unbeatable hosting! Customer service is top notch! --> ISPrime <-- Do a search on any board, their reputation is rock solid .. for years!!

10-12-2003, 08:50 AM	#9
Ice Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Sunny California Posts: 26,053	__________________ icq 1904905

10-12-2003, 09:29 AM	#10
VirtuMike Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Location: Seat 1A Posts: 2,483	True. If they don't like it on their face they're going to have to learn to swallow. I can just see it now... I am going to get a "It's HUMMER WEEK!" baby doll t-shirt for her. __________________ Host it in AMSTERDAM at EUROTIVITY! - We also offer BACKUP SERVICES! XYZZY4L

10-12-2003, 12:22 PM	#12
Katlicious72 Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Californicating in San Diego Posts: 1,665	Cock is good it's essential for my survival. __________________ Fetish Preview....Coming Soon! ICQ# 308-229-815

10-11-2003, 09:17 PM	#1
apoklyptk So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 474	Blowjob Etiquette A Woman's Take on the Subject: 1. First and foremost, we're not obligated to do it. 2. Extension to #1, so, if you DO get one, be grateful. 3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video, it's NOT standard practice to cum on someone's face. 4. Extension to #3, no, I DON'T have to swallow. 5. My ears are NOT handles. 6. Extension to #5, don't push on top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. Besides, you REALLY want puke on your dick? 7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get. It's NEVER ok to far. 8. Having my period does not mean it's "hummer week". Get it through your head: I'm bloated and I feel like shit, so NO, I don't feel particular obligated to blow you. You just can't have sex right now. 9. Extension to #8, "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls. If you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol. 10. If I have to stop to remove a public hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've "wrecked" it for you. 11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after is HIGHLY inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future. 12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment. Review #2 above about gratitude. 13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't give a shit about the protein content. 14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV. 15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It's not appropriate to sympathize OR brag. 16. Just because it's "awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning". A Man's Rebuttal 1. First of all, yes, you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we'll find someone younger and prettier who will. 2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish. 3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you? 4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Be thankful I'm not pulling your hair. 5. When you're on your period, putting something in your mouth is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning. 6. Speaking of which, if you're bleeding for five straight days, you need all of the fluids you can get, trust me. 7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you we get the shit end of stick in the "flavor" category. 8. At least there's no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth. (Well, unless you bite it really hard.) 9. Play with the balls. 10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better. 11. Caress the ass, too. We LIKE that. 12. Make hay when the sun shines, hon. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat, and are looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep". 13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now do you?

10-11-2003, 09:19 PM	#2
Oracle Porn Affiliate Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Icq: 94-399-723 Posts: 24,433	shut up and suck a dick! __________________

10-11-2003, 10:15 PM	#5
brand0n been very busy Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: the queen city Posts: 26,983	pinch her nose.. swallow or drown __________________ want to buy this spot for cheap? it is of course for sale. long term deals are always the best bet. brand0n/ at/ a o l dot commies.

10-12-2003, 01:42 AM	#8
Why MFBA Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: PNW Posts: 7,230	i laughed.

10-12-2003, 12:18 PM	#11
Hindsight Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Perugia, Italy - Often in Exeter, England Posts: 815	Nice But can I also add an ammendment.. When I say wank you wank and when i say suck you suck. Thats the deal i got.

10-12-2003, 12:36 PM	#13
Ross Ik ben een aap Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Traffic Force Towers, Canada! Posts: 18,874	"ctrl + P" "e-mail to angie@......" Thanks dude!

10-12-2003, 02:42 PM	#14
SomeCreep :glugglug Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Where the Wild Things Are Posts: 26,118	Women that give good blowjobs get far in life. Examples: Kobe Bryant's wife (married to a millionaire), Monica Lewinski (professional attention whore making millions off books and handbags), Jenna Jameson (professional deepthroater) ...etc __________________ Webair Hosting I use and recommend Webair for hosting.