get rich in one week! - GoFuckYourself.com

harvey · 09-30-2003, 02:58 PM

posted at AWI, sounds good to me

Welcome to the Total Idiot's Guide to Internet Success!

Let's begin:

Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich?
A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month.

Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?
A: No. This is the internet.

Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich?
A: Yes. This is the internet.

Q: How do I proceed?
A: As you're surfing around the net you'll see banners and links that say things like "Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See How!" Simply click the link to get started.

Q: It won't really take ninety days though, will it?
A: Of course not. They just say that so you'll be pleasantly surprised and so it doesn't sound like hype.

Q: Okay, I've found one that says "Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One Month!" Is that good?
A: Perfect.

Q: What does MLM mean?
A: Nobody really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested by the little-brains.

Q: I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it's the easiest thing to sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it's MLM, by the time my third level is operating I'll be making $345,915.45 per week.
A: Conservatively.

Q: They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is my sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers?
A: Your sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort of memory disorder make the best targ... uh, clients. You can switch your mother's long distance carrier for her, and then start calling the other members of her support group.

Q: That sounds a little fishy.
A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial savings on long distance. It's for their own good.

Q: How else can I get new business?
A: Spam. Spam. Spam.

Q: I thought spam was bad.
A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it's bad is just jealous because their brains are too small.

Q: But won't I lose my web host and ISP?
A: In the get-rich-quick business, it's important to cultivate an attitude of zen-like non-attachment toward service providers.

Q: What else can I do to promote my new business?
A: Here's a list of suggestions:

* Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors and flashy banners.
* Join every free banner exchange.
* Get your own free-for-all links page.
* Join every opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit in the title.
* Buy software that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most important search engines.
* Buy software that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free classified sites.
* Buy software that submits your link to the 100,000 most popular free-for-all link pages.
* Hire a bulk emailer.
* Sponsor a golf tournament.

Q: Okay, I've done all that and I'm still not rich. I haven't even driven my hitcounter to its knees yet. What am I doing wrong?
A: It's possible that you're not very bright. Consult one of your friends who has retired on their internet earnings.

Q: What if I don't have any friends who have retired on their internet earnings?
A: Then contact someone on the internet who has retired on their internet earnings.

Q: What if I've never heard of anyone retiring from their internet earnings?
A: Well, then maybe you are the first.

Ross · 09-30-2003, 03:00 PM

HAHAHA

TzarJorge · 09-30-2003, 04:29 PM

funny, but true...

spammers

skillfull · 09-30-2003, 04:34 PM

funny

polish_aristocrat · 09-30-2003, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by skillfull
funny

Your sig is funny

harvey · 09-30-2003, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by skillfull
please help me, my car broke, not enough money to pay im an honest worker, i just dont make enough money

please refer to the original post

grogan · 09-30-2003, 04:43 PM

cezam · 09-30-2003, 06:52 PM

strobi · 09-30-2003, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cezam
<img src="http://pix.segfault.cz/gfy/agrogan.jpg">

09-30-2003, 02:58 PM	#1
harvey Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: 127.0.0.1 Posts: 9,266	get rich in one week! posted at AWI, sounds good to me Welcome to the Total Idiot's Guide to Internet Success! Let's begin: Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich? A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month. Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich? A: No. This is the internet. Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich? A: Yes. This is the internet. Q: How do I proceed? A: As you're surfing around the net you'll see banners and links that say things like "Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See How!" Simply click the link to get started. Q: It won't really take ninety days though, will it? A: Of course not. They just say that so you'll be pleasantly surprised and so it doesn't sound like hype. Q: Okay, I've found one that says "Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One Month!" Is that good? A: Perfect. Q: What does MLM mean? A: Nobody really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested by the little-brains. Q: I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it's the easiest thing to sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it's MLM, by the time my third level is operating I'll be making $345,915.45 per week. A: Conservatively. Q: They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is my sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers? A: Your sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort of memory disorder make the best targ... uh, clients. You can switch your mother's long distance carrier for her, and then start calling the other members of her support group. Q: That sounds a little fishy. A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial savings on long distance. It's for their own good. Q: How else can I get new business? A: Spam. Spam. Spam. Q: I thought spam was bad. A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it's bad is just jealous because their brains are too small. Q: But won't I lose my web host and ISP? A: In the get-rich-quick business, it's important to cultivate an attitude of zen-like non-attachment toward service providers. Q: What else can I do to promote my new business? A: Here's a list of suggestions: * Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors and flashy banners. * Join every free banner exchange. * Get your own free-for-all links page. * Join every opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit in the title. * Buy software that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most important search engines. * Buy software that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free classified sites. * Buy software that submits your link to the 100,000 most popular free-for-all link pages. * Hire a bulk emailer. * Sponsor a golf tournament. Q: Okay, I've done all that and I'm still not rich. I haven't even driven my hitcounter to its knees yet. What am I doing wrong? A: It's possible that you're not very bright. Consult one of your friends who has retired on their internet earnings. Q: What if I don't have any friends who have retired on their internet earnings? A: Then contact someone on the internet who has retired on their internet earnings. Q: What if I've never heard of anyone retiring from their internet earnings? A: Well, then maybe you are the first. __________________ This post is endorsed by CIA, KGB, MI6, the Mafia, Illuminati, Kim Jong Il, Worldwide Ninjas Association, Klingon Empire and lolcats. Don't mess around with it, just accept it and embrace the truth

09-30-2003, 04:34 PM	#4
skillfull Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Quebec Calisse Posts: 4,716	funny __________________ mind at underdark dot cc SEO Analyst Thunder-Ball.net - Member

09-30-2003, 06:52 PM	#8
cezam Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: CZ, EU Posts: 1,363	<img src="http://pix.segfault.cz/gfy/agrogan.jpg"> __________________

09-30-2003, 03:00 PM	#2
Ross Ik ben een aap Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Traffic Force Towers, Canada! Posts: 18,874	HAHAHA

09-30-2003, 04:29 PM	#3
TzarJorge Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Far far away. Posts: 659	funny, but true... spammers

09-30-2003, 04:43 PM	#7
grogan So Fucking Banned Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: CHICAGO Posts: 2,284