Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker - GoFuckYourself.com

Amputate Your Head · 09-22-2003, 03:13 PM

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
~ Ernest Hemingway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
~ "Unknown"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

dantheman · 09-22-2003, 03:16 PM

queer · 09-22-2003, 03:17 PM

LOL
Ever so true
<br>

Penrod · 09-22-2003, 03:18 PM

dirtyone · 09-22-2003, 03:18 PM

I'll drink to that.

Loryn · 09-22-2003, 03:37 PM

Thank you!!!!

And Cheers!!!!

MaxDent · 09-22-2003, 04:32 PM

By far the best post I've read. Now all you need is to follow up with 420 quotes and your ascension to greatness will be secured.

quiet · 09-22-2003, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Amputate Your Head

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

ytcracker · 09-22-2003, 04:38 PM

fucking brilliant much props

Spunky · 09-22-2003, 07:50 PM

Cheers

Joe Average · 09-22-2003, 07:52 PM

Great quotes.

Cheers.

09-22-2003, 03:13 PM	#1
Amputate Your Head There can be only one Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Somewhere else Posts: 39,075	Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." ~ Ernest Hemingway ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!! ~ "Unknown" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." __________________ SIG TOO BIG

09-22-2003, 03:16 PM	#2
dantheman OG Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 3,308	__________________ M3server.com VPS>Get your 2nd month free Ded>$100 off your 2nd month since 1996 icq-25135623 dannyh at~m3server DOT com

09-22-2003, 03:17 PM	#3
queer Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: In EXXXT's pocket! I love my idol Whee Posts: 671	LOL Ever so true <br> __________________ FREE GALLERY RETURN TRAFFIC New better system for all TGP owners! Use your own sponsor codes! Traffic in return for listing quality galleries, RATIO 1:12 !

09-22-2003, 03:37 PM	#6
Loryn Super Connector Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 12,853	Thank you!!!! And Cheers!!!! __________________ ~ loryn@loryntaylor . com ~ RIP TD

09-22-2003, 04:38 PM	#9
ytcracker stc is the greatest Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: rip sean murray Posts: 12,403	fucking brilliant much props __________________ www.ytcracker.com \| www.digitalgangster.com i love you

09-22-2003, 03:18 PM	#4
Penrod Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 3,578

09-22-2003, 03:18 PM	#5
dirtyone Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: God's Country (Georgia) Posts: 3,706	I'll drink to that.

09-22-2003, 04:32 PM	#7
MaxDent Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: San Francisco Posts: 851	By far the best post I've read. Now all you need is to follow up with 420 quotes and your ascension to greatness will be secured.

09-22-2003, 07:50 PM	#10
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,940	Cheers __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

09-22-2003, 07:52 PM	#11
Joe Average Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 785	Great quotes. Cheers. __________________ I used to get high on life but then I built up a tolerance.