The Religion Of Toys (Funny Ass Editorial)

[Stud Money]

Barbie is in deep trouble in Saudi Arabia. The pervert police there accuse her of being a Jewish agent provocateur.

The Saudi Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice is in charge of public morality in the desert kingdom, whose chief exports are said to be oil and terrorism rather than fun and fashion.

The CPVPV is seizing Barbie from shops and then fining and/or beating the owners for contributing to the delinquency of Muslim children, who will pay as much as 30 bucks for a Barbie.

Apparently the peeves are outraged by Barbie's revealing dress, which they claim is an affront to Islam. So far nothing has been said about that Zionist tramp Skipper.

According to the CPVPV Web site, "Jewish Barbie dolls, with their revealing clothes and shameful postures, accessories and tools are a symbol of decadence to the perverted West."

I didn't know Barbie was Jewish but I am willing to take the Saudis' word for it, mainly because I don't care. Besides, I always believed that G.I. Joe was a Mormon.

Think about it. G.I. Joe is clean-cut, enormously patriotic, probably a Republican (but certainly conservative), and willing to do anything to anyone to in order to guarantee that the American way of life is maintained as a God-mandated organization. How much more LDS can you get?

Some may argue that Ken (Barbie's love interest) is LDS. They do this solely by virtue of the fact that he looks like a missionary. But Ken is also rumored to be gay, so no one really knows what's up with him. Not that it matters.

According to some fundamentalist Christians, Harry Potter is a follower of Wicca, which they deem as bad because it encourages nature worship instead of following Jesus. But then a lot of people also believe that Barney the Purple Dinosaur is a fundamental Christian.

Back when I was a kid, I had a windup monkey that banged together two cymbals in a kind of trance. I suspected him of being an overly charismatic Christian, but I never found out for sure.

Few people know that Bert of Sesame Street's fame is a fundamental follower of Islam, not that the knowledge should surprise anyone given his monochromatic view of the world. Ernie, who often drives Bert nuts, is reportedly a lapsed Hassidic Jew.

Meanwhile, Elmo is an enthusiastic (and obvious) follower of either the late Dr. Timothy Leary or Rastafarianism.

If I had to guess, I would say that Gumby is probably a Buddhist. Flexibility is a must for those who really get into Yoga and meditating.

Beyond these few examples, I never gave serious thought to the religion of dolls.

I tried to be ecumenical when it came to playtime. They were just toys first and whatever religion they practiced in their off-time second.

Apparently it now matters, or at least it does in some parts of the world. It's one thing to insult another human being's religion over boring and often pointless dogma, but to attack the faith of simple toys? How petty do you have to be before your religion becomes a mental illness?

Sourced - Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby welcomes mail at 143 S. Main St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, or e-mail at [email protected].

[candyflip]

Who cares?

Regards,
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