Learning English ? Sucked in - your fucked! - GoFuckYourself.com

WebDork · 08-02-2003, 06:49 AM

LEARNING ENGLISH

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English;

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example... If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. . .

ibs · 08-02-2003, 06:51 AM

well you have to marvel at a language that is taking over as the language of an entire world too huh?

Babaganoosh · 08-02-2003, 06:55 AM

I guess you still don't have a grasp on English yet. It's "you're", not "your". Your is possessive.

How is your dog? - CORRECT!

Your an idiot! - WRONG (and fucking ignorant)

cezam · 08-02-2003, 07:37 AM

it's fucking long.. just tell me where to put 'a' and where 'the'

FATPad · 08-02-2003, 07:40 AM

I thought it was good. *shrugs*

Ironhorse · 08-02-2003, 07:43 AM

That's a good one, english is a funny language, clearly not well thought out but rather circumstancially passed on and adapted.

Scott McD · 08-02-2003, 08:10 AM

Pretty good

Tipsy · 08-02-2003, 08:18 AM

The odd thing about 'English muffins' is you never really saw them much in the UK until American fast food places started using them. Are they even genuinely an English invention?

404 · 08-02-2003, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Armed & Hammered
I guess you still don't have a grasp on English yet. It's "you're", not "your". Your is possessive.

How is your dog? - CORRECT!

Your an idiot! - WRONG (and fucking ignorant)

cruel but fair

Babaganoosh · 08-02-2003, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by 404

cruel but fair

Yeah, I go insane when people make that mistake.

08-02-2003, 06:49 AM	#1
WebDork Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 402	Learning English ? Sucked in - your fucked! LEARNING ENGLISH We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English; 1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 2. The farm was used to produce produce. 3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum. 9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10. I did not object to the object. 11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13. They were too close to the door to close it. 14. The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number. 19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example... If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree! Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. . .

08-02-2003, 06:51 AM	#2
ibs Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: yahoo id internetbroadcasting Posts: 277	well you have to marvel at a language that is taking over as the language of an entire world too huh? __________________ ibs

08-02-2003, 06:55 AM	#3
Babaganoosh ♥♥♥ Likes Hugs ♥♥♥ Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: /home Posts: 15,841	I guess you still don't have a grasp on English yet. It's "you're", not "your". Your is possessive. How is your dog? - CORRECT! Your an idiot! - WRONG (and fucking ignorant) __________________ I like pie.

08-02-2003, 07:37 AM	#4
cezam Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: CZ, EU Posts: 1,363	it's fucking long.. just tell me where to put 'a' and where 'the' __________________

08-02-2003, 07:40 AM	#5
FATPad Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 6,693	I thought it was good. shrugs __________________ <a href="http://www.adultcontent.co.uk">Adult Content UK - Great British Content</a>

08-02-2003, 07:43 AM	#6
Ironhorse Pixel Pusher Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 7,093	That's a good one, english is a funny language, clearly not well thought out but rather circumstancially passed on and adapted. __________________ [email protected]

08-02-2003, 08:10 AM	#7
Scott McD Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 67,795	Pretty good __________________ I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

08-02-2003, 08:18 AM	#8
Tipsy Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: See sig Posts: 6,989	The odd thing about 'English muffins' is you never really saw them much in the UK until American fast food places started using them. Are they even genuinely an English invention? __________________ Ignorance is never bliss. Last edited by Tipsy; 08-02-2003 at 08:22 AM..