10 Ways to tell it's an Amateur porn shoot - GoFuckYourself.com

Greg B · 07-20-2003, 08:35 AM

10.) Even with autofocus and steady shot, the images or video will look like Barney Fife was the director.

9.) Unfinished laundry must be seen on the floor or background including the kid's soccer practice clothes, baby clothes and last night's concert chili stained " I'm with stupid " t-shirt.

8.) A dog or cat's food dish with half eaten food and water must somehow be part of the background.

7.) Neighbors and passersby can be seen mowing their lawns or standing aghast.

6.) Somehow, someway, high school pics, family pics, diplomas and shopping lists will inevitably be seen in clear view in the background posted on the bedpost or refrigerator.

5.) Garbage still in the garbage bin needing emptying and without flaw there will be pampers, beer and soda bottles and a crushed pizza box nearby.

4.) Gotta have that license plate or mailbox or better yet that 'Welcome to Such-n-Such Town' in the shoot or it ain't authentic.

3.) What would an amateur shoot be like without some off camera cigarette smoke wafting in front of the lens so that the pics look like those " Ghost Visits Family " pics from the Weekly World News.

2.) Not much of an amateur shoot without the kid's palm prints all over the wall in the background!

1.) The Sun. Gotta take advantage of every way the sun can screw up a shot. Ain't good amateur stuff unless somehow, a violation of the laws of common sense and physics come into play and that old burning ball of giant gas appears behind everything or glaring off of something obscurring vital image targets.

lock · 07-20-2003, 08:41 AM

Anything without makeup and lighting.

But in the spirit of the post

"The pussy is red raw"

eiht_98 · 07-20-2003, 11:17 AM

who cares

skrog · 07-20-2003, 11:19 AM

Going for the reality touch

Mikey · 07-20-2003, 02:36 PM

i like amateur content

wargames · 07-20-2003, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mikey
i like amateur content

Me 2

AOLGuy · 07-20-2003, 02:38 PM

Yeah, you'll never believe how pissed off an ex of mine was when I left a picture of her and her family on the refridgerator during an early shoot! And you could still kinda make it in out in the background, even at 800 x 600.

Gutterboy · 07-20-2003, 02:43 PM

Stop casting porosity? hahaha.

Used to drive by that sign on 880 all the time. Is it still there? Always wondered what the fuck it meant.

Greg B · 07-20-2003, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKFK
Yeah, you'll never believe how pissed off an ex of mine was when I left a picture of her and her family on the refridgerator during an early shoot! And you could still kinda make it in out in the background, even at 800 x 600.

Greg B · 07-20-2003, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKFK
Yeah, you'll never believe how pissed off an ex of mine was when I left a picture of her and her family on the refridgerator during an early shoot! And you could still kinda make it in out in the background, even at 800 x 600.

Dang reply button!!!

Anyhow, I have a large collection of pics where people would carelessly post their personal info! Everything from pics of kids, family, etc.

Even phone bills, cable vision bills magnetted all over the fridge.

License plates etc.

Chicks would post pics about how they were single and free but in the background you could see an army of crumbsnathers with her in the pic and marriage pics etc.

Tooooo funny.

SykkBoy · 07-20-2003, 03:15 PM

dont' forget the ghastly pink and gray afghan hanging over the back of the lime green couch that has some visible cigarette burns on the arms.....

AOLGuy · 07-20-2003, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Gutterboy
Stop casting porosity? hahaha.

Used to drive by that sign on 880 all the time. Is it still there? Always wondered what the fuck it meant.

The sign is actually part of the U.S. Pipe company - I didn't get it at first either.

But a friend of mine I used to do music with actually took US Pipe as his rap name, and had a photo of him in front of that sign that I saw for ages...

One day, it hit me: it's actually a sort of tag line for a product to stop the porousness of metals when cast -- i.e. holes and the like in weaker parts of the metal. The company makes some sort of product and process to reduce that.

It sounds much cooler though if you don't get the real meaning.

VirtuMike · 07-20-2003, 03:44 PM

Great points. But amateur is what sells. It has to look real. If that means a box of opened tampons, some toothbrushes, and a bottle of nair in the frame, you have to shoot it.

freeadultcontent · 07-20-2003, 03:52 PM

How could you forget the Motel 6 rooms and decore?

07-20-2003, 08:35 AM	#1
Greg B So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: EARTH (for the time being) Posts: 7,014	10 Ways to tell it's an Amateur porn shoot 10.) Even with autofocus and steady shot, the images or video will look like Barney Fife was the director. 9.) Unfinished laundry must be seen on the floor or background including the kid's soccer practice clothes, baby clothes and last night's concert chili stained " I'm with stupid " t-shirt. 8.) A dog or cat's food dish with half eaten food and water must somehow be part of the background. 7.) Neighbors and passersby can be seen mowing their lawns or standing aghast. 6.) Somehow, someway, high school pics, family pics, diplomas and shopping lists will inevitably be seen in clear view in the background posted on the bedpost or refrigerator. 5.) Garbage still in the garbage bin needing emptying and without flaw there will be pampers, beer and soda bottles and a crushed pizza box nearby. 4.) Gotta have that license plate or mailbox or better yet that 'Welcome to Such-n-Such Town' in the shoot or it ain't authentic. 3.) What would an amateur shoot be like without some off camera cigarette smoke wafting in front of the lens so that the pics look like those " Ghost Visits Family " pics from the Weekly World News. 2.) Not much of an amateur shoot without the kid's palm prints all over the wall in the background! 1.) The Sun. Gotta take advantage of every way the sun can screw up a shot. Ain't good amateur stuff unless somehow, a violation of the laws of common sense and physics come into play and that old burning ball of giant gas appears behind everything or glaring off of something obscurring vital image targets.

07-20-2003, 08:41 AM	#2
lock Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Australia Posts: 5,065	Anything without makeup and lighting. But in the spirit of the post "The pussy is red raw" __________________ Traffic.Tools - 40+ Free Tools Free.Marketing - 150+ Free Tools Submission.Tools - 20+ Free Tools

07-20-2003, 11:19 AM	#4
skrog Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 7,230	Going for the reality touch __________________ banners, HTML5 banners, Bluray/DVD covers, full page ads, half page ads, headers, logos, 100% responsive galleries, SEO optimization, social media mgmt. skype: skrogdotnet

07-20-2003, 03:15 PM	#11
SykkBoy Jesus loves bacon Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Sin City, Motherfucker Posts: 19,969	dont' forget the ghastly pink and gray afghan hanging over the back of the lime green couch that has some visible cigarette burns on the arms..... __________________ Support my new movie “The Second Coming”

07-20-2003, 03:44 PM	#13
VirtuMike Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Location: Seat 1A Posts: 2,483	Great points. But amateur is what sells. It has to look real. If that means a box of opened tampons, some toothbrushes, and a bottle of nair in the frame, you have to shoot it. __________________ Host it in AMSTERDAM at EUROTIVITY! - We also offer BACKUP SERVICES! XYZZY4L

07-20-2003, 11:17 AM	#3
eiht_98 Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: EU Posts: 6,103	who cares

07-20-2003, 02:36 PM	#5
Mikey Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 665	i like amateur content

07-20-2003, 02:38 PM	#7
AOLGuy Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Nebraska Posts: 1,261	Yeah, you'll never believe how pissed off an ex of mine was when I left a picture of her and her family on the refridgerator during an early shoot! And you could still kinda make it in out in the background, even at 800 x 600.

07-20-2003, 02:43 PM	#8
Gutterboy So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Dis Posts: 4,751	Stop casting porosity? hahaha. Used to drive by that sign on 880 all the time. Is it still there? Always wondered what the fuck it meant.

07-20-2003, 03:52 PM	#14
freeadultcontent Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: "evitcepsrep ruoy egnahc" Posts: 9,976	How could you forget the Motel 6 rooms and decore? __________________ Exclusive Ethnic & Microniche Sites