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Welcome to the GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum forums. You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us. |
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| Discuss what's fucking going on, and which programs are best and worst. One-time "program" announcements from "established" webmasters are allowed. |
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06-28-2003, 11:52 AM
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#1 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: London - UK
Posts: 2,851
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101 Things not to say during sex...
101 Things NOT to Say During Sex
But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me up for that? Did I mention the video camera? Do you smell something burning? (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead... Try breathing through your nose. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone! Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant? Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? But whipped cream makes me break out. Person 1: This is your first time..right? Person 2: Yeah.. today (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour! Can you please pass me the remote control? Do you accept Visa? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ On second thought, let's turn off the lights. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend! So much for mouth-to-mouth. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay? Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober... (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo! Do you get any premium movie channels? Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch! Got any penicillin? But I just brushed my teeth... Smile, you're on Candid Camera! I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs! I want a baby! So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies! (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work? Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth... Did you know the ceiling needs painting? I think you have it on backwards. When is this supposed to feel good? Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs! You're good enough to do this for a living! Is that blood on the headboard? Did I remember to take my pill? Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere? I wish we got the Playboy channel... That leak better be from the waterbed! I told you it wouldn't work without batteries! But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed? If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.. No, really... I do this part better myself! It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate! This would be more fun with a few more people.. You're almost as good as my ex! Do you know the definition of statutory rape? Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes? You look younger than you feel. Perhaps you're just out of practice. You sweat more than a galloping stallion! They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash. Now I know why he/she dumped you... Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun? You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated. What tampon? Have you ever considered liposuction? And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner! What are you planning to make for breakfast? I have a confession... I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home! Are those real or am I just behind the times? Were you by any chance repressed as a child? Is that a hanging sculpture? You'll still vote for me, won't you? Did I mention my transsexual operation? I really hate women who actually think sex means something! Did you come yet, dear? I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about... A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time! Does this count as a date? Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you! Hic! I need another beer for this please. I think biting is romantic- don't you? You can cook too, right? When would you like to meet my parents? Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like... Woman: Yourself? Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"? Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls? I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light? Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman. Sorry but I don't do toes! You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it! Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO! Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper... I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer". So that's why they call you MR. Flash! My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer! Is this a sin too? I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain! Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn? Long kisses clog my sinuses... Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise... How long do you plan to be "almost there"? You mean you're NOT my blind date? |
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06-28-2003, 11:54 AM
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#2 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Less camgirl than porn chickie...conveniently located in Porn Central.
Posts: 2,745
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Quote:
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06-28-2003, 11:57 AM
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#3 | |
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Fuck Checks, CASH only!
Join Date: May 2002
Location: New York City
Posts: 19,422
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Quote:
please spank that cutie for me
__________________
 Spanking, Medical Fetish, Sleeping, Strap-on Anal Lesbians, Girls Fucking Guys, Handjob site REAL HOT, Shemales, Anal and Ass Licking sites 100% Real EXCLUSIVE with amazing retention, ccbill payouts, lots of content FREE FTP HOSTING Promote the largest and oldest member paid escort site, Converts 10 times better then any dating site, CCBill payouts ICQ# 158802076 |
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06-28-2003, 11:58 AM
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#4 |
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I need a beer
 
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠
Posts: 133,976
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 Your pussy stinks?
__________________
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06-28-2003, 12:03 PM
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#5 |
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Long time no happy ending
Industry Role:
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: San Diego CA
Posts: 10,597
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Thank you... I now have all of the material for my bloopers section. You have won a free lifetime pass to my site - [email protected]
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06-28-2003, 12:04 PM
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#6 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Less camgirl than porn chickie...conveniently located in Porn Central.
Posts: 2,745
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Quote:
I spank YOU!!!! Come on over! ;) |
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06-28-2003, 01:03 PM
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#7 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: London - UK
Posts: 2,851
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Quote:
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06-28-2003, 01:38 PM
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#8 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Fantasy Island
Posts: 1,770
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" Damn... you're sister is hot!"
__________________
Get A $25 Circuit City GIFT Card - FREE! 
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06-28-2003, 01:41 PM
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#9 | |
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Long time no happy ending
Industry Role:
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: San Diego CA
Posts: 10,597
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Quote:
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06-28-2003, 01:42 PM
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#10 |
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Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Virgin Mary's womb
Posts: 16,826
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"(holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!"
__________________
Often times I wonder why There's love and hate, theres live or die. When sickness comes I must decide: When feelings go, theres suicide. |
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06-28-2003, 01:50 PM
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#11 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: under the bridge
Posts: 567
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so, who are you anyway?
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