dchottie

LITTLE BRUNO ON ...GETTING OLDER

Little Bruno was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Bruno replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at
a time?"
"No" replied Little Bruno, "he minded his own fucking business!!"

~~~~~~~~~~

LITTLE BRUNO ON...PHILOSOPHY

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Bruno.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking,"
Then little Bruno says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3
women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately
licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is
biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the
one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone," To which Little Bruno replied, "The correct answer is 'the one
with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

~~~~~~~~~

LITTLE BRUNO ON... MATH:

Little Bruno returns home from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father." "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied Bruno.
"But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me,
'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father?
"That's what I said!" replied Little Bruno.

~~~~~~~~~~

LITTLE BRUNO ON...ENGLISH:

Little Bruno goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Bruno says " Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Bruno, that's a
mouthful." Little Bruno says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

~~~~~~~~~~~

LITTLE BRUNO ON...GRAMMAR:

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in
it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little Bruno. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful

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