Events The ULTIMATE (& 100% TRUTHFUL) Xmas toilet story!!! Come inside and laugh at my misfortune...

[CurrentlySober]

OK, as promised, its Xmas, so time for my ultimate Xmas poo story ! Aren't you lucky? But please bear in mind that every part of what I am about to type is 100% truthful. Hopefully it will be my Xmas gift of laughter for some, and perhaps help to brighten up Xmas day by laughing at my misfortune...

Story starts a few days before Xmas in the late 90's. Around the time 'Quake' the video game was poopular. I had a pal, Jace, who was really into it. He used to take his computer to these 'LAN-Parties' - Where they would network the computers together and all play at the same time. After one party he found himself infected with the 'Chernobyl Virus' and ultimately asked me if I could come round and sort it out for him. I said sure, see you tomorrow evening at about 7pm. He had two small children and by then they would be in bed...

Well best laid plans of mice and men etc and I get delayed and its getting later and later and I'm kinda in touch with Jace, on and off, explaining my absence and making apologies etc etc and its now getting REALLY late. It is decided however that I shall still come round and he will wait up for me. I arrive at his house and tap gently on the window at nearly midnight, and he lets me in. His wife has had to go to bed and naturally the kids are asleep. He's grateful that I still made it over, but he's very tired and so suggests he sits quietly on the sofa and lets me get on with it. He's also kept back some of his chinese meal he had earlier for me, and reheats it up so I can eat it while I work...

Unfortunately, the virus is well and truly imbedded into his PC and it's taking me a lot longer than I thought it would, but I carry on, enjoying the chinese and enjoying the work. Before you know it its about half three in the morning and Jace has fallen asleep on the sofa. I decide to just carry on and finish so I do. At about half five I finish and realise that I desperately need a shit.

As I have been to his house before on quite a few occasions, I already know that the toilet is at the top of the stairs. There are two other rooms upstairs, his and the kids. I try to go up as quietly as possible. In the darkness, I can just about see that both the bedroom doors are wide open (So his wife can hear the kids etc) so I slip into the bathroom and quietly close the door. I find myself engulfed in total darkness.... I reach to behind the door for the heavy pull cord that turns on the light, (I remembered ts location from my last visit - Is was overly thick and had a sea-shell attached to the end) but cant find it. I grope about for it some more, but then have a stomach cramp. Yep, the chinese was definitely dodgy, I really must go now and I can't find the fucking light ! Theres also a funny smell that I cant quite place as well, however from previous visits I know roughly where the toilet is and there really is NO TIME to waste so I step forward and manage to find it in the dark. Pull down my pants, sit down and - URGGHHH... Glorious Relief !

At the back of my mind though, something doesn't seem quite right but I cant put my finger on it. However I'm really tired by now and dont worry too much about what it is thats making me uneasy. I simply grope round for some toilet paper in the dark, find it and wipe up. The place is stinking to hight heaven, so despite the chance of waking the children I simply must flush the toilet. I pull on the handle but it doesnt flush! It's just loose like its not connected to anything. It must be broken - Fuck. But its not my fault. As such I decide to simply close the toilet door and wait for it to get light. Then I shall go back upstairs and finish off the flush. Should his wife awake before it gets light, then so be it. She will understand and it can't be helped. Not exactly the end of the world..

So I go back downstairs, Jace is still asleep on the couch, so I start playing Quake on his newly restored computer with the volume turned down. Then, all of a sudden I hear the doorbell ring and some loud knocking on the front door. I see Jace is waking up and he says to me to get the door. So without thinking I go out the room to open the door. I realize that although its still early, its now got light, so I think to myself that I'l get the door and just go back upstairs and flush before his wife gets up. Thats the plan and I'll stick to it. Through the glass of his door I can see the shapes of about 4 burly men, but Jace has asked me to get the door, so open the door I will.

I open it and kinda expect them to ask for Jace, or possibly ask me who I was, for answering Jaces door, or any number of other things. What I didn't expect though, was for them to just walk into the house, straight past me in the hall and start ascending the stairs! Jace appears from the lounge rubbing his eyes and says. Cheers mate. They are earlier than expected. He notes the quizzical look on my face and says - Oh yeah sorry mate - It was so late last night, I forgot to tell you. We are having a brand new bathroom suite fitted. It was delivered yesterday while I was waiting for you to arrive. They took our old one away and have just stood the new one in place... They are here now to plumb it in and connect the water and stuff....

Then I heard the words 'What the Fuck !!!' being shouted from upstairs along with the commotion of his wife and kids being woken up... I'll never forget the guys face as he had to carry the brand new toilet down the stairs to clean it out outside with the garden hose. Yes, that's right. I had just taken a full on, chinese meal inspired shit, in a brand new unconnected toilet... !!!

I made my excuses and left before the chaos got out of control and don't think I ever spoke to Jace again. Luckily I left to go live in America for 10 years a week or so after, so avoided any potential embarrassment from it.

So there yah go. My ultimate and 100% truthful Xmas Poo story in all its detailed glory...

PS: If your wondering why I couldn't find the light pull cord for the light, and what the funny smell was... Well... It was paint! They had just repainted the bathroom walls in anticipation of the brand new bath, sink and toilet that were being fitted, and as such had removed the pull cord from the fitting !

Don't forget to vote me 'Most Poopular' in the GFY awards... Or in any of the other categories I have been nominated in Infact, use me as a protest vote if you wish you had been chosen yourself, or simply don't like anyone else who has been nominated

USE AND ABUSE ME lol

Anyway, this thread will disappear soon enough once all the Xmas wishes threads truly begin in force, so enjoy it while you can - Love you all X & Happy holidays to all at GFY.

[CurrentlySober]

TL/DR?

I went round a mates house and took a huge shit in a brand new, unconnect toilet! Whoops

Business as usual

[Dead]

Merry Christmas poomaster!!! Poor fuckin plumber

[CurrentlySober]

Originally Posted by Dead

Merry Christmas poomaster!!! Poor fuckin plumber

Hope you had a good one too

[Bladewire]

I love when you tell us stories about your life so well spoken & unique 💕💖💕