What's the scariest thing that ever happened to you?

Funny you'd mention that,
I had a health scare the other day, my eye was deformed
That's the scariest thing that has happened to me in quite some time

Another one.

So we were traveling through South Africa. I was driving looking cool with my shades on and my partner was reading a guide book. She was reading about these flies that suck your blood. We had a good laugh about it.
I then felt my eye tickle so went to rub it, under by shades. Still tickled, rubbed it again. Still tickled. This time I looked in the rear view mirror and moved my glasses.

I was fucking horrified to see a mother fucking fly sitting on my eye, was it sucking blood I have no idea but it made me nearly crash the car.

Another one.

I was having a shower and I saw something on the ceiling, I couldn't tell if it was a spider or a fly.
I am not scared of flies (except perhaps bloodsucking ones) and not really spiders unless they are big.

This one was pretty big but I was thinking it's all good if it stays up there on the ceiling.
I carried on showering and looked up again.

Just as I looked up I saw in move, I thought in that fraction of a second it was a spider falling.

Turns out it was a fucking fly.

I fell, bruised by back.. soft cunt.

Car accident - fell asleep at the wheel. Hit a rail on the side of a highway at the edge of a cliff. Wrecked the side of the car and knocked the tire off the wheel, but it could have been much worse.

That's not really funny, I was looking for funny anecdotes.

But anyway I have a car crash story too.

80mph on the motorway and I side swiped another car, the car turned over twice and we ended up on the banking.
I was with a passenger who wasn't wearing a seat belt. He managed to disappear through the passenger window. I saw him walking back towards the car after I got my bearings.

When I first came out my moms Pussy....

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I nearly drowned surfing at Pipeline...but Nia Peeples didn't give me a horse ride after I washed up on the beach.

when i first came out of your moms pussy

keep adding more lines to sig bro lol there is no limit

Not to sound like a keyboard warrior tough guy...but I don't get scared. I think after photographin' hundreds of abandoned places at night, many of them in sketchy neighbourhoods...I just kinda' suppress fear while I'm concentrating on getting the best shots possible.

Driving on a highway alone, going the speed limit. Next thing I know, a big spider on a strand of web has lowered itself down right in front of my face. Since my hands are on the steering wheel, I blow it really hard to get it out of my face.

It works well, until I run out of air and it comes swinging back at my face, full force, like a pendulum. I only have an instant before it hits my face to fill my lungs with air again and blow. So this happen 3 or 4 times until I swat the motherfucker away. Can't make this shit up. Lucky I didn't crash.

When I sat on the toilet and discovered I couldn't go... Terrifying

Getting married for the third time. LOL

I was working at a tech company on a night shift. I carpooled with a buddy of mine. It was my week to drive so I dropped him off at his place and headed for home. It was about 3 am and I had to go down a few back country roads before I could get to the main highway and back to my place. As I round a corner I come across a car in the ditch. There is a guy sitting on the ground behind it bleeding. I pull over to see if he is okay and to ask if he wants me to call anyone. This is right when cell phones were getting popular and I had just gotten my first phone.

He stands up, holding his arm which has a towel or something wrapped around it as a makeshift bandage and tells me he is fine, everything is taken care of. I ask if he needs anything because he seems very nervous. Right about then a phone in his pocket rings. He answers it says a few words then hands the phone to me. I'm assuming it is someone that might need directions. I say, "Hello?" a very calm, matter-of-fact voice replies, "When I am finished speaking I want you to hand the phone back to the gentleman you are talking to, get in your shiny white car and leave. Forget you ever stopped or saw this. Am I clear?" I was in a white car and I nearly shit my pants. I said it was clear, handed the phone back to the other guy, wished him well, and hauled ass out of there.

The next day when I drove by on my way to my buddy's house the car was gone. You could see where the wreck had happened, but nothing else. I assume they had a car full of drugs or guns or something and were waiting for someone to come get them. The guy on the phone was likely in the woods keeping watch. It could have turned out very bad for me.

Seeing a dwarf coming out of a vagina and laughing all the way to deposit child-suport money ...

check the picture of my profile