Rejected Personal Ad - GoFuckYourself.com

Cheshire · 03-18-2003, 10:03 AM

Someone sent this to me, and it's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time
http://www.savethehumans.com/culture...ahoo_personal/

My Rejected Yahoo! Personal Ad

by Jason Roth

I never did this before, but all my friends told me to try, so here it goes!

I'm looking for an honest, intelligent, rational, independent, ex-porn star with a great chest. A woman who likes to get trashed, puts out on the first date, and enjoys discussing politics. If you can drink me under the table while arguing metaphysics using only four-letter words, you might be the one for me. I'm a hopeless romantic, and enjoy long walks on the beach, romantic candlelit dinners, and blowjobs. I like punk-rock, enjoy discussing ethics, and will most likely piss off your relatives at cocktail parties. I love watching movies with heroic, romantic characters who preferably get naked and/or beat the shit out of each other. The more sex, violence, and life-affirming thematic elements, the better. A soft-core Cyrano de Bergerac with kung fu, car chases, and a Ramones song on the soundtrack. That's my kind of movie.

I'm looking for a woman who wouldn't mind making out in the back row at a philosophy lecture. A woman with enough of a backbone to tell me when I'm full of shit and who won't cry like a baby if I happen to fail to give myself whiplash in the act of looking away every time some chick in tight pants happens to walk in front of me. I want a woman who occasionally wears tight pants herself and occasionally gets so impassioned about something that she's full of shit herself once in a while. And kicks, screams, and has the balls to admit it when someone points it out to her.

Someone who has an actual opinion. Any opinion. And doesn't feel so intimidated by what other people think that she can't actually voice it. Someone who's toked up once in her life or at least won't go running back to daddy anytime she meets someone who has.

Sure, I'm looking for a soulmate. But give me someone with a soul and that'll be a decent start. Someone who likes to eat good food, makes fun of bums, and gets wet at the thought of Islamic terrorists getting splattered into a big, bloody mess by American bombs. Someone who loves America and is equally pissed off by its government. Someone who has a great body and shows it off, and a great mind and shows it off.

I'm looking for a woman who likes New Order's True Faith, Nena's 99 Luftballoons, and a good dick joke. A woman who can sing along with the Grease soundtrack, and won't mind it if I stand in the corner at her cousin-in-law's wedding and drink martinis while talking to the bartender about how full of shit everyone is. Someone who's idea of a good time is analyzing the idiocy of anti-smoking laws in a dark, smoky bar. Someone who hogs the jukebox and makes me wait an hour for my songs to come on. Someone who's literate but hangs her prepositions.

I'm looking for a woman with a career she loves or a desire to get one. Someone who has a mind and doesn't stifle it to be liked. Someone who doesn't think that earning her paycheck is "geeky", but would gladly wear the title of "geek" with pride.

Someone who's "book smart" and looks good in glasses. Someone who knows the difference between atomic weight and welterweight. Someone who can run a mile even it means messing up her hair. Someone who buys Playgirl Magazine for the articles.

If, after all these qualifications, you can still manage "cute", "sensitive", and "a great sense of humor", then shit, you're at the top of my list.

To reply, please send a note, along with a photo proving you're not a 70-year-old man from the Philippines, to this address. I look forward to talking to you.

G Sharp · 03-18-2003, 10:05 AM

SleazyDream · 03-18-2003, 10:06 AM

did you reply?

DarkJedi · 03-18-2003, 10:13 AM

thats great hahaha

Cheshire · 03-18-2003, 10:19 AM

Thank you DarkJedi

I thought it was funny too, but apparently my sense of humor differs from the majority of the population ~ I can accept that.

SleazyDream · 03-18-2003, 10:25 AM

I was serious - kind of sounds like you might like the guy who wrote the ad and be what he (and me) are looking for.......

twinkley · 03-18-2003, 10:26 AM

I dont understand why it was rejected...

The guy is being honest! hahaha

twinkley

Butrflied · 03-18-2003, 10:27 AM

thats awesome .. thanks Cheshire

dantheman · 03-18-2003, 10:29 AM

damnit, quit posting my personal ads

angeleyes · 03-18-2003, 10:32 AM

Way back when, I used to have an ad on AOL's personal site before Match invaded it.... I now wish I would have saved some of the responses... they were hilarious. I remember this one guy that started his email like this:

"Hi, I saw your ad. I believe in being honest so I must tell you that I am 35, still live with my parents and I have herpes. Now, if this doesn't bother you.... blah blah blah"

I couldn't hit the delete button fast enough.

Carrie · 03-18-2003, 10:35 AM

He forgot the part about pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Awesome ad!

Gotta love a guy who isn't afraid to admit that he's male right down to the core.

Cheshire · 03-18-2003, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Carrie
pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Now THAT is my kinda man

The Porn Dude · 03-18-2003, 10:39 AM

That was freaking hilarious.

Nina · 03-18-2003, 10:44 AM

I think I'm in love.

DatingGold · 03-18-2003, 12:26 PM

Yaeh we get some damn weird ones too on our sites...

KingK7 · 03-18-2003, 12:32 PM

[Labret] · 03-18-2003, 12:37 PM

Christ, I want to date him.

austinth · 03-18-2003, 12:47 PM

I think he's been watching too many Dr. Phil re-runs.

SilverTab · 03-18-2003, 12:53 PM

LOL Awesome ad!

Dildozer · 03-18-2003, 01:16 PM

That's a great ad!!!
Sounds alot like I would describe my dream girl.

03-18-2003, 10:03 AM	#1
Cheshire Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Rosen-Villin Posts: 5,738	Rejected Personal Ad Someone sent this to me, and it's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time http://www.savethehumans.com/culture...ahoo_personal/ My Rejected Yahoo! Personal Ad by Jason Roth I never did this before, but all my friends told me to try, so here it goes! I'm looking for an honest, intelligent, rational, independent, ex-porn star with a great chest. A woman who likes to get trashed, puts out on the first date, and enjoys discussing politics. If you can drink me under the table while arguing metaphysics using only four-letter words, you might be the one for me. I'm a hopeless romantic, and enjoy long walks on the beach, romantic candlelit dinners, and blowjobs. I like punk-rock, enjoy discussing ethics, and will most likely piss off your relatives at cocktail parties. I love watching movies with heroic, romantic characters who preferably get naked and/or beat the shit out of each other. The more sex, violence, and life-affirming thematic elements, the better. A soft-core Cyrano de Bergerac with kung fu, car chases, and a Ramones song on the soundtrack. That's my kind of movie. I'm looking for a woman who wouldn't mind making out in the back row at a philosophy lecture. A woman with enough of a backbone to tell me when I'm full of shit and who won't cry like a baby if I happen to fail to give myself whiplash in the act of looking away every time some chick in tight pants happens to walk in front of me. I want a woman who occasionally wears tight pants herself and occasionally gets so impassioned about something that she's full of shit herself once in a while. And kicks, screams, and has the balls to admit it when someone points it out to her. Someone who has an actual opinion. Any opinion. And doesn't feel so intimidated by what other people think that she can't actually voice it. Someone who's toked up once in her life or at least won't go running back to daddy anytime she meets someone who has. Sure, I'm looking for a soulmate. But give me someone with a soul and that'll be a decent start. Someone who likes to eat good food, makes fun of bums, and gets wet at the thought of Islamic terrorists getting splattered into a big, bloody mess by American bombs. Someone who loves America and is equally pissed off by its government. Someone who has a great body and shows it off, and a great mind and shows it off. I'm looking for a woman who likes New Order's True Faith, Nena's 99 Luftballoons, and a good dick joke. A woman who can sing along with the Grease soundtrack, and won't mind it if I stand in the corner at her cousin-in-law's wedding and drink martinis while talking to the bartender about how full of shit everyone is. Someone who's idea of a good time is analyzing the idiocy of anti-smoking laws in a dark, smoky bar. Someone who hogs the jukebox and makes me wait an hour for my songs to come on. Someone who's literate but hangs her prepositions. I'm looking for a woman with a career she loves or a desire to get one. Someone who has a mind and doesn't stifle it to be liked. Someone who doesn't think that earning her paycheck is "geeky", but would gladly wear the title of "geek" with pride. Someone who's "book smart" and looks good in glasses. Someone who knows the difference between atomic weight and welterweight. Someone who can run a mile even it means messing up her hair. Someone who buys Playgirl Magazine for the articles. If, after all these qualifications, you can still manage "cute", "sensitive", and "a great sense of humor", then shit, you're at the top of my list. To reply, please send a note, along with a photo proving you're not a 70-year-old man from the Philippines, to this address. I look forward to talking to you. __________________ just a little bit naughty

03-18-2003, 10:05 AM	#2
G Sharp So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,343	okay

03-18-2003, 10:06 AM	#3
SleazyDream I'm here for SPORT Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phone # (401) 285-0696 Posts: 41,470	did you reply? __________________ This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! Now read without the word dog.

03-18-2003, 10:19 AM	#5
Cheshire Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Rosen-Villin Posts: 5,738	Thank you DarkJedi I thought it was funny too, but apparently my sense of humor differs from the majority of the population ~ I can accept that. __________________ just a little bit naughty

03-18-2003, 10:25 AM	#6
SleazyDream I'm here for SPORT Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phone # (401) 285-0696 Posts: 41,470	I was serious - kind of sounds like you might like the guy who wrote the ad and be what he (and me) are looking for....... __________________ This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! Now read without the word dog.

03-18-2003, 10:13 AM	#4
DarkJedi No Refunds Issued. Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: GFY Posts: 28,300	thats great hahaha

03-18-2003, 10:26 AM	#7
twinkley Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Pueblo, CO Posts: 807	I dont understand why it was rejected... The guy is being honest! hahaha twinkley

03-18-2003, 10:27 AM	#8
Butrflied Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: SoFLa Posts: 1,344	thats awesome .. thanks Cheshire __________________ ~Butrflied~

03-18-2003, 10:29 AM	#9
dantheman OG Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 3,308	damnit, quit posting my personal ads __________________ M3server.com VPS>Get your 2nd month free Ded>$100 off your 2nd month since 1996 icq-25135623 dannyh at~m3server DOT com

03-18-2003, 10:32 AM	#10
angeleyes Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Wandering around FL using random Wireless Connections Posts: 3,584	Way back when, I used to have an ad on AOL's personal site before Match invaded it.... I now wish I would have saved some of the responses... they were hilarious. I remember this one guy that started his email like this: "Hi, I saw your ad. I believe in being honest so I must tell you that I am 35, still live with my parents and I have herpes. Now, if this doesn't bother you.... blah blah blah" I couldn't hit the delete button fast enough. __________________ Need a Writer? Contact Me. I write quality descriptions, short erotic stories, quality one-liners.. whatever you need.

03-18-2003, 10:35 AM	#11
Carrie Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Virgin - nee Posts: 3,162	He forgot the part about pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Awesome ad! Gotta love a guy who isn't afraid to admit that he's male right down to the core.

03-18-2003, 10:39 AM	#13
The Porn Dude Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: There are two kinds of people in the world, those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig! Posts: 369	That was freaking hilarious. __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

03-18-2003, 10:44 AM	#14
Nina Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: NYC Posts: 2,687	I think I'm in love.

03-18-2003, 12:26 PM	#15
DatingGold $6 PER EMAIL JOiN Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: California Posts: 13,185	Yaeh we get some damn weird ones too on our sites... __________________ 9 Years of SOLID payouts and conversions! ADULT DATING - $100 PPS LIVE CAMS - $214 PPS WWW.DATINGGOLD.COM ICQ: 27442303

03-18-2003, 12:32 PM	#16
KingK7 Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 6,372

03-18-2003, 12:37 PM	#17
[Labret] Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: Са́нкт-Петербу́рг Posts: 10,945	Christ, I want to date him.

03-18-2003, 12:47 PM	#18
austinth Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Fantasy Island Posts: 1,770	I think he's been watching too many Dr. Phil re-runs. __________________ Get A $25 Circuit City GIFT Card - *FREE*!

03-18-2003, 12:53 PM	#19
SilverTab Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: MTL Posts: 5,060	LOL Awesome ad! __________________ mmm my sig was too big... no more cool animation but hey still! need php? ICQ: 94586959

03-18-2003, 01:16 PM	#20
Dildozer Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Montreal Posts: 7,519	That's a great ad!!! Sounds alot like I would describe my dream girl. __________________ Spam link here