Advice: How To Get Over a Girl?

Thank you for the detailed reply, and Merry Christmas to you as well.

I'll be honest, I don't play the Barney Stinsen (How I Met Your Mother character) persona of treating women, as if there are many and they are easy to get etc.

I consider myself to be mature and I try to show intelligence, connect with the woman, use social skills and try to find things in common etc. We would have deep conversations for an hour or two discussing family, our history, our education etc.

Then she brought up a guy that she was starting to chat with and so I decided to play her game and I showed her a picture and told her about a girl I was starting to chat with. Here I was trying to use psychology to show her other girls are interested in me, but I don't think this helped.

This is concerning me, as I think you're right - maybe my approach is fucked up and I've fucked up this entire thing? I've tried to be me, but I don't think I've given the appearance of being confident.

To be honest, thinking about it now, a lack of confidence might be a big issue

Precisely elaborated text of these shorter ones:

Friend zone type of guy

Very true, and noted - but I think TheSquealer might be onto something here.

Let's try and delve deeper into this and maybe I'll be able to learn how to not fuck this up again in future?

Haha, shit That's a big problem.

Sack up princess.

Not just onto something, but it is exactly how he says, you usually learn that trough experience.

Feelings?? Are you a woman?? She probably isn't a lesbian.

Speaking about being a man etc, I'm sure this didn't help my quest to win her over:

I was recently at a club with her and we were dancing when all of a sudden a guy (part of a group of six guys all wearing a club t-shirt) dropped a beer bottle and it smashed on the floor and cut her leg.

My immediate reaction was to put myself in between her and the group of guys and then I guided her to the bathroom as I could see she was cut.

I then went to the club manager, got her a plaster and went to her and gave her the plaster. The cut was a bleeding, but she managed to clean it up a little, and then the plaster helped.

Only afterwards did I realise that maybe she would have wanted or maybe I should have confronted the guy?

The way I see it was:
1. I could have been semi aggressive and been like "Look at what you did"
2. I could have made him feel bad and tried to get him to apologise, by saying: "You dropped the bottle and cut this lady.."

Either way, it wouldn't have changed anything, but maybe she expected that?

Truth is, I don't think it would have been worth it because I can't afford to have a criminal record, but I wonder...

I know i sound like a shit,.. i know this is hard. But its a bit funny at the same timme because in spite of how it may feel, every single person on the planet over the age of 16 has been there more than once. Every time, they thought it was the end of the world. Every time, it isn't. Eventually, everyone finds the right person. You're hung up on the wrong person.

And you're right. Nothing kills attraction more than a lack of confidence. That point can not be overstated when it comes to meeting women. Again, look at any masculine hero you have. He exudes confidence. He stands tall. He is erect. He speaks with confidence. He dresses sharply. He has a firm handshake. He looks people in the eye. He is comfortable around others and in conversation. He does NOTHING to qualify himself to others (bragging, stating credentials etc) and he gets others to qualify themselves to him just by being himself and he doesn't chase the girls... they pursue him after he's shown only the slightest interest and then ignored them. They then approach him. That is game.

You can be doing 50 small things wrong in how you present and carry yourself (i.e. looking and acting like you have no confidence in how you stand, talk etc) and not even be fully aware of it. But women are picking up on everything. Everything. At its core, social interactions between a single man and woman are about finding a strong mate. A strong mate. Not finding sperm. Any slob can provide that. Finding someone that can thrive, provide, lead, protect etc.

But more than anything, if you just focus on approaching girls, focus on how you walk, talk and act etc and just keep doing it,... your confidence grows. You become comfortable. Interactions become routine. You get better and better at approaching and talking to women and the funniest thing of all is that as you become more confident, they start approaching you more and more adn you'll realize that you could walk out your front door any day of the week and come home that day with almost any girl you choose.

So you would have escalated something simple like a guy accidentally dropping a beer bottle to impress your date? This whole thread reeks of "manly" issues.


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I just had a great laugh at that, THANK YOU!

I'm not that bad - but pretty close, only difference is that I do all of that in my mind, I would only send the first message and then the rest would happen in my mind, luckily not actually acted upon

He was drunk, but yes - from what I could tell it was an accident. To be honest I'm glad I didn't escalate it, because I would see it only going one way - into a fight.

I just wonder what it did to my chances, which from what I can tell were shit already, so I guess it doesn't matter.

I just thought I would add it here to get a different opinion as it has been bothering me.

btw,,, i dress like an asshole. I am a smart ass. I am fairly intelligent. I use cutting and borderline mean humor as a defense mechanism to mask insecurity.

When i was young, i noticed that i would frequently be a dick to a hot girl as a sort of pre-emptive measure to make sure i didn't have to deal with being rejected by her. It didn't take long before I noticed the strangest thing... the harder i tried to push them away, the more attracted they became. I was going home with the cute girls without even trying. In fact, i was usually confused about it myself.... because the conventional wisdom is that girls want a "nice guy".

The truth is that girls are not attracted to "the nice guy". Girls are attracted to the confident bad boy who is everything i describe. Every girl that claims they are not, can be seduced just as easily, married or not by that guy.

They are largely drawn to the exception to the rule (the confident guy who is showing them zero attention and even pushing themselves away). Or as L-Pink so elloquently put it.. the guy who's dick she is sucking and who didn't buy her a single gift.

Hot chicks in particular get terribly disturbed when an average guy just isn't interested in them or tell them things like tend to naturally do like "I used to date a girl just like you, she was a huge pain in the ass. Never again.". Women only want a "nice guy" once they are married, thinking about family and having kids. Thats when they need the nurturing, the stability, the security, a guy that is certain to come home every night. A guy that is thinking about them constantly and demonstrating it by buying flowers and gifts all the time and leaving cute little notes around the house. Until that point, if you want to attract a normal woman to you, you have to be the alpha male (worry about how she'll demand you change, later. Just know that its coming)

Nearly every behavior which attracts a woman to you is everything that ultimately destroys a relationship. It's important to understand that distinction and separate that two.