I'm not against it per se. If there was conclusive research that proved it undeniably, I would certainly embrace that. As it stands, there are 2 big problems with it- 1, it's a label and labeling people doesn't help matters. 2, it's an easy excuse that addicts can cling to in order to justify their personal decisions to keep using.
brushing it aside so carte blanche as just being a choice is what keeps many addicts from seeking help waaaaaaaaay earlier - this mass-thinking that it's purely a matter of choice/willpower.
Once you have someone IN recovery, then yeah, like you did with your sponsees, you can lay out the choice thing, because without the substance being in their system 24/7, the head clears, and that ability of choice returns over a period of time (however long that might be for each individual).
I can only speak about alcohol, but who the fuck thinks, at age 15 "I better not touch this stuff, there's a 10% chance I'll become an alcoholic in later life, even though my perception of an alcoholic is a homeless bum" - well, pretty much no-one, and why the fuck would they lol. By the time the addiction is full blown, any 'choice' in it has long gone, and your mind is detached from reality anyway (as I think you've said before, you create your own reality anyway, according to your own perceptions).
So a blase 'it's purely choice' and 'he had 150m in the bank' is a cop-out to save the hard work of understanding/discussing/fill-in-the-blank the extremely complex workings of the mind. When let's face it, no-one is even close to understanding a fraction of how their own mind operates, let alone claim that some shitty soundbite can explain the way someone else's mind works.
michael.kickass
02-03-2014 06:13 AM
It's just too fucking sad to see such a talented man pass away this way. RIP PSH.
BaliPimp
02-03-2014 06:25 AM
PSH was a great talent. Maybe one of the best actors I have ever seen. 46 years old- fuck
TheSquealer
02-03-2014 06:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by stickyfingerz
(Post 19967588)
Sorry she didn't do meth actually, or any hard drugs at all, but thanks. Those that have to bring up personal details during a drug reform debate are just utter douche bags. lol Thank you for reminding everyone just how pathetic you are. :thumbsup
I'm a douchebag because you are such an out of control idiot that you were on this very forum fighting with a middle aged, self proclaimed "Fat fucking nobody" that stole your teenage junkie girlfriend?... and you brought it all to the forum and had a massive meltdown? I'm pretty sure it was meth as I remember the issue about you buying her new teeth and seemed to think that made you entitled to her love and affection. That was perhaps the most amusing meltdown of all time, on this forum.
Personal details? You did it right here in public, dipshit.
Paul
02-03-2014 06:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dyna mo
(Post 19967587)
I'm not against it per se. If there was conclusive research that proved it undeniably, I would certainly embrace that. As it stands, there are 2 big problems with it- 1, it's a label and labeling people doesn't help matters. 2, it's an easy excuse that addicts can cling to in order to justify their personal decisions to keep using.
They are doing research in this field, it's no conclusive but at least it's a start
Perhaps it just boils down to willpower/determination, I don't think the subject is as black and white as your POV but I do agree that too many people want an excuse or something to blame for their problems.
RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman, he was an excellent actor
dyna mo
02-03-2014 07:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jel
(Post 19967789)
brushing it aside so carte blanche as just being a choice is what keeps many addicts from seeking help waaaaaaaaay earlier - this mass-thinking that it's purely a matter of choice/willpower.
Once you have someone IN recovery, then yeah, like you did with your sponsees, you can lay out the choice thing, because without the substance being in their system 24/7, the head clears, and that ability of choice returns over a period of time (however long that might be for each individual).
I can only speak about alcohol, but who the fuck thinks, at age 15 "I better not touch this stuff, there's a 10% chance I'll become an alcoholic in later life, even though my perception of an alcoholic is a homeless bum" - well, pretty much no-one, and why the fuck would they lol. By the time the addiction is full blown, any 'choice' in it has long gone, and your mind is detached from reality anyway (as I think you've said before, you create your own reality anyway, according to your own perceptions).
So a blase 'it's purely choice' and 'he had 150m in the bank' is a cop-out to save the hard work of understanding/discussing/fill-in-the-blank the extremely complex workings of the mind. When let's face it, no-one is even close to understanding a fraction of how their own mind operates, let alone claim that some shitty soundbite can explain the way someone else's mind works.
I've seen too many addicts voluntarily get themselves into recovery and/or rehab to agree with you. Their minds were distorted on wtfever dope or alcohol yet they decided to seek help. And also, I've seen plenty of addicts choose to go back out there after they've cleaned out.
SomeCreep
02-03-2014 07:18 AM
When will human beings learn, drugs are bad? They will kill your ass.
Mickey_
02-03-2014 07:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mineistaken
(Post 19967474)
So you are saying there would be the same amount of people doing heroine if it was legal compared to when it is illegal? :1orglaugh
You use broken logic by saying that "people die when it is illegal" not understanding that this number would be far more greater if it was legal.
It's like saying - murderers kill people when it is illegal so no point of not making it legal. As if the number of murders would not increase :1orglaugh
My point is - if it was legal we would have way more deaths.
Portugal's case proved otherwise.
Quote:
Ten years ago, Portugal decriminalized all drugs. One decade after this unprecedented experiment, drug abuse is down by half.
The number of addicts considered “problematic” — those who repeatedly use “hard” drugs and intravenous users — had fallen by half since the early 1990s, when the figure was estimated at around 100,000 people, Goulao said.
Perhaps it just boils down to willpower/determination, I don't think the subject is as black and white as your POV but I do agree that too many people want an excuse or something to blame for their problems.
RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman, he was an excellent actor
Thanks for posting that, it certainly appears they could be on to something.
Also, when I state psh had a choice and he chose heroin, That's not the same as saying he needed more willpower. Choice does not = willpower in all situations.
PR_Glen
02-03-2014 07:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JockoHomo
(Post 19967031)
[QUOTETheSquealer;19967019]Funny how the "legalize drugs" crowd avoids these threads[/QUOT
As we both know, addiction is a complicated and complex issue. Could have just as easily have been death from alcohol poisoning (legal drug). NO difference.
Point is a talented guy was lost be that from a car crash or a drug overdose.
Now go fuck yourself. :thumbsup
actually its quite a gigantic difference and here's your example. How many casual drinkers do you know? now how many casual heroin users? Even if you know a few they don't ever stay that way believe me...
candyflip
02-03-2014 08:18 AM
He's from my hometown, this came close to dominating yesterday's news coverage.
It was the the lead story on the late night, non Super Bowl station's newscast.
Jel
02-03-2014 08:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dyna mo
(Post 19967896)
I've seen too many addicts voluntarily get themselves into recovery and/or rehab to agree with you. Their minds were distorted on wtfever dope or alcohol yet they decided to seek help. And also, I've seen plenty of addicts choose to go back out there after they've cleaned out.
yeah agreed mate, but I'm saying you can't just blanket statement. I do it all the fucking time though so I'm a fine one to talk lol :1orglaugh
It's about that rock bottom imo, and the 'gift of desperation'. From my personal experience, and what I've heard, you always cling onto being able to control it, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Only when you are in that state of true desperation, on the edge of the precipice so to speak, comes that 'choice' to seek help - again with that word 'choice' not being quite the true sense of it being complete free will.
Again, given that each of us is unique, and no 2 people are exactly alike, my annoyance, for lack of a better way of putting it, comes out.
It's all good though :thumbsup
Jel
02-03-2014 08:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul
(Post 19967834)
..I do agree that too many people want an excuse or something to blame for their problems.
I agree that many do use things as excuses (poor me I drank because of blahblah situation, poor me I took heroin because of my mixed up childhood, etc etc), but there's a distinction between an excuse and a reason.
As someone said already, the thing is to take responsibility, which is a huge move forward imo - this doesn't mean that valid reasons can be just brushed aside as merely excuses.
As you've stated, it isn't black & white - nothing concerning human brains ever is :upsidedow
dyna mo
02-03-2014 09:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jel
(Post 19968026)
yeah agreed mate, but I'm saying you can't just blanket statement. I do it all the fucking time though so I'm a fine one to talk lol :1orglaugh
It's about that rock bottom imo, and the 'gift of desperation'. From my personal experience, and what I've heard, you always cling onto being able to control it, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Only when you are in that state of true desperation, on the edge of the precipice so to speak, comes that 'choice' to seek help - again with that word 'choice' not being quite the true sense of it being complete free will.
Again, given that each of us is unique, and no 2 people are exactly alike, my annoyance, for lack of a better way of putting it, comes out.
It's all good though :thumbsup
I enjoy a good debate that maintains a modicum of respect, so no worries.
And yes, rock-bottom, I agree. Which is probably the biggest factor in why psh died. Hard to see yourself at rock-bottom when you are considered one of the best actors of your generation and receive all the laurels that go with that.
But again, choice is the crucial factor here. FOr me and from what I've experienced,
choice precedes wilpower.
Willpower is derived from personal choice.
Whether it's willpower to inject yourself with hardcore drugs, or willpower to seek help. But the willpower to shoot up, for instance, comes after making the choice to do the drug.
Could you fire intravenous drugs into yourself? I couldn't. And I'm an insulin junkie! I have to inject myself many times each and every day. But insulin injections are sub-cutaneous, not intravenous, big difference.
badpuma
02-03-2014 09:48 AM
hey thats great
BlackCrayon
02-03-2014 09:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robbie
(Post 19967582)
I believe it.
My youngest brother is an addictive personality.
He's an alcoholic, addicted to prescription pills, cigarettes, you name it. If he tries it he will get addicted to it.
It's the reason that 99.99% of the people can get wasted on alcohol, cocaine, pot, etc. on the weekend and then not touch it again until the next time they decide to go out and party.
But a tiny percentage of people get hooked on it. Those are the ones with addictive personalities
Don't think that there aren't people out there who are like that. There are. Every alcoholic in the world. Every person hooked on prescription drugs. Every person who every got addicted to heroin.
They aren't a big percentage of people. But they do get all the publicity and ruin a good party for the rest of us. lol
By the way, congrats to you on kicking your addictions. I played in bands most of my life and saw quite a few of my buddies die from alcoholism (livers went bad). And I had to fire a lot of guys in my band for getting hooked on stupid shit like crack and meth that pretty much rendered them useless on the road.
I've never had that kind of addictive personality about anything. I've never tried heroin...so I can't speak on that. lol
But I drank my first beer when I was 12, smoked my first joint the same year. Did my first line when I was 19. First hit of acid at 20.
Never had a problem with any of them. Can take it or leave it. I still won't have a drink at my own home or anywhere that isn't a party or a bar or some other social activity.
I might drink 3 or 4 times a month. And I can't remember the last time I drank to excess.
If I do any recreational type party favors, it might be once every couple of months or so. And then ONLY on a weekend night when I have a hotel room and decide to burn off some steam.
But some people aren't like that at all.
They can't stop after a few drinks. They have to drink until they pass out.
They can't stop after a couple of lines....they have to do it all and then find more.
They can't just take a pain pill when they are experiencing excruciating pain and then not take any more...they have to do them all and then go "doctor shopping" to get several prescriptions from different doctors.
But you are 100% right in my opinion about it being a personal decision.
I've never understood all these busybodies who think THEY know what's best for YOU.
Fuck them! lol
or maybe they're just fuck ups who make bad decisions.
stickyfingerz
02-03-2014 11:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSquealer
(Post 19967829)
I'm a douchebag because you are such an out of control idiot that you were on this very forum fighting with a middle aged, self proclaimed "Fat fucking nobody" that stole your teenage junkie girlfriend?... and you brought it all to the forum and had a massive meltdown? I'm pretty sure it was meth as I remember the issue about you buying her new teeth and seemed to think that made you entitled to her love and affection. That was perhaps the most amusing meltdown of all time, on this forum.
Personal details? You did it right here in public, dipshit.
And that all fucking pertains to this how? Since A. She wasn't a junky, and B. It fucking has nothing to do with this and shows you for the rotted piece of twat you are.
Btw can you prove she was on meth or a junky? Pretty sure that is a bannable offense. She had bad enamel on her teeth actually and it had nothing to do with drugs in any regard. I didn't fix her teeth either. Would you like to continue talking?
So apparently you actually have no clue at all.
Robbie
02-03-2014 11:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PR_Glen
(Post 19967930)
actually its quite a gigantic difference and here's your example. How many casual drinkers do you know? now how many casual heroin users? Even if you know a few they don't ever stay that way believe me...
That's a good point....some things are more easily addictive to a greater number of people.
There actually ARE casual heroin users out there. Not many, but there are.
Nicotine is another one that is one of the MOST addictive drugs ever. Smoking cigarettes is the hardest addiction for people to quit. And that one leads you to the most horrible death you can have.
Alcohol...probably the second worst. For most people it's no big deal. But a lot of folks have a genetic physiological propensity to become alcoholics. I've seen so many of them in my life.
But in the end...it shouldn't be up to other people to COMMAND another adult person in a "free" society as to what they can and can't do with their lives.
At one point Heroin was 100% legal. It was invented by the Bayer company and sold over the counter at drug stores (no prescription).
I was listening to an interview with Al Lewis (Grandpa Munster from the old Munsters show) back when he was still alive. He was running for Mayor of some town and was a Libertarian.
He talked about how when he was a kid he used to go down to the drugstore for his grandmother and buy heroin for her when he was 8 years old.
His grandma wasn't an addict by the way. Nor where the majority of people who used it.
But doctors started seeing that it was becoming habit forming and the next thing you know...the U.S. Govt. stepped in (in all of it's wisdom) and made it ILLEGAL.
What happened next? The percentage of junkies ROSE, and they created an entire new revenue stream for organized crime. :(
Nydahl
02-03-2014 11:42 AM
as he was getting older his acting skills were better. I liked this guy.
RIP Philip
TheSquealer
02-03-2014 03:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by stickyfingerz
(Post 19968262)
And that all fucking pertains to this how? Since A. She wasn't a junky, and B. It fucking has nothing to do with this and shows you for the rotted piece of twat you are.
Btw can you prove she was on meth or a junky? Pretty sure that is a bannable offense. She had bad enamel on her teeth actually and it had nothing to do with drugs in any regard. I didn't fix her teeth either. Would you like to continue talking?
So apparently you actually have no clue at all.
The most embarrassing thing that could ever happen to a reasonable, well adjusted person would be to have that thread bumped. But you're a sociopath and you're not really capable of understanding when you are being made fun of and when you look stupid to others and you don't understand what it's like to feel embarrassment and shame and you'll never stop lying and trying to manipulate and downplay the facts, if you think you are "winning".
:2 cents:
What a surprise that you don't really post here at all anymore after being laughed out of the business.. but feel the overwhelming need to chime in about drug addiction and drug laws. Hmm..................
or maybe they're just fuck ups who make bad decisions.
Nope...everybody makes "bad decisions".
I've had some of the funnest times in my life making "bad decisions" on the weekend. :1orglaugh
But people with addictive personalities aren't partying and having fun. They are in a spiral and out of control. I've seen it.
You aren't partying and having a good time when you are sitting all alone in a room shooting heroin, or popping Oxycontin like candy, or drinking bottles of liquor.
My idea of "bad decisions" is getting a room at a casino here in Vegas (so I don't have to drive anywhere) and then getting shit faced and acting stupid and fucking. Then waking up the next day with a hangover regretting it and getting back to "real life"
I don't think it works that way for people who are addicted to alcohol, prescription pills, etc.
NETbilling
02-03-2014 04:39 PM
It sucks but I am less sensitive than I used to be for people with drug addictions who off themselves.
He was a good actor but it always urked me a bit that him and others feel they have to use their middle names to be referred to.... what was wrong with just Philip Hoffman?
RIP druggy
CaptainHowdy
02-03-2014 05:23 PM
I do not mourn celebritries ...
kane
02-03-2014 05:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by NETbilling
(Post 19968626)
It sucks but I am less sensitive than I used to be for people with drug addictions who off themselves.
He was a good actor but it always urked me a bit that him and others feel they have to use their middle names to be referred to.... what was wrong with just Philip Hoffman?
RIP druggy
Actually a lot of the time with the middle name thing it is about the SAG union. They can only have one person with a specific name in the union. If there was already a Phillip Hoffman they may have made him use his middle name. Then, legally, any film has to bill him as Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
I don't know if that is the case with him, but I know with some actors it is. It is why Michael J. Fox uses the J.
Jel
02-03-2014 05:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kane
(Post 19968674)
Actually a lot of the time with the middle name thing it is about the SAG union. They can only have one person with a specific name in the union. If there was already a Phillip Hoffman they may have made him use his middle name. Then, legally, any film has to bill him as Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
I don't know if that is the case with him, but I know with some actors it is. It is why Michael J. Fox uses the J.
Intradesting, thanks for that, I will use that michael j fox example to impress someone at some stage in my life, I'm sure :thumbsup
stickyfingerz
02-03-2014 06:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSquealer
(Post 19968580)
The most embarrassing thing that could ever happen to a reasonable, well adjusted person would be to have that thread bumped. But you're a sociopath and you're not really capable of understanding when you are being made fun of and when you look stupid to others and you don't understand what it's like to feel embarrassment and shame and you'll never stop lying and trying to manipulate and downplay the facts, if you think you are "winning".
:2 cents:
What a surprise that you don't really post here at all anymore after being laughed out of the business.. but feel the overwhelming need to chime in about drug addiction and drug laws. Hmm..................
Awesome you apparently have some insight on me. I'm actually a medical cannabis patient for graves disease this year and a big Cannabis advocate. I also am strongly against the drug war and the way it has ruined lives. I've researched and the statistic are obvious and clear.
You think I'm the one looking bad... People like YOU are the reason I stopped posting. The ne'er do wells that think they have to stick their nose into things and bring up things from the past. Grow up.
stickyfingerz
02-03-2014 06:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus Aurelius
(Post 19968584)
Not sure why you have a photo of me on hand... but ok... Thanks.
blackmonsters
02-03-2014 09:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by NETbilling
(Post 19968626)
It sucks but I am less sensitive than I used to be for people with drug addictions who off themselves.
He was a good actor but it always urked me a bit that him and others feel they have to use their middle names to be referred to.... what was wrong with just Philip Hoffman?
RIP druggy
:1orglaugh
Using the middle name has nothing to do with what the actor feels.
It's because of union rules when there is another actor already in the union with your name.
Michael J. Fox had to include the "J." because there was already a union actor named Michael Fox.
Since this thread has already derailed...I thought some of you might get a kick out of this: :helpme
:stoned
ADG
stickyfingerz
02-03-2014 10:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AsianDivaGirlsWebDude
(Post 19968881)
Since this thread has already derailed...I thought some of you might get a kick out of this: :helpme
:stoned
ADG
Honestly without watching that. The finding 50 bags in his room, and used needles all over, etc... sounds...... well...
clickhappy
02-04-2014 12:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dyna mo
(Post 19966900)
I was wondering where he's been. Hadn't seen him in any movies lately.
He just starred in Catching Fire, the biggest movie of 2013
dyna mo
02-04-2014 05:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by clickhappy
(Post 19968972)
He just starred in Catching Fire, the biggest movie of 2013
:1orglaugh
1. catching fire wasn't the biggest movie of 2013
2. I go watch movies for adults, not pre-teens, I wouldn't watch a hunger games movie if it were free.
3. It was a pun
Choopa_Pardo
02-04-2014 08:00 AM
I watched Synedoche - New York again yesterday. If you haven't sen it yet, please do yourself a favor and do so immediately. Charlie Kaufmann and PSH at their very best. Ebert said it was the best film of the decade, and he was right.
LOS ANGELES (AP) ? Philip Seymour Hoffman suffered from a chronic medical condition that required ongoing treatment. An admitted drug addict who first sought professional help more than two decades ago, Hoffman apparently succumbed to his illness with an overdose despite a return to rehab last March.
A father of three with a thriving career, the Oscar winner died Sunday with a needle in his arm and baggies of what appeared to be heroin nearby. New York City medical examiners were conducting an autopsy on Hoffman's body Monday as investigators scrutinize evidence found in his apartment, including at least four dozen plastic packets, some confirmed to have contained heroin.
His death, which came after a long period of sobriety that ended last year, "epitomizes the tragedy of drug addiction in our society," said Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse.
"Here you have an extraordinarily talented actor who had the resources, who had been in treatment, who obviously realized the problem of drugs and had been able to stay clean," she said, adding that Hoffman's case shows how devastating addiction can be.
LOS ANGELES (AP) ? Philip Seymour Hoffman suffered from a chronic medical condition that required ongoing treatment. An admitted drug addict who first sought professional help more than two decades ago, Hoffman apparently succumbed to his illness with an overdose despite a return to rehab last March.
A father of three with a thriving career, the Oscar winner died Sunday with a needle in his arm and baggies of what appeared to be heroin nearby. New York City medical examiners were conducting an autopsy on Hoffman's body Monday as investigators scrutinize evidence found in his apartment, including at least four dozen plastic packets, some confirmed to have contained heroin.
His death, which came after a long period of sobriety that ended last year, "epitomizes the tragedy of drug addiction in our society," said Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse.
"Here you have an extraordinarily talented actor who had the resources, who had been in treatment, who obviously realized the problem of drugs and had been able to stay clean," she said, adding that Hoffman's case shows how devastating addiction can be.
Success has no more bearing on drug addiction than it does on heart failure, doctors say: Both can be fatal without consistent care. And while rehab may be part of treatment, it's no antidote. Amy Winehouse and Cory Monteith had both been to rehab before eventually dying from overdoses.
"Addiction is a chronic, progressive illness. No one can be cured," said Dr. Akikur Reza Mohammad, a psychiatrist and addiction-medicine specialist who works as a professor at USC's Keck School of Medicine and is founding chief of Inspire Malibu Treatment Center. "If someone is suffering from addiction, they cannot relax at any time. The brain neurochemistry changes... so these people are prone to relapse."
The younger a person begins using drugs, the more likely he is to develop an addiction, Volkow said. Hoffman wasn't specific about his poisons when he told CBS' "60 Minutes" in 2006 that he used "anything I could get my hands on" before cleaning up with rehab at age 22.
He said in interviews last year that he sought treatment for heroin addiction after 23 years of sobriety.
Addiction causes chemical changes in the brain that remain long after a person stops using the substance, said Volkow, who described the condition as "a chronic disease with a very long duration." Abstinence or substitute medication is often required to prevent the addict from losing control around his desired substance.
And just as someone who hasn't ridden a bike for 20 years will still know what to do with a bicycle, an addicted brain exposed to its drug ? even after a long break ? will relapse to its old levels.
Studies have replicated this in animals, Volkow said: "Give them a tiny amount and they immediately escalate to same levels of drug taking as before" ? which is why addiction is considered a chronic disease and overdose is common.
Hoffman's "is a story that unfortunately is not infrequent ? to have an individual who takes drugs in (his) 20s and stops for 20 years relapse in (his) 40s and overdose," she said.
It's not clear what motivated the actor's return to drugs and what, if any, ongoing treatment he received after his rehab stint in 2013.
"Addiction does not discriminate, the same way high blood pressure and diabetes do not discriminate," Mohammad said, adding that 100 people die in the U.S. each day from drug overdoses. Those numbers are increasingly fueled by prescription painkillers, which tend to be opiates, like heroin.
Recovery from drug addiction is possible with treatment, lifestyle changes and awareness, doctors say. They may recommend inpatient rehabilitation for up to six months, followed by ongoing therapy and self-help meetings, such as those offered by 12-step programs. While intensity and type of treatment vary according to individual needs, Volkow said continuous treatment over five years has yielded the best results in studies so far.
"Continuity of care improves outcomes for individuals who are addicted to drugs," she said, adding that it can be a "graded approach" that changes with time. "But you need continued awareness of the possibility of relapse. No matter how long you've been clean, if you take the drug, you're at high, high risk of relapse."
With potentially dangerous drugs, we need to focus on treatment and rehabilitation for users, and not punishment. :2 cents:
While I strongly support the legalization of non-toxic cannabis, I believe that dangerous narcotics should still be restricted, and illegal distribution criminal network enterprises should rightly be shut down by the government, with the criminals punished, since the people at the top of such organizations are rarely addicts themselves, and they are generally societal predators that are frequently involved in other illegal activities.
The last time I thought about taking heroin was yesterday. I had received "an inconvenient truth" from a beautiful woman. It wasn't about climate change ? I'm not that ecologically switched on ? she told me she was pregnant and it wasn't mine.
I had to take immediate action. I put Morrissey on in my car as an external conduit for the surging melancholy, and as I wound my way through the neurotic Hollywood hills, the narrow lanes and tight bends were a material echo of the synaptic tangle where my thoughts stalled and jammed.
Morrissey, as ever, conducted a symphony, within and without and the tidal misery burgeoned. I am becoming possessed. The part of me that experienced the negative data, the self, is becoming overwhelmed, I can no longer see where I end and the pain begins. So now I have a choice.
I cannot accurately convey to you the efficiency of heroin in neutralising pain. It transforms a tight, white fist into a gentle, brown wave. From my first inhalation 15 years ago, it fumigated my private hell and lay me down in its hazy pastures and a bathroom floor in Hackney embraced me like a womb.
This shadow is darkly cast on the retina of my soul and whenever I am dislodged from comfort my focus falls there.
It is 10 years since I used drugs or drank alcohol and my life has improved immeasurably. I have a job, a house, a cat, good friendships and generally a bright outlook.
The price of this is constant vigilance because the disease of addiction is not rational. Recently for the purposes of a documentary on this subject I reviewed some footage of myself smoking heroin that my friend had shot as part of a typically exhibitionist attempt of mine to get clean.
I sit wasted and slumped with an unacceptable haircut against a wall in another Hackney flat (Hackney is starting to seem like part of the problem) inhaling fizzy, black snakes of smack off a scrap of crumpled foil.
When I saw the tape a month or so ago, what is surprising is that my reaction is not one of gratitude for the positive changes I've experienced but envy at witnessing an earlier version of myself unencumbered by the burden of abstinence. I sat in a suite at the Savoy hotel, in privilege, resenting the woeful ratbag I once was, who, for all his problems, had drugs. That is obviously irrational.
The mentality and behaviour of drug addicts and alcoholics is wholly irrational until you understand that they are completely powerless over their addiction and unless they have structured help they have no hope.
This is the reason I have started a fund within Comic Relief, Give It Up. I want to raise awareness of, and money for, abstinence-based recovery. It was Kevin Cahill's idea, he is the bloke who runs Comic Relief. He called me when he read an article I wrote after Amy Winehouse died.
Her death had a powerful impact on me I suppose because it was such an obvious shock, like watching someone for hours through a telescope, seeing them advance towards you, fist extended with the intention of punching you in the face. Even though I saw it coming, it still hurt when it eventually hit me.
What was so painful about Amy's death is that I know that there is something I could have done. I could have passed on to her the solution that was freely given to me. Don't pick up a drink or drug, one day at a time. It sounds so simple. It actually is simple but it isn't easy: it requires incredible support and fastidious structuring. Not to mention that the whole infrastructure of abstinence based recovery is shrouded in necessary secrecy.
There are support fellowships that are easy to find and open to anyone who needs them but they eschew promotion of any kind in order to preserve the purity of their purpose, which is for people with alcoholism and addiction to help one another stay clean and sober.
Without these fellowships I would take drugs. Because, even now, the condition persists. Drugs and alcohol are not my problem, reality is my problem, drugs and alcohol are my solution.
If this seems odd to you it is because you are not an alcoholic or a drug addict. You are likely one of the 90% of people who can drink and use drugs safely. I have friends who can smoke weed, swill gin, even do crack and then merrily get on with their lives. For me, this is not an option.
I will relinquish all else to ride that buzz to oblivion. Even if it began as a timid glass of chardonnay on a ponce's yacht, it would end with me necking the bottle, swimming to shore and sprinting to Bethnal Green in search of a crack house. I look to drugs and booze to fill up a hole in me; unchecked, the call of the wild is too strong.
Spurred by Amy's death, I've tried to salvage unwilling victims from the mayhem of the internal storm and I am always, always, just pulled inside myself. I have a friend so beautiful, so haunted by talent that you can barely look away from her, whose smile is such a treasure that I have often squandered my sanity for a moment in its glow.
Her story is so galling that no one would condemn her for her dependency on illegal anesthesia, but now, even though her life is trying to turn around despite her, even though she has genuine opportunities for a new start, the gutter will not release its prey.
A friend of mine's brother cannot stop drinking. He gets a few months of sobriety and his inner beauty, with the obstacles of his horrible drunken behaviour pushed aside by the presence of a programme, begins to radiate.
His family bask relieved, in the joy of their returned loved one, his life gathers momentum but then he somehow forgets the price of this freedom, returns to his old way of thinking, picks up a drink and Mr Hyde is back in the saddle.
Once more his brother's face is gaunt and hopeless. His family blame themselves and wonder what they could have done differently, racking their minds for a perfect sentiment; wrapped up in the perfect sentence, a magic bullet to sear right through the toxic fortress that has incarcerated the person they love and restore them to sanity.
The fact is, though, that they can't, the sufferer must, of course, be a willing participant in their own recovery. They must not pick up a drink or drug, one day at a time. Just don't pick up, that's all.
It is difficult to feel sympathy for these people. It is difficult to regard some bawdy drunk and see them as sick and powerless. It is difficult to suffer the selfishness of a drug addict who will lie to you and steal from you and forgive them and offer them help. Can there be any other disease that renders its victims so unappealing?
Peter Hitchens is a vocal adversary of mine on this matter. He sees this condition as a matter of choice and the culprits as criminals who should go to prison. I know how he feels. I bet I have to deal with a lot more drug addicts than he does, let's face it. I share my brain with one, and I can tell you firsthand, they are total fucking wankers.
Where I differ from Peter is in my belief that if you regard alcoholics and drug addicts not as bad people but as sick people then we can help them to get better. By we, I mean other people who have the same problem but have found a way to live drug-and-alcohol-free lives.
Guided by principles and traditions a programme has been founded that has worked miracles in millions of lives. Not just the alcoholics and addicts themselves but their families, their friends and of course society as a whole.
What we want to do with Give It Up is popularise a compassionate perception of drunks and addicts, and provide funding for places at treatment centres where they can get clean using these principles. Then, once they are drug-and-alcohol-free, to make sure they retain contact with the support that is available to keep them clean.
I know that as you read this you either identify with it yourself or are reminded of someone who you love who cannot exercise control over substances. I want you to know that the help that was available to me, the help upon which my recovery still depends is available.
I wound down the hill in an alien land, Morrissey chanted lonely mantras, the pain quickly accumulated incalculably, and I began to weave the familiar tapestry that tells an old, old story. I think of places I could score. Off Santa Monica there's a homeless man who I know uses gear. I could find him, buy him a bag if he takes me to score.
I leave him on the corner, a couple of rocks, a couple of $20 bags pressed into my sweaty palm. I get home, I pull out the foil, neatly torn. I break the bottom off a Martell miniature. I have cigarettes, using makes me need fags. I make a pipe for the rocks with the bottle. I lay a strip of foil on the counter to chase the brown. I pause to reflect and regret that I don't know how to fix, only smoke, feeling inferior even in the manner of my using.
I see the foil scorch. I hear the crackle from which crack gets it's name. I feel the plastic fog hit the back of my yawning throat. Eyes up. Back relaxing, the bottle drops and the greedy bliss eats my pain. There is no girl, there is no tomorrow, there is nothing but the bilious kiss of the greedy bliss.
Even as I spin this beautifully dreaded web, I am reaching for my phone. I call someone: not a doctor or a sage, not a mystic or a physician, just a bloke like me, another alcoholic, who I know knows how I feel. The phone rings and I half hope he'll just let it ring out. It's 4am in London.
He's asleep, he can't hear the phone, he won't pick up. I indicate left, heading to Santa Monica. The ringing stops, then the dry mouthed nocturnal mumble: "Hello. You all right mate?"
He picks up.
And for another day, thank God, I don't have to.
:stoned
ADG
Robbie
02-04-2014 08:34 PM
ADG, I swear you are becoming the Paul Markham of copy/paste lately.
Paul at least wrote walls of text. But dude...you are copy/pasting walls of text that nobody has time to read! lol
