Top Ten Ways to be the "Funny Guy" in Your Office - GoFuckYourself.com

asuna · 02-28-2003, 08:21 PM

Top Ten Ways to be the "Funny Guy" in Your Office

10. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don't, and then punch them in the face.

9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks, tell everyone how you're just kidding and tell them that they are all a bunch of queers.

8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard. Then during the meeting, put one finger in the air and make like you are hocking up a big loogie. Then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say, "Beat that."

7. Inform a male co-worker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker." Then piss in his coffee and tell him that he needs a good "ass fucking."

6. Always walk around with a big smile on your face and keep one hand down your pants.

5. Answer every question asked to you with "Fuck if I know!" Then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race.

4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them really sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hand.

3. Shit on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them it's the fake plastic kind. When they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.

2. Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over and yell, "It won't stop! God help me! It won't stop!" Then, when it stops, look down and say, "Oh."

1. Ask to borrow someone's pen. Bring it to the bathroom and stick it in your butt. Return it and tell the person to smell it. When they tell you it smells bad, be like, "It should! I had it in my butt!"

SetTheWorldonFire · 02-28-2003, 08:24 PM

Tala · 02-28-2003, 08:26 PM

escorpio · 02-28-2003, 08:37 PM

LMAO til it fucking hurt!

Saintgames · 02-28-2003, 08:41 PM

Man, I haven't laughed like that in a while! Thanks man

asuna · 02-28-2003, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Saintgames

Man, I haven't laughed like that in a while! Thanks man

how much are u gonna sned me tru paypal?

Spunky · 02-28-2003, 08:47 PM

Bring

and blow morons like you away

echo465 · 02-28-2003, 08:48 PM

Hmmm.. i've done.... 7 of those.

Tex Willer · 02-28-2003, 08:52 PM

here's more funny shit on a similar subject

How to Poop at Work
(brought to you by the almost funny crew)
Thursday, December 13, 2001

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back
in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much
as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001
Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions
and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE

Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden
wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you
receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release
an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you
are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not
hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)

Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun
pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just
occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH

Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone
of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an
undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has
to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing
the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME

Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you
have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is
best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the
use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER

Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You
will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office
for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)

Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency
pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor
the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE
HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS

Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR

Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way
you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH

Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when
used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE

Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON

Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET

Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes
in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED

Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on
the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the
crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom
is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY

Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in
and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,
leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going
into the bathroom.

Rich · 02-28-2003, 09:54 PM

MetaMan · 02-28-2003, 09:57 PM

bahaha,
thats wat i do to my friends,
call em racial slurs when they r white
haha!

all that shit is funny, " tell him he needs a good ass fucking "

OMG

robfantasy · 02-28-2003, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MetaMan
bahaha,
thats wat i do to my friends,
call em racial slurs when they r white
haha!

all that shit is funny, " tell him he needs a good ass fucking "

OMG

you must be white

MetaMan · 02-28-2003, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by robfantasy

you must be white

and ur mom must b indian the way a slapped that bitches face with my elephant cock she looks like a radish.

red back slut

Sterling · 02-28-2003, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by asuna
Top Ten Ways to be the "Funny Guy" in Your Office

10. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don't, and then punch them in the face.

This is also a good way to get a date.

Zoe_Zoebaboe · 03-01-2003, 01:25 AM

haha! Thats just awesome

cheekycherry · 03-01-2003, 06:13 AM

nice one ass una...

strobi · 03-01-2003, 06:45 AM

Slick · 03-01-2003, 06:55 AM

ROFL, that's hilarious

02-28-2003, 08:21 PM	#1
asuna Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Location: Montreal Posts: 8,743	Top Ten Ways to be the "Funny Guy" in Your Office Top Ten Ways to be the "Funny Guy" in Your Office 10. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don't, and then punch them in the face. 9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks, tell everyone how you're just kidding and tell them that they are all a bunch of queers. 8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard. Then during the meeting, put one finger in the air and make like you are hocking up a big loogie. Then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say, "Beat that." 7. Inform a male co-worker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker." Then piss in his coffee and tell him that he needs a good "ass fucking." 6. Always walk around with a big smile on your face and keep one hand down your pants. 5. Answer every question asked to you with "Fuck if I know!" Then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race. 4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them really sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hand. 3. Shit on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them it's the fake plastic kind. When they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point. 2. Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over and yell, "It won't stop! God help me! It won't stop!" Then, when it stops, look down and say, "Oh." 1. Ask to borrow someone's pen. Bring it to the bathroom and stick it in your butt. Return it and tell the person to smell it. When they tell you it smells bad, be like, "It should! I had it in my butt!" __________________

02-28-2003, 08:24 PM	#2
SetTheWorldonFire Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: California Posts: 7,444	__________________ www.STWOFDesign.com hit me up on icq 154206276 or Skype: JaimeGizzle

02-28-2003, 08:26 PM	#3
Tala Fucked if I know Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Do you have a flag? Posts: 23,368	__________________ ICQ: 11120676 \| Google: mindcrime \| Skype: suitemindcrime\|E-Mail: mindcrime AT gmail.com\|PR girl with great writing skills for hire!!!! Contact me to work for YOU!\|TECHIEMEDIA? 24/7 support from some of the best techs in the biz. Tell Jim that I sent you.

02-28-2003, 08:37 PM	#4
escorpio I love to racism, bro! Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: USA! USA! USA! Posts: 23,220	LMAO til it fucking hurt! __________________ Unvaxxed, still alive.

02-28-2003, 08:41 PM	#5
Saintgames Registered User Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 43	Man, I haven't laughed like that in a while! Thanks man __________________ I be Kozmo *I"ll show you the stars*

02-28-2003, 08:47 PM	#7
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,949	Bring and blow morons like you away __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

02-28-2003, 08:48 PM	#8
echo465 Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Indiana Posts: 265	Hmmm.. i've done.... 7 of those. __________________ Currently Promoting: Adult Movie Club

02-28-2003, 08:52 PM	#9
Tex Willer Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 1,105	here's more funny shit on a similar subject How to Poop at Work (brought to you by the almost funny crew) Thursday, December 13, 2001 We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE) Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELET Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. UNCLE TED Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. FLY BY Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

02-28-2003, 09:54 PM	#10
Rich So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 11,486

02-28-2003, 09:57 PM	#11
MetaMan I AM WEB 2.0 Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 28,682	bahaha, thats wat i do to my friends, call em racial slurs when they r white haha! all that shit is funny, " tell him he needs a good ass fucking " OMG

03-01-2003, 01:25 AM	#15
Zoe_Zoebaboe Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sin City Posts: 4,463	haha! Thats just awesome __________________ http://www.myspace.com/jennabea ICQ: 166862923 Email: [email protected]

03-01-2003, 06:13 AM	#16
cheekycherry Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: N/A Posts: 1,703	nice one ass una...

03-01-2003, 06:45 AM	#17
strobi Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Belgium Posts: 7,383

03-01-2003, 06:55 AM	#18
Slick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Houghton, MI Posts: 7,338	ROFL, that's hilarious