Too funny not to pass on!!

[mavruda]

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Like and Share

[blackmonsters]

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[L-Pink]

Thanks, I needed a laugh!

[Dankasaur]

The last one was a doozy.

[Best-In-BC]

Those were exceptional and extremely funny. Thanks for the good mornin.

[azpoindexter]

i laughed a little , thanks

[Jman]

LMAO thanks for the share, definitely saving this gem ;)

[GetSCORECash]

That was great... thanks!

[Chosen]

LMAO

[RebelR]

My neighbor is a lawyer and after speaking with him several times, I wondered how it was possible. Now I see that he is not alone and have an explanation.

Also.. I laughed at those

[pornguy]

Old and made up but still funny.

Can we ban the ass hat for posting the videos like that. Fuck thats annoying.

[dyna mo]

hilarious!

[ilnjscb]

Between doctors and lawyers, it is clear who wins the intelligence game.

[freecartoonporn]

i lol d, thanks
hows your site doing ?

[mavruda]

Originally Posted by freecartoonporn

i lol d, thanks
hows your site doing ?

Thanks to all the guys for your appreciation !

About my site - I was keeping this for Friday, but since you're asking...

1. I got pretty neat review from Rabbits.... and left behind several biggies /no offence to the owners of these awesome websites/ - but still I do thise on my own /with no army of webmasters/ and got BANG ! I hope none of them will be offended - I work with some of them so you might see some of my s#it on their sites soon.... so I was joking. But not with the score on Rabbits. http://www.rabbitsreviews.com/c36/Cartoons.html


2. Just finished my first "big" flash animation with asian MILF blowing random guy - with clickable option, no sound though. It took me like whole eternity to finish it but it came out good. One of the members said he "played" it four times already. I guess "playing" - has a lot of meanings... :-)
By "Big" I mean - it's not flash loop, it's one click button and go to next scene and action. Only blowjobs and a lot of cumshots....

3. I'm gonna go with epoch as secondary processor in few weeks, when I get back home - they have paypal and the guys around were very helpful to post several threads about that epoch thing. Damian J and several other guys wrote that this might give a HUGE boost of sells to any website!

4. Dr.Dark was kind to advice me about the payment options and the settings for the affiliates - and now I suppose the program offers better conditions for the affiliates....
Thanks Doc !


Site's 1 year old - I've launched it on april 2012 - but it's stilll new to the people.

I'll be honest - I don't have too many members or at least not that many so I can stop working and hire some other artists to help me out.

5. Thanks to all the guys who signed with my affiliate program - I got my first affiliate sell yesterday - a female from Italy - or at least the name sound like female.... :-)
P.S. I did not knew the women are visiting porn sites.... honestly.

6. I'm looking for banner exchange with cartoon sites - I have toplist script on my links page. However I'm having a very, very bad experience with a certain affiliate program company who deals with cartoon sites. I won't mention names for now. All I can say is that's not good for business at all.

Basically - that's what goes on with my site ! :-)

I'm not artist, but I want to share a drawing with you guys.

It's called "Khaleesbians" and it's a request made by one of the members on site.



Now if you excuse me I have a shemale with a big penis to draw...

Cheers,
M.

[Doug of Montreal]

Originally Posted by mavruda

1. I got pretty neat review from Rabbits.... and left behind several biggies /no offence to the owners of these awesome websites/ - but still I do thise on my own /with no army of webmasters/ and got BANG ! I hope none of them will be offended - I work with some of them so you might see some of my s#it on their sites soon.... so I was joking. But not with the score on Rabbits. http://www.rabbitsreviews.com/c36/Cartoons.html

Congrats on that, BTW ;)