Why Professional Athletes Can't Have Regular Jobs

[AdultPornMasta]

WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS:


1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say:
"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
"He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.."
(Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height.."
And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January?)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'
He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:
"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
Phillips responded: "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye."

[L-Pink]

Lol, really liked 3&15. Thanks for the chuckles dude!

.

[AdultPornMasta]

Originally Posted by L-Pink

Lol, really liked 3&15. Thanks for the chuckles dude!

.

You are most welcome! A buddy who is pushing 80 sent me this as it is one of those things that he and his crowd forward around but it is indeed funnier than Hell!

[tanlines]

I used to work with a Washington Redskins player to help him with his PR... this man hired someone Redskins payroll fired for abusing his position and mishandling monies, ended up losing money on the sale of his house, and now his mother and father have to work catering jobs and one-off projects they find on Craigslist to make ends meet and pay his child support. All because he refuses to get a real job because he's a "former pro athlete" and it would be embarrassing.

[sandman!]

[EddyTheDog]

Number 3 might actually be a clever answer.....

[JFK]

#4

#9 could be sad but true

[Supz]

this thread was a waste of time.

[Archibald_Tuttle]

Who the fuck is Norman Einstein?

[seeandsee]

i loled but now sure are they serious

[newB]

Originally Posted by seeandsee

i loled but now sure are they serious

I saw #14 when it aired on the Bob Costas show around 1992.

I was a bartender in college and remember 3 former athletes coming in and sitting at the bar and reminiscing about the lengths the University would go to to ensure that they passed their courses, such as getting advanced copies of exams, or copies of the tests already filled out that they only had to sign their names to. Now, whenever a collegiate athletes GPA is mentioned, I can't help but think 'bullshit.'

Actually, not sure if this has gained national attention or just local, but there has been a recent investigation into academic malfeasance at UNC. Apparently, a lot of college athletes were taking classes (and receiving high grades for) classes/independent studies that did not exist or they cannot identify instructors for.

[RebelR]

#12 he is either really witty, or just stumbled upon that answer by accident. Either way it was pretty funny

[Spunky]

Those were hilarious but they can pay for a investment adviser to do the thinking for them

[AdultPornMasta]

Originally Posted by Archibald_Tuttle

Who the fuck is Norman Einstein?

I think he lives over on the next block but not sure how they got his name!

[Scott McD]

15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
Phillips responded: "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye."

Hahaha!



And seriously his name was Bum ??

[D Ghost]

Lmao this is great