At least mine was ORIGINAL.
It also has the added benefit of being accurate. :banana

Meh, cuz I like telling jokes...


A man is speeding down the highway when suddenly he sees red and blue flashing behind him. He pulls over his car and waits for the officer to approach his window. The driver sees the officer walking up so rolls down his window and asks "What seems t be the problem officer?"

"Well don't you think you were going a little fast? I clocked you at 20 miles over the speed limit" the officer replies.

So the man sighs and replies to him "I understand, I was just in such a rush, I absolutely have to get to work and I'm already late."

"And what do you do that so important you need to drive 20 over the limit to get there?" the officer asks.

"Well I'm a rectum stretcher..." the man replies back.

A little confused the officer scratches his chin and says "And just what in the hell does a rectum stretcher do?"

"It's simple really" says the man in the car, "First I insert one finger in the anus, and loosen things up a bit. Then I get another finger in, and work it a little more. So I keep adding fingers until I can fit a whole fist in, and I just keep working that ass until I got it stretched six feet wide and six feet tall!"

The cop huffs and says "And what exactly does anyone do with a six foot tall asshole?"

The man grins and says to him "You give him a radar gun and stick him behind a billboard!"

My favorite French jokes...

For sale 1 French rifle. Never fired, dropped once.

Why are there trees planted along the Champs-Elysées?
Germans don't like to march in the sun.

Lol.... Some nice ones!!

One more for the Cannucks...

How is making love in a canoe and American beer the same?
They are both fucking close to water.

a grass hopper walks into a bar and sits on the bar stool
the bar tender says "we have a drink named after you?"
the grass hopper says "you have a drink named Herbie?"

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?































































"wheres my tractor?"

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

thats a poem, not a joke retard

What do you call an African American flying a plane?



































a PILOT you racist cunt!

What do you call a woman in leather with a whip?



































MAAM! (just made that one up!)

Damn the superman one and the dildo ones are fucken classic. I'm writing these down.

Two nuns in a bath, the first says "where's the soap", The second says "yes it does, does'nt it!"

Hahaha! Actually, that's a fucking LIMERICK you dumb fuck, as in "There once was a girl from nantucket...", and limericks are JOKES. Google it you illiterate pigshithead.

I don't get it! :(

Q: Why did Jesus die on the cross?



A: He forgot his safe word.

I'm going to tell the whale one with the blowjob but no seamen,
but I'm going to make them sperm whales!
:1orglaugh

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother :winkwink:

I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio…

Why do dogs lick their weiners ??

Because they can't make a fist ;)

A hamburger walks into a bar, hops up on a stool and says, "Barkeep -- give me a beer!" The bartender replies, "I'm sorry...we don't serve food here."

Duck walks into a bar, walks up to the barman and says : 'Got any milk?', Barman says politely 'no this is a bar we serve alcohol'.

The duck sits there patiently for a few minutes and then turns the the barman to say 'Got any milk?', again the barman says 'No this is a bar'.

Duck sits back looking about the bar again and says to the barman 'got any milk?' barman getting slightly agitated says ' no i don't have any fucking milk'.

The duck sits back and after a few minutes turns to the barman and says 'got any milk?' - the barman now enraged says 'if you ask me for milk one more time, i'll nail your bill to the bar'.

The duck looks up at the barman and says 'got any nails?' barman says 'no' duck says 'got any milk?'

ha ha nice,

A bear walks into a bar and the bar tender says we don't serve your kind here. So the Bear goes.... give me a bear! The bar tender says get out of here or I will shoot you, we don't serve your kind. The Bear says.... give me a fucken bear now bitch! The bar tender whips out a gun and shoots the bear in the hand, so the bear bails out quick while bleeding everywhere....

6 months later.. the bear walks into the bar slamming the doors then walks up to the tender and says.... I came.. for the man.. who shot my paw..

What's needed to make a woman laugh
 

Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time".

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

lololool nice

Women are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

Har, har, har.

Really? How so?

Confucius say, man who go to bed with itchy asshole wake up with stinky finger.

Wouldn't it have the bear's son comes in 6 months later?

That's damn funny!

BAM! Very funny and tasteless too. I love it.

I was in Brisbane waiting for ages for a bus.

Then what do you know, two float past at once.

Hahah love it!

I should have posted it in here!
http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=1006083

Best punchline: "Your funds are safe..."

A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath. They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.

As soon as they realised what had happened they went straight to her husband and told him: This may not work, but, maybe some oral sex could bring your wife out of the coma.
The husband remained skeptical, but he finally let himself be convinced.

The nurses took him to his wife’s room and explained that they would leave them alone so they could have more privacy, but would be checking her vitals in the other room for any reaction. After a few minutes the monitor’s alarm goes off and she flatlines...no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing!

The nurses run into the room desperate to help the woman and see what went wrong, asking the husband, what happened?!?

The husband says "She choked."