Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

Collapse
X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • GTS Mark
    Vrume Mark
    • Jan 2001
    • 20912

    #1

    Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

    Haha some good ones in here! ;-)


    The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

    ha



    I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

    A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii.ha After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

    I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.ha I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."ha Her response ... click.

    A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

    I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

    Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas.ha When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

    A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.ha I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

    A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

    I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

    A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

    A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

    A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
  • Jakez
    Confirmed User
    • Jan 2004
    • 5656

    #2
    Originally posted by GTS Mark
    A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.ha I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
    [email protected] - jakezdumb - 573689400

    Killuminati

    Comment

    • martinsc
      Too lazy to set a custom title
      • Jun 2005
      • 27047

      #3
      A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
      Make Money

      Comment

      • John.
        Confirmed User
        • Jul 2007
        • 2264

        #4
        funny stuff
        Sig too old.

        Comment

        • fuzebox
          making it rain
          • Oct 2003
          • 22351

          #5
          I know a few people who don't understand the difference between an immigration visa and the credit card company.

          Comment

          • SallyRand
            So Fucking Banned
            • Jan 2008
            • 3487

            #6
            Originally posted by GTS Mark
            Haha some good ones in here! ;-)


            The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

            ha



            I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

            A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii.ha After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

            I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.ha I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."ha Her response ... click.

            A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

            I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

            Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas.ha When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

            A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.ha I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

            A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

            I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

            A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

            A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

            A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
            Fuck you.

            If Americans didn't travel to your esentially frozen pain in the ass land, your economy would flounder.

            I'm all about a travel ban to Maple Leaf Land.

            Hey, you don't like the USA?

            Do without us!

            Talk about STUPID!:

            http://www.bukisa.com/articles/27138...-canadian-laws



            Canucks and AMERICAN motorcycle:



            Typical Canuck:



            Fat Canucks:



            Really fat Canucks:



            Parking at Canuck motorcycle club meeting showing their AMERICAN motorcycles.......



            But I digress.......................................
            Last edited by SallyRand; 12-19-2010, 10:46 PM.

            Comment

            • Chezter
              Confirmed User
              • Apr 2008
              • 565

              #7
              Hehe good jokes, I don't think it's about americans, stupid people are everywhere. I also don't believe in concept of time zones, I think it's magic.

              Comment

              • DWB
                Registered User
                • Jul 2003
                • 31779

                #8
                I am an American but I admit, most Americans are not worldly people and know very little about the real world outside of their own border, other than what they are told on the news or from high school, which is usually not accurate.

                It is equally as mind boggling to hear Americans say that the United States is the greatest country on earth, yet they have never been anywhere else. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but how could you make a statement like that if you don't know first hand?

                Having said all that and taking a little stab at my homeland, there is but ONE flag on the moon and it belongs to the mother fuckin' United States of America.

                So where we experience epic failures in many areas, we fucking kick total ass in others. And if you don't believe that, our military will "liberate" you and bomb your city into the stone ages until you do. Then we'll pay to rebuild it.

                There are three things you don't mess with on this earth... the Zohan, the Jesus, and the USA. In that order.

                Comment

                • frank7799
                  Confirmed User
                  • Jul 2003
                  • 1974

                  #9
                  Originally posted by SallyRand
                  Inspired by the link above, I searched for stupid laws. Please tell me that this is not true:

                  "As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C."


                  "Sodomy laws have been repealed?or are ignored?in most states, but not Georgia, where a man was sentenced to five years in prison for engaging in oral sex. With his wife. With her consent. In their home."

                  http://www.dribbleglass.com/subpages...ge/sexlaws.htm

                  http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/alabama

                  Comment

                  • Angry Jew Cat - Banned for Life
                    (felis madjewicus)
                    • Jul 2006
                    • 20368

                    #10
                    Originally posted by SallyRand
                    If Americans didn't travel to your esentially frozen pain in the ass land, your economy would flounder.
                    I'm sorry, remind me again whose economy is floundering?

                    I'm all about a ban on American tourists in Canada too, where do I signup to support your cause?

                    Some people here know this, but I'm currently working in the hospitality industry as an auditor for a hotel and resort chain. I deal with all the numbers, and keep track of the reservations and shit. The location i work in in is 10km from the American border. I'd say roughly 20% of our guests are American. Something I've been meaning to get around to in my spare time at work is an in depth study of how Americans are the most irritating and ignorant tourists on earth, as supported by statistical data pulled from my audit reports. Every time there is a complaint, I can track it. I can tell where the person came from and what the complaint was, pull up all the details of the incident and yadda yadda yadda.

                    All the long-term employees at all positions in the staff seem to stand by the "Americans are the worst hands down" opinion. So I did a brief rundown on my own audits a while back. Of the complaints that had come in in the past 2 months, almost 75% of them came form Americans, who make up 20% or less of the total stays. Of the complaints that escalated to complete public meltdowns requiring a written incident report, 100% Americans. I have access to data going back about 7 years, I'd really like to start digging for a more in depth analysis, but ya, generally Americans are complete douchebags. Can also be noted that vehicular incidents reported on resort property also largely covered by our minority American customer base.

                    Don't worry, you're closely followed up by German tourists. They also make up a large percentage of ignorant complaints and pointless meltdowns, and they make up a much smaller percentage of the customer base than the Americans do.
                    Last edited by Angry Jew Cat - Banned for Life; 12-19-2010, 11:52 PM.

                    Comment

                    • JFK
                      FUBAR the ORIGINATOR
                      • Jan 2002
                      • 67373

                      #11
                      Originally posted by SallyRand
                      Fuck you.

                      If Americans didn't travel to your esentially frozen pain in the ass land, your economy would flounder.

                      I'm all about a travel ban to Maple Leaf Land.

                      Hey, you don't like the USA?

                      Do without us!

                      Talk about STUPID!:

                      Canucks and AMERICAN motorcycle:



                      Parking at Canuck motorcycle club meeting showing their AMERICAN motorcycles.......



                      But I digress.......................................
                      thanks for digressing....BTW these are all JAPANESE Bikes.....

                      Talk about STUPID!:[/QUOTE]

                      Someone please insert a FAIL pic in here

                      FUBAR Webmasters - The FUBAR Times - FUBAR Webmasters Mobile - FUBARTV.XXX
                      For promo opps contact jfk at fubarwebmasters dot com

                      Comment

                      • Chosen
                        • Aug 2001
                        • 63151

                        #12
                        LoL

                        Comment

                        • Paul&John
                          Confirmed User
                          • Aug 2005
                          • 8643

                          #13
                          A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
                          lololololololol
                          Use coupon 'pauljohn' for a $1 discount at already super cheap NameSilo!
                          Anal Webcams | Kinky Trans Cams Live | Hotwife XXX Tube | Get your Proxies here

                          Comment

                          • mizmiz
                            So Fucking Banned
                            • May 2002
                            • 1168

                            #14
                            funniest shit ever

                            Comment

                            • just a punk
                              So fuckin' bored
                              • Jun 2003
                              • 32393

                              #15
                              Yep the American knowledge of Geography is a world wide legend actually
                              Obey the Cowgod

                              Comment

                              Working...