RedShoe

(Don't worry... there are no real spoilers.. I think)

An evening to remember (a short story by: RedShoe)

For the first time in a long time.. I'm not as far behind in my work as I usually am. So I decided to take a 149 minute break and go see the Da Vinci code with my wife. She and I haven't been out in ages. We saw the latest possible showing to avoid a big crowd. Our movie was supposed to start at 10:25 in the pm.

At around 10:30 they started in with the trailers which I usually enjoy. Not this time. They showed "Click" (a really fucking stupid looking movie with Adam Sandler) 3 FUCKING times..... 3 (THREE) FUCKING TIMES!!!. And each time it seemed to lower our IQ just by watching it.

Just before the movie starts, a family sat down right in front of us. A mom, a dad an 11 year old boy and a 5 year old girl (kids ages are estimated)

That should have been my first clue to the evening I was about to experience.

So eventually the movie starts. I didn't read the book but from the parts in the beginning I could see, it looks like I might enjoy it.

A few minutes into it we see this naked albino religious nut whipping himself (gotta love religion). I saw this part in the trailer so It's not a spoiler, but I didn't know he'd be naked and I didn't know they would show that scene with as much graphic detail as they did. And I don't think the parents saw a trailer for this at all since the dad was now shielding his 5 year old girls eyes from a naked white man screaming and whipping himself.

About 15 minutes into it, Amelie and Tom Hanks are in her car driving away from the police. He's asking her about if her grandfather knew or was in a secret society... The theatre blacks out. No movie. It just went blank and then the lights came on. FUCK! It must have broke. Ok. They'll fix it. They're on top of it there in the new burbank theatre.

5 minutes pass and people are getting pissed. Some 85lb. girl with a squeaky tiny voice comes in and says something but only the first few rows can hear her. By their reaction I assume it wasn't good news.

Suddenly the film comes on and now Tom Hanks and Amelie are driving backwards with the police right on them, and they barely squeeze between two very well placed garbage trucks. WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED??!?!?

How did they go from leaving the police to being chased by them?!?!

ok, so 5 minutes passes again, and we're getting into it again. We were trying to piece together what happened and now we see an albino guy asking Christ for strength. Suddenly black again. But this time the screen goes blank for 10 seconds and a coca cola commercial comes on. The lights come up and now we're watching commercials. WHAT??!?!?

Suddenly an overlay of the movie comes on the lights go off in the theatre and the commercial is still playing on top of the movie and all we hear is the commercial. Then the commercial goes off and the screen goes black again. Then it comes back on and the movie is playing and people are SCREAMING... "REWIND!!!! REWIND!!!" it goes black again this time for just a few seconds and then we see Doc Oc from spiderman with a bloody face and the albino is over him and now a green soccer player is playing over the whole thing like two images on top of each other.

FUCK THIS!!

People started walking out.. so did we. By the time we got to the lobby some filipino chicks were laying into the 17 year old manager. They were cussing him pretty good. So we stood next to them because everyone knows filipinos can be fiesty.

And here's the best part. The 17 year old zit faced manager was saying it wasn't his fault, then the TICKET TAKER... THE LOWEST MAN IN THE CHAIN OF COMMAND, pops off and says... (and I quote) "The girl running the projector was just being retarded"

That was him stepping up to explain the situation. Those words ran thru his head and seemed like a perfectly logical explanation. "She was being retarded" As if 80 pissed off people in the lobby were suddenly supposed to say "OOOOHHH!!! Shit, my bad. She was being retarded.. Hear that everyone, she was just being retarded, let's go back in and watch the rest of the movie. No.. No it's ok, she was just being retarded"

I don't think it had the effect he was hoping for as 80 people stood in stunned silence for 5 seconds to process what this moron just said. 5 seconds later the silence is broken with 3 filipino girls cussing the 17 year old until finally his boss the 18 year old theatre manager come sout to give everyone free passes to the movies again.

So the first 15 minutes (give or take a few missing minutes) seem pretty good. I can't wait to see it or some other movie again sometime before the passes expire.

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