doo da do da
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damn didn't winComment
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I want to know God's thoughts... the rest are details.
~ Albert EinsteinComment
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Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' real well, does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays'?Comment
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100% of the shots you don't take don't go in.
~ Wayne GretzkyComment
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'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where --' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
'--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
~ Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in WonderlandComment
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An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
~ M.K. GandhiComment
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Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.
~ Dr. Napoleon HillComment
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Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.
~ Wolfgang Amadeus MozartComment
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You can have everything in life that you want if you just give enough other people what they want.
~ Zig ZiglarComment
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Great quotes.Comment
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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
~ Mark TwainComment
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Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.
~ Samuel JohnsonComment
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I made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short.
~ Blaise PascalComment
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Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
~ Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of ChristmasComment
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Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day.
~ Helen Steiner RiceComment
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LOl... now I find outOriginally posted by WEG Cory
Cool stuff, now I can win more. I love contests on GFY Thanks G3x
Comment
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how was everyones weekend?Comment
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interesting contest :-)Comment
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so we just gotto be the last one on the page to win?Comment
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I love all the hot babes in the industry because they get my juices goingComment
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A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, "I must have you right now! I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!"
The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."
An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked.
The lady said "That jerk had $500 in quarters!"Comment
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A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..............."Comment
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Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh... she got fired too."Comment
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haha nice one mistressComment
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"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
Charlie Brown.Comment
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A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the
newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes
across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on
it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint
condition. He inquires about it with the owner.
"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me
how you keep it in such good shape.
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure
that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub
Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In
fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of
Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the
buyer a tube of Vaseline.
The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He
takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic
(being a Harley fan).
That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his
girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going
to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When
the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her
boyfriend's arm.
"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my
parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk.
In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do
the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the
living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family
room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs,
dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take
advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his
girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over
and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still
they keep quiet.
So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and
they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says
a word.
"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his
girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the
dinner table. Again, total silence.
Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend
realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take
care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his
pocket.
Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all
right! I'll do the damn dishes."Comment
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"The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev."
Robin Williams.Comment
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A man wearing a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".
"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.
"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"
"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it" he says.
She prys off the cap and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands.
The girl drinks another one.
Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.......
"Not that damn difficult, is it?" he says.Comment
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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"Comment
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Michael Bolton: You haven't even been showing up for work, and you got to keep your job.
Peter Gibbons: Actually I'm being promoted.Comment
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!Comment
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Well, all right. It was a "Jump to Conclusions" mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor, and it would have different conclusions written on it that you could jump toComment
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Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.Comment
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Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.Comment
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"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
Jim Carey.Comment
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Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.Comment
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"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."
Alfred Hitchcock.Comment
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Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.Comment
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"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
Peter O'Toole.Comment
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Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.Comment
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Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.Comment
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"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
Woody Allen.Comment
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Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: WaveComment
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Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.Comment
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Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?Comment
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Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.Comment
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Number twoComment
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and this one goes to coolone I bet.Living in Virtual Reality
Contact: Email (preferred): furiousmale .at. gmail - Skype: live:shanedwsComment
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Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.Comment
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