The Speeding Ticket

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a
woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other
side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and
with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love(?), asked, "What's
your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she
responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what
does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one
finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then
with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both
hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet
wide"

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket: $95.00
Court Costs: $45.00
Look on Cop's Face: PRICELESS