Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10.00 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, he must be mad at me.
Same work, more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress - $2000.00. Tuxedo rental - $75 bucks.
You don't mooch off others desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up in the same outfit, you still might become lifelong friends.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, "So notice anything different?"
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have a strap problem in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in you clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be done for 25 relatives, on Dec. 24th, in 45 minutes.
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Foreplay is optional.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
One mood, all the time.
this one and more can be found on my el' cheapo joke site. link in sig.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10.00 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, he must be mad at me.
Same work, more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress - $2000.00. Tuxedo rental - $75 bucks.
You don't mooch off others desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up in the same outfit, you still might become lifelong friends.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, "So notice anything different?"
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have a strap problem in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in you clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be done for 25 relatives, on Dec. 24th, in 45 minutes.
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Foreplay is optional.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
One mood, all the time.
this one and more can be found on my el' cheapo joke site. link in sig.
Comment