Do you ever find yourself being mean for no reason? Guys you know how we will say something to our lady and then realize that it was a bit harsh later and try to make up for it? Well I find myself doing that sometimes and it hurts her feelings. I'm not like a complete dick but sometimes i am a bit of an ass. I dont cuss or yell at her but on occasion i'll say something mean. Maybe it's because i have no patience for dumb things. Maybe it's because i expect a certain level on intellegence from people so it frustrates me when i get anything less? Maybe it's because I really dont trust people (women especially because they are sneaky) until i am given a reason to trust so sometimes i am thinking 'what is she really up to' which will then put me in a bad mood. I'm working on the whole trust issue but as far as just mean comments I am working on being nice as well. I would like to be able to chill and just be nice to my woman but when i start being to nice she starts to take my kindness for weakness. Then when i am a some what of a dick she wonders what's wrong and becomes more humble. Not sure what to do but i dont want to be a scrooge. Any advice?
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not to be mean or start anything but how old are you? this will help gauge whether you are just immature and have some growing up to do or whether you have some serious insecurity issues.
Odie
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I agree with Odie.
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28 years of ageComment
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It's ok, i wont take offense. I just need some advice. If i am insecure then so be it. but how do i get over it?Comment
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That actually sounds just like me.Originally posted by Skillz Unlimited
Scary. No really scary infact...
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at 28 years old, you should know how to communicate with your woman. If you dont trust her, then its you that has the issue. Trust and communication are the Key to any good relationship.
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Just beat the shit out of her like I do.
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Between the ages of 28 and 32, you begin to develop into who you are, rather than what was expected from you by influential people.
Lack of trust is a stepping stone, so look back to see where it started.
Relationships with women..well, look at your parents and see how they treated each other....
As to women seeing you as weak if you're kind, you may well be dating the wrong women..just as women sometimes date the 'bad' boys rather than those who treat them well, until they get hurt one time too many.
Trust issues make for poor relationships.....and it's too bad, because just as not all men are bad, not all women are sneaky...Raven
~RETIRED~
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Are you a webmaster?I'm just a newbie.Comment
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Yea we communicate fine. It's more me with the insecurities. It has a lot to do with being cheated on in high school which i can understand because at that age women dont know what they really want in a man. It also comes from dealing with a married woman in my younger days. I have a lot of women friends and before i decided to have a steady girlfriend i use to hear the stories about how they sneak around on guys and what not. So those things are where my trust issues stem from. Not to mention as we've been together and she's telling me more about herself, i am learning that she cheated on like 2 out of 3 serious relationships. She says she didn't really like them she was just with them for whatever reason and that she actually likes me so it's different. She was also honest about something else in the beggining of our relationship which makes me believe her when she tells me these things. She is always totally honest with me so i really dont think she would do me dirty, but i have to make myself believe that deep down inside and not just in my brain.Originally posted by Thomas1007at 28 years old, you should know how to communicate with your woman. If you dont trust her, then its you that has the issue. Trust and communication are the Key to any good relationship.
I just need to work on trust within myselfComment
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So true. She has sneaky history in which she says she's evolved from. The fact that she shared that with me says a lot.Originally posted by Raven
Really the way i see it, she's going to do what she's going to do whether i think about it or not so i am just going to live and let whatever is going to happen happen. If she ends up being true then thats hot! if not then it is what it is and i have to deal. Worrying is not going to prevent anything.Comment
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I know what you mean... and I wouldn't feel too bad. I have an AWESOME gf... easy going, never complains, ect ect. Just like anything else when you are around someone for long periods of time little things make you tick. Women know how to get under our skin... they just do. Every once in awhile she will do somin to get under my skin, I say something stupid and it takes me 3 days to make up for it, lol. It just happens. As long as you aren't getting physical I wouldn't worry about it.Comment
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Cool Sparks. Thanks for that.Originally posted by SparksComment
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I agree with you, Odie.Originally posted by Odienot to be mean or start anything but how old are you? this will help gauge whether you are just immature and have some growing up to do or whether you have some serious insecurity issues.
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learn to comunicate.. be gentle and niceNeed adult hosting?
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I don't speak for all women here, but from my perspective, we don't want our men all gentle and nice all the time.....not that I advocate the extreme....gentle and nice all the time sounds boring to me....and not doable....no one is that well mannered or perfect.
I get the feeling, though, there is something else going on here......Raven
~RETIRED~
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I think you need to just accept the simple fact that the only thing you ever have real control over is your *own* reactions to things and people.
Take it from there and you're fine.
They say familiarity breeds contempt, and thats true enough. How often as a kid did your parents tell you to dress up and be polite at dinner when company came over? We tend to treat people we're close too more harshly because we know that they accept us. We're usually far nicer to people we've just met because impression hasnt taken place yet.
So go out on a "first date" again with her everyday or however you need to think of it maybe. Beats me, I live alone, lol.43-922-863 Shut up and play your guitar.
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It sounds like you guys are already locked into a game playing pattern whereby you need to be mean in order for her to respect you. That is a bad pattern, and she WILL end up cheating on you. Sorry to sound so adamant, but I'm 43 years old and I've been through a lot with women, and I've watched a lot of friends go through stuff.
My advice to guys is to never get into a long term relationship with a woman under 27. From the ages of 22 to 28 women go through a HUGE amount of changes and the girl that you love at 23 will be a totally different person by 28. I have watched so many friends go through this.
Just date around, don't put all your eggs in one basket until you are in your 30s, then start looking at girls in their late twenties.... THAT's when you can really look at relationships.
Find one where you can be yourself ALL THE TIME. If you find that you have to be mean to get respect, or buy her love with gifts, or act any certain way in order to keep her with you, then that is the wrong women. The ONLY way that a relationship will be truely long lasting is that you can always be yourself, and she can always be herself, all the time, 24/7, and you still accept, respect and love each other. Any other situation is simply based on sexual chemistry alone, or insecurity, or something else, and is ultimately doomed.
Here endeth the lesson.Michael Sperber / Acella Financial LLC/ Online Payment Processing
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get out the wife beater lolComment
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Excellent post Michael and I agree 100%.Originally posted by sperbonzo
Also, if she is being open and honest with you, you cannot begrudge her that. And if you continue to treat her poorly from time to time she may in fact go out and do the very thing that you are afraid of. Perhaps the other guys she cheated on were horrible to her...And if you think that she is of lesser intelligence than yourself, you are doing yourself and her a disservice because if it irritates you now, it will irritate you later on. Maybe you need to get over your insecurities before you get involved in a series relationship or you are always going to be where you are right now imo. Good luck!Last edited by sherie; 03-15-2006, 06:43 AM.AIM sherierocks
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I maintain that serious relationships between men and women should be against the law until she is 28 or older and he is 32 or older.Originally posted by sperbonzo
Raven
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This is a great thread guys..sometimes this board still amazes me. There's some great advice above Best of luck to you Skillz..I think that the fact that you're realising these things means you're on the right track.
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This is so close to what I do from time to time that I could have made this post. It's a struggle, man. Like you mentioned, I have no patience for "dumb things" and I expect a certain level of intelligence as well as simply thinking of things through.Originally posted by Skillz Unlimited
This part of what you wrote is true over here too: "I would like to be able to chill and just be nice to my woman but when i start being to nice she starts to take my kindness for weakness. Then when i am a some what of a dick she wonders what's wrong and becomes more humble."
Ain't that the truth? I don't understand that part either. If I kiss ass and tell her how beautiful she is (which I truly believe) and how lucky I am to have her (which I also truly believe) she seems to start seeing weakness, just like you say. But if I have an attitude like I really don't care she is trying to please me. Women!
We've been together for 5 years. But I have learned so much over the last 6 months it would be impossible to share it all here, especially since I have to leave to take my dogs to the vet in just a few minutes. Hopefully I'll remember this post later. There's a bit of a balance I've found that works well.Comment
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See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shitComment
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I have to totally agree with Raven, she is very wise and though I may be a little older than you, it seems that you really need to talk to your G/F, I have the most amazing relationship with my husband, but then again we trust each other completely, we talk about everything so there is no reason to be sneaky, we tell each other as soon as we are not well so we don't take the attitude the wrong way....but if she is as great as you say she is then I would do what you can to make it work, nothing sucks more than to realize what you have when it is gone and what sucks even more is starting all over again!!!!Originally posted by RavenComment
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nothing better than good conversation... believe me! don't give her chance to play the act just as she wanted, you have to confront here at some moments, and to take the control - you are man, ain't you! but at the first show some respect to her!
i couldn't believe that i could hear so useful comments on this board! a way to go, guys and gals!
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BINGO!Originally posted by RavenI maintain that serious relationships between men and women should be against the law until she is 28 or older and he is 32 or older.
Michael Sperber / Acella Financial LLC/ Online Payment Processing
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Originally posted by dodger21Just beat the shit out of her like I do.
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fuck i'm the same way, but my wife loves to start arguements and not stop, so eventually i lose it and say something i shouldn't.no sigComment
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That's the relationship dynamic that apparently works for you two....or perhaps this is how you two were brought up and this is what you know...in any case, it works, since you're still married....Originally posted by WigglesRaven
~RETIRED~
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one thing we all have to live with is that we just have to stop looking for our own attributes in other people. we can't expect others to act the way we do or we'll only end up frustrated.
work on your patience meter, dude. no offense, but its one gauge of maturity.Comment
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Actually we become who we are much earlier in life. 2-4 years old. Sure we have some ability to modify behavior, but the foundation is formed during those years.Originally posted by Raven
example:
Women who sleep with a lot of men, tend to be missing a father figure in their lives, and are also open to a lot of abuse.
She picks and chooses how she interacts with you based on the qualities she liked in her father. So skillz, you want to understand you companion... get to know her father.Comment
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just put yourself in her shoes. would you like being treated that way?Comment
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She was also honest about something else in the beggining of our relationship which makes me believe her when she tells me these things.
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Can you share the first, "true confession" she shared with you?
I'm suspicious of her excuse that she didn't really like the other guys she cheated on. Anybody can make a mistake, but a clear pattern of "cheating" is different.Comment
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Get to know both, for they provided or didn't ...the basics that she has learned....and I agree...by the time we are sixish...we already possess preconceived notions and perceptions.....Originally posted by solkimaras
Show me a prick and I guarantee he's been castrated by mommy and daddy was an abuser..emotionally, if not physically....Raven
~RETIRED~
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You guys are awesome. Sorry it took so long for me to respond as i was offline for a few days. All of this is good advice and I take it all into consideration.
Some of my anger (for lack of a better word) stems from my parents passing away. My mother passed away back in 2004 and my father in 1998'. I had been angry about that for a long time as i spent half mty life waiting for them to die. They had HIV so genuine happiness is still something i am working on. I'm trying to move on with my life. She makes me very happy but i still have my trust issues as i explained before. Once i get past those i will be all good. I've been expirimenting with her over the last few days by not being mean but being almost poker faced. I guess being a REAL man and not joking around so much. She seems to respond better to that. I think it gives her more of a sense of security. Dont get me wrong she loves my funny side but i think overall women need a strong, no non sense type man. So i am learning to balance out the joking around with being serious. It seems to be working.Comment
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Unfortunately i cant as that is private information. Let's just say that a guy who had not gone through what i went through with my parents would have turned her away. They both died of AIDS.Originally posted by Hey You . . . I Know You!
No she does not have AIDS.Comment
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Originally posted by PR_Tom
So true dude.Comment
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