Why Ask Why So Funny You'll Puke

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  • xxxmaster
    Confirmed User
    • Feb 2004
    • 1155

    #1

    Why Ask Why So Funny You'll Puke

    Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

    Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

    Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

    Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

    Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

    Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

    Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

    How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

    If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

    If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

    If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

    If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

    If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

    You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

    Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

    Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

    Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

    You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

    Why do noses run and feet smell?

    Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

    How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

    Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
  • MandyBlake
    The one and only!
    • Nov 2002
    • 17761

    #2
    those are funny.
    i do that last one...now i feel like a jerk. lol
    Mandy's Playhouse
    Her First Fat Girl
    If you're interested in promoting my sites, ICQ me! 178411921

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    • xxxmaster
      Confirmed User
      • Feb 2004
      • 1155

      #3
      Originally posted by MandyBlake
      those are funny.
      i do that last one...now i feel like a jerk. lol
      i do it too, i thought that as well when i read it...

      Comment

      • Mefo
        Confirmed User
        • Jun 2002
        • 6169

        #4
        haha there are some real cool ones in there

        Comment

        • mardigras
          Bon temps!
          • Feb 2003
          • 14194

          #5
          Sounds like a Steven Wright routine
          .

          Comment

          • sean416
            Confirmed User
            • Feb 2004
            • 3633

            #6
            Originally posted by xxxmaster
            Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

            Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

            You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
            those ones are funny, the rest are lame or I've heard em a million times.

            ServerProvider.com

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            • Triple 6
              Confirmed User
              • Feb 2002
              • 5394

              #7
              Originally posted by mardigras
              Sounds like a Steven Wright routine
              funniest guy evar..


              'the man on the couch'


              :P
              SIG TOO SMALL! Maximum 1200x600 button and no more than 30 text lines of ALL SIZES and COLORS. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 6240x4800 instead of a 1024x800.

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              • BitterPen
                Confirmed User
                • Sep 2004
                • 1926

                #8
                Ok... Is it just me or is this one a little too fucked up to understand??? I don't get it.

                If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

                What is this getting at?? What does it mean?? Anyone get it??

                Comment

                • KRosh
                  So Fucking Outlawed
                  • Nov 2001
                  • 5114

                  #9
                  some of steven wright's work


                  All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

                  The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

                  I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

                  OK, so what's the speed of dark?

                  How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

                  If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked

                  something.

                  Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

                  When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

                  Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

                  Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

                  Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

                  Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

                  Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

                  I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

                  Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

                  If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

                  Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

                  Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

                  When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

                  Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

                  Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

                  What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

                  I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

                  I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

                  Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

                  If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

                  If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

                  A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

                  Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

                  For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

                  The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

                  The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

                  The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

                  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is

                  research.

                  You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

                  The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

                  Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

                  The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (this is

                  one of my long time favorites)

                  A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

                  If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried

                  before.

                  Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

                  A fool and his money are soon partying.

                  Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

                  If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

                  Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

                  I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

                  Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

                  Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

                  Half the people you know are below average.

                  99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

                  42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

                  A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
                  ICQ 115433750

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                  • xxxmaster
                    Confirmed User
                    • Feb 2004
                    • 1155

                    #10
                    well what would happen? ever wonder?

                    Comment

                    • sean416
                      Confirmed User
                      • Feb 2004
                      • 3633

                      #11
                      Originally posted by BitterPen
                      Ok... Is it just me or is this one a little too fucked up to understand??? I don't get it.




                      What is this getting at?? What does it mean?? Anyone get it??
                      I dont get that either

                      ServerProvider.com

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                      • The Bootyologist
                        So Fucking Banned
                        • Jun 2004
                        • 2912

                        #12
                        everyone turns their volume down in traffic and when lost. you cant think with all that noise ;)

                        Comment

                        • nick3131
                          Confirmed User
                          • Dec 2004
                          • 1193

                          #13
                          A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

                          HAHA i like that one, cause i have no consience
                          Signed nick3131

                          Comment

                          • DEA - banned for life
                            V.I.P.
                            • Nov 2004
                            • 7886

                            #14
                            Originally posted by sean416
                            those ones are funny, the rest are lame or I've heard em a million times.
                            you heard them before therefore there not worth posting?...idiot

                            Comment

                            • sickkittens
                              I am a meat popsicle.
                              • Jul 2002
                              • 25100

                              #15
                              I guESS I'm not as easy amused as others.

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                              • fusionx
                                Confirmed User
                                • Nov 2003
                                • 4618

                                #16
                                Originally posted by BitterPen
                                Ok... Is it just me or is this one a little too fucked up to understand??? I don't get it.




                                What is this getting at?? What does it mean?? Anyone get it??
                                Conventional wisdom states that cats always land on their feet, and buttered bread always falls buttered-side down.

                                I can picture the quantum forces of the universe ripping the cat in half as it falls. But that's just me

                                Comment

                                • sickkittens
                                  I am a meat popsicle.
                                  • Jul 2002
                                  • 25100

                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by fusionx
                                  Conventional wisdom states that cats always land on their feet, and buttered bread always falls buttered-side down.

                                  I can picture the quantum forces of the universe ripping the cat in half as it falls. But that's just me
                                  Na, the cat woul djust keep flipping back and forth like a fish.

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                                  • Paco, of Large Cash.
                                    Confirmed User
                                    • Jun 2002
                                    • 2267

                                    #18

                                    Lol ... I almost pee'd in my pantaloons.

                                    Comment

                                    • Tuga
                                      Confirmed User
                                      • Nov 2002
                                      • 7678

                                      #19
                                      Originally posted by MandyBlake
                                      those are funny.
                                      i do that last one...now i feel like a jerk. lol
                                      You shouldnt, there's nothing wrong with it.

                                      Go Fuck Yourself!
                                      ICQ 101411627

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                                      • xxxmaster
                                        Confirmed User
                                        • Feb 2004
                                        • 1155

                                        #20
                                        Originally posted by fusionx
                                        Conventional wisdom states that cats always land on their feet, and buttered bread always falls buttered-side down.
                                        i never herd the bread thing before now i get it....... dah..... lol

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