You know your a redneck when.......

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

haha.
that's like the people i live around. lol

You know your a redneck when.......

Your family tree has no limbs

You know your a redneck when.......
you go to a family reunion to meet women.

You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

You find ammunition in your Christmas stocking.

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

http://www.fortogden.com/foredneck.html

You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.

hehe, some good ones.. keep em coming!

heh heh

Your gun rack has a gun rack on it

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack
Not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back.
The Skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care,
With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds,
While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake.
Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake.

When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard,
I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.
I ran to the door, like I's on a mission,
But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission.

The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin'.
Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'.

When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see
But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep.
With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick
I said, "Shoot Fire! That must be St. Nick!

More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came
And he belched and he hollered, and he called 'em by name.

Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS!
On FESTUS! On ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS!

From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins
Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away youins!

I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack.
Pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack.
He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog,
I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hog.

He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front,
And his jeans were all bloody from that morning's hunt.
A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm,
And he wore black boots that he'd picked up in 'Nam.

His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey.
From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky.
A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops.
The veins on his face looked ready to pop.

The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip
He wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips.
He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly.
I ain't seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly.

He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three
And I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me.
A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head,
From his hair came a rat that ran under the bed.

He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic,
Then filled the kid's stockings with Hooked on Phonics.
His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very nice
But he had lots of them and yuh can't beat the price.

He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells.
Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies,
And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size.

When the presents were gone and he had no more,
He staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door.

He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order
"Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!"
And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL... YEE HAWWWW!

You know you're a redneck when the biggest city you've been to is Wal-Mart.

Do you know why flies have wings?

So they can beat the hicks to the watermelon.

hahahaha

If you've ever had Christmas dinner on a ping-pong table.

If you've ever been too drunk to fish.

If your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

If you own a home that is mobile and four cars that aren't.

If you successfully execute the "pull my finger" trick at Christmas dinner.

If you mother keeps a spitcup on the ironing board.

If someone has ever said, "Hey, move this transmission so I can take a bath!"

If your richest relative buys a new house, and you have to go help take the wheels off of it.

If your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

If the curtains in your truck are nicer than the ones in your house.

If the wife and the dog fight over who gets to ride shotgun.

If you give all your kids the same name so you remember it.

If the most common phrase heard in your house is, "Someone go jiggle the handle!"

If anyone has ever accused you of "lying through your tooth."

If your daddy walked you to school because you were in the same grade.

If your grandmother can tell jokes that offend truckers.

If you think it's strange to buy milk.

If your idea of a mall is a Super Wal Mart or Sam's Club.

You know you're a redneck when you don't know the difference between "your" and "you're."