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Ok I'm not proud of this story, but I figure this is GFY, so....
Freshmen year in college just after finals. Drinking schnapps, cause that's all we had, and I lost count after 15 shots. I vaguely remember running around like a madman before I blacked out. The rest is from friends, the police report, and the hospital bill.
It happened that I passed out in the bathroom where the RA found me, called the police, who called an ambulance to haul me away on a stretcher. At the hospital I (was told later) had a .33 blood alcohol content. They were going to pump my stomach, but I started vomiting all over myself. They started cleaning me up, then I pissed and shit myself. When I first came to, some older pissed-off nurses each had one of my legs cleaning my nether region. I begged for water but they only grudgingly offered ginger ale. I thankfully fell again into slumber.
When I awoke the next afternoon I had to call a friend to come escort me out, and of course bring a change of clothes. What a pal, he brought me a white shirt, gray pants, and gold shoes. As a going away gift, the nurse gave me a plastic baggie with my urine/shit stained clothes, which I promptly dropped in the dumpster. It was a mile back to my dorm, and it was the LONGEST damned mile ever recorded in my life history. It didn't help my friend was laughing his ass off the whole way as I shuffled along at 0.8 MPH.
I slept and ate bread and water the next 24 hours, until my dad came to pick me up and I wasn't packed yet. He had a good laugh at my expense. A couple weeks later I get the hospital 'donation request' for services rendered for $140.
That's my story. Now I can laugh at it.
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