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Trust me it hurts more than you can imagine. One year and three months later and I still have nightmares about watching him die pretty much every night. It is odd when you get used to nightmares. There are daymares too. I tell people my brain is like a monitor that was left on too long and has an image burnt into it. When I am busy and doing stuff the image might not be as visible but the second my brain is allowed to rest and all the foreground images are gone I am left with this series of images that just stay there.
However, for some reason life makes you go on. If nothing more than because they would want you to go on living.
My only advice - if you possibly can prepay your funeral and at the very least make sure each of you know exactly what you want to happen to you after you die. It makes it a lot easier when people are buzzing around you to be able to flatly say 'no. This is what he/she wanted'.
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