Pussycash $100 for every ImLIve signup starting this Sunday + $7500 in this thread.

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

Why does a man's penis have a hole in it?
So he can get oxygen to his brain.

50 Ways To Say ?I Love You?

1. ?If my heart were a baked potato, I?d serve it to you with extra butter and sour cream.?

2. ?Your terrible personality isn?t so terrible after a few drinks and even when I sober up, it?s not as terrible as everyone says.?

3. ?I?d shave my entire body with a dull, rusty razor blade and take a vinegar bath for you.?

4. ?I am rubber, you are glue, any feelings you have for me bounce off and stick to you. Ironically, I feel the same way.?

5. ?The other day I saw this little girl day drop her whole ice cream cone on the ground and start bawling. After I stopped laughing, I thought, ?I?m the same way when you don?t call when you say you will.?

6. ?I saw you in the morning, on the toilet, and I didn?t run screaming. So there.?

7. ?Hug me. If you let go -- you lose.?

8. ?Umm? like? you and me? Yeah. You and me.?

9. ?You are to me what an eye patch and parrot is to a pirate.?

10. ?You are the hole in my donut.?

11. ?I am the pork, you are the beans.?

12. ?You make me want to vomit little chocolate hearts.?

13. ?You are my personal parachute.?

14. ?If you were a margarita, I?d drink you by the bucket.?

15. ?I really like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like you.?

16. ?If I had my junior high dance to do all over again, I?d lean against the far wall, stare at you, and hate myself for not asking you if you liked the punch.?

17. ?I don?t love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence immensely.?

18. ?I?ll still want to have sex with you even when you?re old, fat, and ugly.?

19. ?You had me at ?Stop following me?.?

20. ?Your farts smell like vanilla.?

21. ?We?re a two person chain gang.?

22. ??I am valedictorian of the University of You.?

23. ?If you needed a kidney transplant, I?d also throw in a bonus lung.?

24. ?The wet, fatty ball of muscle and sinew that pumps my thick, steaming blood to all of my internal organs starts to beat irregularly when you come into my line of sight.?

25. ?You are to me what Oprah is to mediocre self-help gurus.?

26. ?While you?re in the shower, I collect your skin flakes from the sheets and now I carry them around in this little napkin I keep tied around my neck.?

27. ?You suck! So good.?

28. ?If you were frozen in Carbonite and taken by bounty hunters, I?d gladly disguise myself, infiltrate a fortress of intergalactic gangsters, threaten them with a thermal detonator, and defrost you myself.?

29. ?When I was a kid I was kind of stupid and I thought it would be fun if I stuck a fork in the wall socket and obviously I was thrown across the room. Well, that shock that made my teeth chatter and my hair fall out? That?s like you.?

30. ?We are totally codependent and I don?t want it any other way.?

31. ?This is the ?happily ever after? part of the damn fairy tale, dig??

32. ?If you were a handful of genital crabs, I?d never change my underwear.?

33. ?I?m not saying we shouldn?t see other people. I?m just saying I?ll chase whoever you see out of town with a nail-studded baseball bat.?

34. ?I am your blank check. Don?t bounce me.?

35. ?Shut your piehole! Okay -- now kiss me with that beautiful piehole.?

36. ?If you were in a horrible accident and they put your head in a saline solution-filled fish tank, I?d feed you, change your water, and carry you on my back everyday until they built you a kick-ass robot body.?

37. ?If given the choice between playing roundball like Michael Jordan or raising rugrats with you in a trailer park then I?d be the first to stand in line to buy diapers.?

38. ?You?re such a fucking asshole! And so am I. Let?s forgive each other, get drunk, and screw.?

39. ?If I was smart, I?d follow you around like a puppy and never, ever crap in the corner.?

40. ?Not only would I carry you out of the factory and drive away you away on my sweet chopper? I?d also buy you a beer and a basket of fries.?

41. I wrote you a poem: ?You walk in beauty like the night/ which means you?re the hottest babe in sight/Come home with me so I don?t get in a fight/I agree with what you said: you are always right.?

42. ?I?m a grown up and just face the facts that you?re my security blanket.?

43. ?You don?t know it, but right here, right now, is the point in the musical montage part of the movie. Let?s split a pretzel and go for a walk on the footbridge.?

44. ?Not only would I die for you, I?d bitch slap Satan a good one, too.?

45.?Look: you?re the only one allowed in my bunker. So go get some batteries while I?ll clean my shotgun.?

46. ?I?m a junky for your instant messages.?

47. ?I had the weirdest dream last night: I was waking up just as dawn was breaking, but instead of the sun rising on the horizon, it was your glowing face. You were smiling and glowing and it felt to good. Isn?t that just strange? I have NO idea what that means. Pass the ketchup.?

48. ?You?re my best and only naked friend.?

49. ?I?d smoke five packs of you everyday and welcome each and every eventual tumor.?

50. ?Let?s set aside cool, ironic detachment for just a moment, shall we? I love you. Wow? wasn?t that just like lame movie Reality Bites? You?ve never seen it? It?s awesome? in a totally stupid way.?

Fucking weasels

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed and again the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expenses. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister.

Finally, the minister stood up and shouted "Having children is an Act of God!"

An older man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"

bump bump bump

Ivan IV (the Terrible)
1547 --- 1st Tsar of Russia

Queen Mary I (Bloody Mary)
1553 --- 1st reigning queen of England.

Sofinisba Anguissola
1559 --- 1st woman artist to become gain prominence as a painter

Virginia Dare
1587 --- 1st child born in the American colonies, on August 18th, on what is now Roanoke Island, North Carolina.

Anne Bradstreet
1650 --- 1st published American woman writer. The Tenth Muse Lately Sprung Up in America

Benjamin Franklin
1753 --- appointed 1st Postmaster General in America (10th August 1753).

i'm pacing myself

Ann Franklin
1762 --- 1st woman to hold the title of newspaper editor, "The Newport Mercury" in Newport, RI.

still waiting for Apprentice update on Yahoo ... shh, i wasnt home tonight

zzzz, got to wait until 2am for you west coast people to finish the show ...

bump

zzzzzzz

(this is not a bot btw) ... im watching the Apprentice on Yahoo.

10 Best Athletes of all-time:
(no order)

Pele
Jesse Owens
Carl Lewis
Muhammad Ali
Wayne Gretzky
Babe Ruth
Michael Jordan
Jim Thorpe
Jackie Robinson
Maradona

10 Best Athletes of all-time:
(in no order)

10 Best Athletes of all-time:
(in no order)

wow this thread is moving along nicely..

jim thorpe or ian thorpe is it?

good old ian.. he is a champion!

good old ian.. he is a champion!

mmm looks like im here by myself again

Jesse Owens

who is jesse owens ? ? what sport?

mmmm i wonder.. anyways i out for a bit..

GFY is very slow tonight.. zzzzzz

With over a 1000 posts a day, this will be the bigest thread ever

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