Originally Posted by WEG Cory

10. How many times have you had herpies? Other STDs?

10 plus times according to me. Actually I have never had an STD, but the story goes something like this.

I am terrified of STD?s. I am so terrified that I am irrational. I have always been this way. I wear condoms while watching pornos. If I even feel a slight tinge while peeing or something looks slightly off, I pretty much think I have herpes.

I was 18 years old when I caught my first case of curable herpies. My friend, Scott Vermellion (now a pretty well known soccer player in the US) and I went out one night. We ended up doing what all 18 year old guys in Kansas do, cruising Taco Bells waiting for hot girls to swing through the drive through.

And we hit the jackpot this night, we got two very cute girls and a bag of tacos to go in the beginning of the night.

We drove around most of the night, one of the girls had this convertible Mustang and we had the top down. I was in the backseat with my arm around one of the girls while Scott was showing her friend how to drive stick. It was just like a movie. Whenever we would go fast, the wind would thrash and my girl and I would kiss. Whenever the car would stop at a light, I would hold her hand tighter and smile at her. Whenever the car would go slow, I would try to put my hand up her shirt and hope that she considered that foreplay.

As the night began to wrap, I invited my girl over to my parents house (I lived there until I left for college). She took the invitation with open arms. We went up to my room and I threw on the movie and turned the lights out. I waited 2 minutes, then I started fondling again and soon enough, we were taking clothes off.

There is absolutely nothing more fulfilling then a plan gone right.

The heat got hotter, and she performed oral sex on me. After the beautiful act was complete, she told me she needed to go home. She was a dream come true.

The next morning, I awoke ready to call my high school friends and brag. You see, as a guy in highschool, getting that far with a girl is great because you get to exagerrate 10 percent on top of the actual act. Therefore, I pretty much had sex last night.

But something was wrong, there was a pain in my groin area. It was a sharp well dispersed pain. I had my morning erection, but the pain was too bad for me to touch it.

I became concerned.

I got up and walked to the bathroom around 9am. Walking hurt. I was too frightened to pee, so I jumped in a hot shower. The pain seemed to go away, but it was a false sense of hope; it would return later and with more intensity with my next erection, some time around 9:30am I think.

At 9:40am, the situation got worse as another erection brought pain and wrath to my life.

My god, what had I done? I wanted to take back the past night. I wanted to start over. I didn?t want herpes.

So I called my doctor?s office. The doctor?s assistant girl answered. I told her my symptoms and I told her of my incurable condition. She would not let me talk to the doctor and told me I needed to come in for a swab.

Not sure if all of you know what I mean by a swab, but it made me cry.

She kept consoling me, she told me that herpes does not flare up the next morning and that oral sex would not foster it all that well.

As the conversation continued, she began to grow somewhat frustrated with my neurotic inquisitions. The exchange continued on something like this:

?Do you see red abrasive spots along the base of your penis??

?No.?

?How many girls have you had sexual intercourse with over the last two months??

?About 12.?

?So none??

?Pretty much.?

?What does it look like around your testicles??

?Well, there is some blue looking growths between my testicles, inner thys and the base of my penis, and it all hurts real bad.?

?Sir, is it gum??

?What do you mean??

"Bubble gum sir, is bubble gum stuck down along your genitals??

If you have ever had bubble gum plastered on your genitals, then you know that whenever you walk or get an erection, it pulls out the hair in your inner thys. You also know that it is rather embarrassing when you get called out by the doctor's nurse. You probably also know that using a butter knife and peanut butter to get it out is very tedious.

Oh yes, it is also not herpes.