remember the good ol' days of the Rhinoceros Party of Canada?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhinoceros_Party_of_Canada
Rhinoceros Party platform
Bryan Gold of the Rhinoceros Party described the party platform as two feet high and made of wood. "My platform is the one I'm standing on." A candidate named Ted "not so" Sharp ran in Flora MacDonald's Ontario riding with the campaign slogan "Fauna, not flora", promising to give fauna equal representation. Sharp's platform on the controversial abortion issue was clear: "If elected, I promise to never have an abortion." Party Member (and singer) Michel Rivard once went on TV (during free air time given to political party) and stated: "I have but two things to say to you: Celery and Sidewalk. Thank you, good night."
The Rhinos have also promised to break every promise (a platform plank they claim has been copied and put into execution by the mainstream parties) and have promised, if elected, to immediately demand a recount.
Other platform promises released by the Rhinoceros Party included:
repealing the law of gravity,
reducing the speed of light because it's much too fast,
paving Thunder Bay to make a parking lot for Toronto,
providing higher education by building taller schools,
instituting English, French and illiteracy as Canada's three official languages,
offering to retrain those constituents who want to become illiterate by enrolling them in a state educational institution,
tearing down the Rocky Mountains so that Albertans could see the Pacific sunset, or moving them one metre west as a make-work project,
legalising pot. And pans. And spatulas. And other kitchen utensils,
building sloping roads and bicycle paths across the country so that Canadians could "coast from coast to coast",
making all sidewalks out of rubber to prevent inebriated people from hurting themselves when they fall down
responding to the energy crisis, reducing energy costs for transportation by moving the cities of Montréal 50km west and Toronto 50km east,
abolishing pumping oil out of the ground as that oil is there to keep the earth moving smoothly on its axis and if you withdraw the oil, the whole thing will grind to a halt,
abolishing the environment because it's too hard to keep clean and it takes up so much space,
annexing the United States, which would take its place as the third territory (after the Yukon and North-West Territories) in Canada's backyard, in order to raise the mean temperature of Canada by one degree Celsius,
replacing the Canadian Armed Forces with clones of Vladislav Tretiak,
end crime by abolishing all laws
making bubble gum the national currency, so that it could be inflated or deflated at will,
breeding a mosquito that would only hatch in January so that "the little buggers will freeze to death",
turning Montreal's Saint Catherine Street into the world's longest bowling alley,
adopting the British system of driving on the left; this was to be gradually phased in over five years with large trucks first, then buses, eventually including small cars and bicycles last,
as an energy-saving idea, putting larger wheels on the back of all cars so that they will always be going downhill,
selling the Canadian Senate at an antique auction in California,
putting the national debt on Visa,
declaring war on Belgium because a Belgian cartoon character, Tintin, killed a rhinoceros in one of the cartoons,
offering to call off the proposed Belgium-Canada war if Belgium delivered a case of mussels and a case of Belgian beer to Rhinoceros "Hindquarters" in Montréal (the Belgian Embassy in Ottawa did, in fact, do this),
painting Canada's coastal sea limits so that Canadian fish would know where they were at all times,
counting the Thousand Islands to make sure none were missing,
running a Penny Hoar in Toronto on a safe sex platform,
running more than one candidate per riding as an MP's salary is certainly enough to support more than one person,
exploiting acid rain as an electrical energy source by placing dissimilar-metal electrodes in Canadian swimming pools in order to use them as batteries,
making Canadians stronger by putting steroids in the water,
banning lousy Canadian winters,
moving the Vatican to Saint-Bruno-de-Montarville, Quebec to promote tourism,
putting the West Edmonton Mall on wheels and rolling it to areas of the country suffering from economic depression,
turning the Louis-Hippolyte Lafontaine tunnel in Montreal into a free carwash by poking holes in the ceiling,
annexing Greenland and creating a cartel with other northern nations in order to sell icebergs to the Saudi's, the cartel would be called "Icepec",
digging a canal from coast to coast, by hand, to reduce unemployment; and then, leveling the Rocky Mountains and using the canal to transport the material east to fill in the Great Lakes, in order to expand Canada's landmass.
The Rhino Party also declared that, should they somehow actually win an election, they would immediately dissolve and force a second election.