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  • BastarD
    Confirmed User
    • Apr 2004
    • 6341
    #3301
    TeleBlond

    A blonde walks into an appliance store, and asks to buy a television set.
    "Sorry," says the owner. "We don't allow blondes in here." The blonde leaves and dyes her hair brown. The next day, she returns and asks to buy the television.

    "Sorry," says the owner. "We don't allow blondes in here."

    "Hey," says the blonde, shocked, "how'd you know it was me?"

    "You've been trying to buy a microwave."

      Comment

      • FrankHolland
        Confirmed User
        • Nov 2004
        • 7241
        #3302
        "The morning pouring everywhere, its golden glory on the air."
        NastyDollars

          Comment

          • VeriSexy
            Join The Royal Family
            • Apr 2002
            • 25463
            #3303
            PussyCash pays $100 per ImLive signup

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              Comment

              • BastarD
                Confirmed User
                • Apr 2004
                • 6341
                #3304
                Tennis Balls

                One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
                Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling.

                "What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.

                "Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back.

                "Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."

                  Comment

                  • FrankHolland
                    Confirmed User
                    • Nov 2004
                    • 7241
                    #3305
                    "It is good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure you haven't lost the things that money can't buy."
                    NastyDollars

                      Comment

                      • BastarD
                        Confirmed User
                        • Apr 2004
                        • 6341
                        #3306
                        nothing more boring..

                          Comment

                          • FrankHolland
                            Confirmed User
                            • Nov 2004
                            • 7241
                            #3307
                            "I don't like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves."
                            NastyDollars

                              Comment

                              • BastarD
                                Confirmed User
                                • Apr 2004
                                • 6341
                                #3308
                                Originally posted by BastarD
                                nothing more boring..

                                on our planet

                                  Comment

                                  • FrankHolland
                                    Confirmed User
                                    • Nov 2004
                                    • 7241
                                    #3309
                                    "If American men are obsessed with money, American women are obsessed with weight. The men talk of gain, the women talk of loss, and I do not know which talk is the more boring."
                                    NastyDollars

                                      Comment

                                      • BastarD
                                        Confirmed User
                                        • Apr 2004
                                        • 6341
                                        #3310
                                        Testing, Testing

                                        Why did the blonde take more than one pregnancy test?
                                        Because she slept with more than one guy.

                                          Comment

                                          • BastarD
                                            Confirmed User
                                            • Apr 2004
                                            • 6341
                                            #3311
                                            Thank You For Flying With Us

                                            A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had forgotten to turn off the P.A. system.
                                            ''As soon as I clock off'' he said, ''I'm going to have a nice cold beer and then screw the arse off that blonde flight attendant.'' The horrified flight attendant made a dash toward the cockpit, but tripped over in the aisle.

                                            A little old lady sitting there whispered, ''There's no need to hurry love, he said he was going to have a beer first.''

                                              Comment

                                              • FrankHolland
                                                Confirmed User
                                                • Nov 2004
                                                • 7241
                                                #3312
                                                "The value of money is that with it we can tell any man to go to the devil. It is the sixth sense which enables you to enjoy the other five."
                                                NastyDollars

                                                  Comment

                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                    Confirmed User
                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                    • 7241
                                                    #3313
                                                    "If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will Lose its freedom: and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money that it values more, it will lose that, too."
                                                    NastyDollars

                                                      Comment

                                                      • BastarD
                                                        Confirmed User
                                                        • Apr 2004
                                                        • 6341
                                                        #3314
                                                        The 69ers

                                                        What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL?
                                                        Two tight ends and a wide receiver!

                                                          Comment

                                                          • VeriSexy
                                                            Join The Royal Family
                                                            • Apr 2002
                                                            • 25463
                                                            #3315
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                                                              Comment

                                                              • FrankHolland
                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                • Nov 2004
                                                                • 7241
                                                                #3316
                                                                "No illusion is more crucial than the illusion that great success and huge money buy you immunity from the common ills of mankind, such as cars that won't start."
                                                                NastyDollars

                                                                  Comment

                                                                  • BastarD
                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                    • Apr 2004
                                                                    • 6341
                                                                    #3317
                                                                    The Amputee Blonde in the Tree

                                                                    How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
                                                                    Sit a kitty beside her.

                                                                      Comment

                                                                      • FrankHolland
                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                        • Nov 2004
                                                                        • 7241
                                                                        #3318
                                                                        "Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such."
                                                                        NastyDollars

                                                                          Comment

                                                                          • BastarD
                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                            • Apr 2004
                                                                            • 6341
                                                                            #3319
                                                                            The Blond Date

                                                                            A guy and a blond are on a date, and after dinner and a movie, they head on up to Makeout Mountain, where things get a little hot 'n' heavy. Then the guy leans over.
                                                                            "Do you want to go in the backseat?"

                                                                            "No." Unfazed, they continue making out. The guy trys again.

                                                                            "Do you want to go in the backseat?"

                                                                            "No." A little frustrated, the man decides to ignore it. They continue to get pretty into it. Soon, the man figures he can ask agin.

                                                                            "Do you want to go in the backseat?"

                                                                            "No."

                                                                            "Why not?"

                                                                            "Because I want to stay up here with you."

                                                                              Comment

                                                                              • FrankHolland
                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                • Nov 2004
                                                                                • 7241
                                                                                #3320
                                                                                "Ah, Hope! what would life be, stripped of thy encouraging smiles, that teach us to look behind the dark clouds of to-day, for the golden beams that are to gild the morrow."
                                                                                NastyDollars

                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                  • VeriSexy
                                                                                    Join The Royal Family
                                                                                    • Apr 2002
                                                                                    • 25463
                                                                                    #3321
                                                                                    PussyCash pays $100 per ImLive signup

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                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                      • BastarD
                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                        • Apr 2004
                                                                                        • 6341
                                                                                        #3322
                                                                                        The Blonde & The Coke Machine

                                                                                        It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.
                                                                                        And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"

                                                                                        And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"

                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                          • FrankHolland
                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                            • Nov 2004
                                                                                            • 7241
                                                                                            #3323
                                                                                            "Before borrowing money from a friend it's best to decide which you need most."
                                                                                            NastyDollars

                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                              • BastarD
                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                • Apr 2004
                                                                                                • 6341
                                                                                                #3324
                                                                                                The Blonde and Boyz II Men

                                                                                                Did you hear about the blonde who was so stupid she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center?

                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                                                                    • 7241
                                                                                                    #3325
                                                                                                    "A simple fact that is hard to learn is that the time to save money is when you have some."
                                                                                                    NastyDollars

                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                      • BastarD
                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                        • Apr 2004
                                                                                                        • 6341
                                                                                                        #3326
                                                                                                        I want to play Guild Wars

                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                          • FrankHolland
                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                            • Nov 2004
                                                                                                            • 7241
                                                                                                            #3327
                                                                                                            "If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gives it to."
                                                                                                            NastyDollars

                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                              • BastarD
                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                • 6341
                                                                                                                #3328
                                                                                                                The Blonde and Her Melons

                                                                                                                This blonde was walking down a road, when this guy came along. The blond was carrying a bag. The guy goes, ''What are you carrying?'' She goes, ''Melons.'' The guy goes, ''Cool. if I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?'' The blonde giggles and goes, ''If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them.''

                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                    • 7241
                                                                                                                    #3329
                                                                                                                    "If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work."
                                                                                                                    NastyDollars

                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                      • BastarD
                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                        • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                        • 6341
                                                                                                                        #3330
                                                                                                                        The Blonde and the Blinker

                                                                                                                        There was this blonde and her blond friend in her car.
                                                                                                                        The blonde driving looks at her friend and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                          • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                            • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                            • 7241
                                                                                                                            #3331
                                                                                                                            "A ready way to lose your friend is to lend him money. Another equally ready way to lose him is to refuse to lend him money. It is six of one and a half dozen of the other."
                                                                                                                            NastyDollars

                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                              • BastarD
                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                • 6341
                                                                                                                                #3332
                                                                                                                                The Blonde and the Deodorant

                                                                                                                                The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. ''I'm sorry,'' says the pharmacist, ''we don't have any.''
                                                                                                                                ''But I always get it here,'' says the blonde.

                                                                                                                                ''Do you have the container it comes in?''

                                                                                                                                ''Yes!'' says the blonde, ''I will go and get it.''

                                                                                                                                She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, ''This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.''

                                                                                                                                The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: ''To apply, push up bottom.''

                                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                                  • VeriSexy
                                                                                                                                    Join The Royal Family
                                                                                                                                    • Apr 2002
                                                                                                                                    • 25463
                                                                                                                                    #3333
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                                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                                      • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                        • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                        • 7241
                                                                                                                                        #3334
                                                                                                                                        "When money is seen as a solution for every problem, money itself becomes the problem."
                                                                                                                                        NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                                          • BastarD
                                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                            • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                            • 6341
                                                                                                                                            #3335
                                                                                                                                            The Blonde and the Doll

                                                                                                                                            Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
                                                                                                                                            A: About two cans of hair spray.

                                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                                              • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                • 7241
                                                                                                                                                #3336
                                                                                                                                                "I thought using the Ayatollah's money to support the Nicaraguan resistance ... was a neat idea."
                                                                                                                                                NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                                                  • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                    • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                    • 6341
                                                                                                                                                    #3337

                                                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                                                      • VeriSexy
                                                                                                                                                        Join The Royal Family
                                                                                                                                                        • Apr 2002
                                                                                                                                                        • 25463
                                                                                                                                                        #3338
                                                                                                                                                        PussyCash pays $100 per ImLive signup

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                                                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                                                          • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                            • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                            • 6341
                                                                                                                                                            #3339
                                                                                                                                                            The Blonde And The E-mail

                                                                                                                                                            A blonde was telling a brunette that her computer broke. So the brunette said she would check the blonde's e-mail for her. The blonde said, ''Cool! E-mail me and tell me what I got.''

                                                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                                                              • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                                • 7241
                                                                                                                                                                #3340
                                                                                                                                                                "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
                                                                                                                                                                NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                                    • 7241
                                                                                                                                                                    #3341
                                                                                                                                                                    "Whenever it is in any way possible, every boy and girl should choose as his life work some occupation which he should like to do anyhow, even if he did not need the money."
                                                                                                                                                                    NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                                                                      • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                        • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                                        • 6341
                                                                                                                                                                        #3342
                                                                                                                                                                        The Blonde and the Jumper

                                                                                                                                                                        A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
                                                                                                                                                                        The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, ?I'll take that bet!?

                                                                                                                                                                        Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, ?I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money.?

                                                                                                                                                                        The blonde replied, ?Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!?

                                                                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                                                                          • VeriSexy
                                                                                                                                                                            Join The Royal Family
                                                                                                                                                                            • Apr 2002
                                                                                                                                                                            • 25463
                                                                                                                                                                            #3343
                                                                                                                                                                            PussyCash pays $100 per ImLive signup

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                                                                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                                                                              • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                • 6341
                                                                                                                                                                                #3344
                                                                                                                                                                                The Blonde and the Librarian

                                                                                                                                                                                A blonde walks into a library and shouts "I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND SOME FRIES."
                                                                                                                                                                                The librarian says, "This is a library."

                                                                                                                                                                                The blonde says, "Yes I know. I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND FRIES.''

                                                                                                                                                                                And the librarian says, one more time, ''But this is a library, miss!"

                                                                                                                                                                                The blonde goes "Oh," and whispers, "I'll have a hamburger a coke and fries!"

                                                                                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                    • 7241
                                                                                                                                                                                    #3345
                                                                                                                                                                                    "Money is to be respected; one of the worst things you can do is handle another person's money without respect for how hard it was to earn."
                                                                                                                                                                                    NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                      • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                        • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                        • 6341
                                                                                                                                                                                        #3346
                                                                                                                                                                                        The Blonde and the Worm

                                                                                                                                                                                        Q: How does a blonde try to kill a worm?
                                                                                                                                                                                        A: Bury it alive!

                                                                                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                          • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                            • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                            • 7241
                                                                                                                                                                                            #3347
                                                                                                                                                                                            "Money mad. My wife says I spend money like a drunken sailor. Wonder what she'd say if I spent it like a sober congressman?"
                                                                                                                                                                                            NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                              • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                                • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                                • 6341
                                                                                                                                                                                                #3348
                                                                                                                                                                                                The Blonde and the Zipper

                                                                                                                                                                                                A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees an extremely beautiful blonde in a tight mini-skirt, and decides to get on the bus directly behind her. As the bus pulls up, she begins to board the bus, but cannot make the first step with her mini zipped. She reaches behind her and undoes the zipper. Then she attempts to board the bus, and once again she fails in her attempt. She reaches behind her once more and undoes the same zipper. She tries again to board the bus, and again she fails in her attempts. The young man finally decides just to lift her into the bus.
                                                                                                                                                                                                When he lifts her she yells, ?Don't get fresh with me!?

                                                                                                                                                                                                The young man just looks at her and says, ?Lady you've just undone my zipper twice, and now you say that I'm getting fresh with you!?

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                                    • 7241
                                                                                                                                                                                                    #3349
                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Only after the last tree has been cut down, Only after the last river has been poisoned, Only after the last fish has been caught, Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten."
                                                                                                                                                                                                    NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                                      • VeriSexy
                                                                                                                                                                                                        Join The Royal Family
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                                                                                                                                                                                                        • 25463
                                                                                                                                                                                                        #3350
                                                                                                                                                                                                        PussyCash pays $100 per ImLive signup

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