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BastarD

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#1951

12-03-2004, 03:04 PM

A Flaky Blonde

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.

''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
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#1952

12-03-2004, 03:05 PM

50th page
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#1953

12-03-2004, 03:06 PM

I mean 40th
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#1954

12-03-2004, 03:07 PM

A Side Order of Blondes

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"

"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.
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#1955

12-03-2004, 03:07 PM

justable Steering Wheels Are Funny

Why do blondes like cars with adjustable steering wheels?
Because they like more head room.
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#1956

12-03-2004, 03:08 PM

Adventures in Disneyland

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
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#1957

12-03-2004, 03:08 PM

After You

''Have you heard my knock-knock joke?'' asked the blonde.
''No,'' said the brunette.

''Okay,'' said the blonde, ''you start.''
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#1958

12-03-2004, 03:09 PM

Air Head on a Beer

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
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#1959

12-03-2004, 03:09 PM

Air Mattress

Q: What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up on each other?
A: An air mattress.
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#1960

12-03-2004, 03:10 PM

All-Time Favorite Blonde Hijinx!

How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)
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#1961

12-03-2004, 03:10 PM

Alligator Shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
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#1962

12-03-2004, 03:10 PM

Another Dumb Blonde

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
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#1963

12-03-2004, 03:11 PM

Another Saturday Night

Why do brunettes know so many blonde jokes?
Gives 'em something to do on Saturday night!
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#1964

12-03-2004, 03:11 PM

Artificial Intelligence in a Bottle

What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown?
Artificial intelligence.
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#1965

12-03-2004, 03:11 PM

Ash Blonde

How did the blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!
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#1966

12-03-2004, 03:12 PM

Atlantic Coast and a Blonde

What's the difference between the Atlantic Coast and a blonde?
The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs!!
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#1967

12-03-2004, 03:12 PM

Autoblonde

Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common?
A: They can both drive you crazy.
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#1968

12-03-2004, 03:12 PM
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#1969

12-03-2004, 03:13 PM

Gabrieeeeeeelleeeeeeeeeeeee.........
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#1970

12-03-2004, 03:13 PM

Gabrielle - Cradle Of Filth
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#1971

12-03-2004, 03:14 PM

From CD - Nymphetamine
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#1972

12-03-2004, 03:14 PM

Simply ROCKS your asssss
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#1973

12-03-2004, 03:14 PM

Backstroke Dolly

What do you get when Dolly Parton does the backstroke?
Islands In The Stream.
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#1974

12-03-2004, 03:15 PM

Bad Blondes, Whatcha Gonna Do?

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.

"Are their lights on?"

The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."
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#1975

12-03-2004, 03:15 PM

Bad Day Blondie

How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
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#1976

12-03-2004, 03:15 PM

Baking Chocolate Chip Cookies

How can you tell when a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?
There's M&M shells all over the floor.
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#1977

12-03-2004, 03:16 PM

Banana Peel

A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs.
"Here we go again."
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#1978

12-03-2004, 03:16 PM

Bang! I'm Blonde!

Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?
A blonde tried to shoot herself!
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#1979

12-03-2004, 03:16 PM

Nobody will join me ?
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#1980

12-03-2004, 03:17 PM

Barbie and Britney

Q: What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?
A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.
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#1981

12-03-2004, 03:17 PM

Bartender

A brunette walks into a bar and says, "Gimme an M L."
The bartender says, "What's an M L?"

The brunette says, "A Miller Light."

Another brunette walks in and says, "Gimme a B L"

The bartender says, "What's a B L?"

She says, "Bud Light."

A dumb blonde walks in and says, "Gimme a 15."

The bartender says, "What's a fifteen?"

The blonde says, "7&7, duh!"
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#1982

12-03-2004, 03:18 PM

Beware the Blonde Terrorist

Did you hear about the blonde that tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe!
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#1983

12-03-2004, 03:18 PM

Big Ben Blonde

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.
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#1984

12-03-2004, 03:18 PM

Bigfoot and Blonde

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Maybe someday we'll find Bigfoot.
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#1985

12-03-2004, 03:18 PM

Bimbo Joke

How does a blonde turn the light on after having sex.
She kicks the car door open.
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#1986

12-03-2004, 03:19 PM

Blond Father

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"
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#1987

12-03-2004, 03:19 PM

Blond Restroom Attendant

Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job?
A: He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!
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#1988

12-03-2004, 03:19 PM

Blonde & Cruise

A blonde co-ed is looking at a bulletin board and she sees a piece of paper that says, ''Ocean Cruise Only 5$.''
She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper. The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary. The secretary looks over to a burly guy reading a newspaper. She nods to the him. He stands up and knocks the blonde unconscious.

When the blonde wakes up she''s tied to a log and is floating down river. She starts to think that this was a bad idea. When she sees one of her freinds (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her, she says, "So do you think they''re going to serve us some food on this trip?"
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#1989

12-03-2004, 03:20 PM

Blonde & Turtle

Q: What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A: They're both screwed on their back.
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#1990

12-03-2004, 03:20 PM

Blonde - Contractor

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him. When the contractor came to her house they did a walk-through and he asked her what colors she would like. They came to the living room and she told him that she would like a nice, warm cream color. The contractor wrote something down on his pad, then walked to the window and yelled, ''Greenside up.'' The lady is a little confused, but doesn't say anything, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, ''I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark.'' The contractor writes something down on his pad, then walks to the window and again yells, ''Greenside up!'' The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, ''I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here.'' The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, ''Greenside up.'' The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, ''Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?'' The contractor replies, ''You see, I have four blondes laying sod across the street.''
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#1991

12-03-2004, 03:20 PM

Blonde - Death in the Family

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time.
''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!''
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#1992

12-03-2004, 03:21 PM
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#1993

12-03-2004, 03:21 PM

Blonde - Detectives

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.
''Easy,'' she replied. ''He only has one eye.''

The chief was stunned. ''He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!'' He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.

''He only has one ear,'' was her answer.

''What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!'' He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, ''How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.''

After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, ''He's wearing contact lenses.''

This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, ''How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!''

''Well,'' she said, ''he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?''
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#1994

12-03-2004, 03:22 PM

Blonde - Drowning

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless.
''Where have you been?'' asked the man.

''I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open!''
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#1995

12-03-2004, 03:22 PM

Blonde - Elmo Factory

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''
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#1996

12-03-2004, 03:22 PM

Blonde - Mating Call

What is a blonde's mating call?
''NEXT!''
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#1997

12-03-2004, 03:23 PM

Blonde - Transplant

How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
Blow in her ear.
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#1998

12-03-2004, 03:23 PM

Blonde - Two Coats

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite what everyone says, blondes really are smart.
While her husband is at work, she decides that she is going to paint the living room in their house. So the next day as soon as he leaves, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home after work and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a mink. He asks her what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the room.

He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but what's with her wearing the two coats?
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, ''FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!''
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#1999

12-03-2004, 03:23 PM

Blonde Alumna

What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
"Would you like fries with that?"
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#2000

12-03-2004, 03:24 PM

This shit is getting me bored
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