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Twelve Inch Pianist

This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it.

?Hey, what's that??

?A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a twelve inch pianist.?

?Can I try?? The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room.

?Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!?

?Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist??

Think i'll sleep...

Here I go with the 39 page

Damn these pages are going fast...

I think I will not

When do you intend on stopping ??

Two Middle Easterners Exchange Moronic Lies

A Syrian guy walked into a cafe. He sees a Lebanese guy eating croissants and jam.
Syrian Guy: "Do Lebanese people eat the insides of the croissants?"

Lebanese Guy: "Of course. Why? What's wrong with that?"

Syrian Guy: "Well for your information, the insides of the croissants are firstly recycled by the Syrians then sold to the Lebanese. Now as for the jam - do you guys eat jam?"

Lebanese Guy: "Of course. Why?"

Syrian Guy: "Well, you know the fruits are firstly peeled, eaten then the peels would be then recycled and then sold to the Lebanese."

Lebanese Guy: "Do Syrians have sex?"

Syrian Guy: "Yes, of course."

Lebanese Guy: "Do you use condoms?"

Syrian Guy: "Of course. Why?"

Lebanese Guy: "Well.. when the Lebanese use condoms they recycle them and sell them to the Syrians."

About 50 page and I will go to bed I suppose

Two Old Ladies

Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."

"What makes you say that?"

"He's using my hand."

Vampire Date

"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire.
"Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."

Vampires in a Bar

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, ''I'll have a pint of blood.''
The second one says, ''I'll have one, too.''

The third one says, ''I'll have a pint of plasma.''

The bartender says, ''So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?''

Very Robust Zacklies

"Where did you get those zacklies?"
"Zacklies?"

"Yeah, your breath smells zacklie like your butt!"

Koooool....



I think

Of course if I will not be banned

Just a fuckin BastarD.

Visiting Grandma...

''Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today!''
''Shut up and keep digging, boy.''

Warm and Moist

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

Watch Where You Step

A guy walks into a store. He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand. In his hand he's holding a big pile of crap. He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, ''Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."

Ways To Annoy Bathroom Friends

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, ''May I borrow a highlighter?''
2. ''Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that.''
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. ''Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.''
5. ''Damn, this water is cold.''
6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
7. ''Now how did that get there?''
8. ''Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.''
9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,''Whoa! Easy boy!!''
10. '' Interesting....more sinkers than floaters''
11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,''Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
12. ''C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
13. ''Boy, that sure looks like a maggot''
14. ''Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?''
15. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
16. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your ''Cross-Dressers Anonymous'' newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, ''Peek-a-boo!''
18. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing ''Born Free.''

We're Studying Hard

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the French study were released, Canada decided to conduct their own study. The Canucks didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00, the Canadian study was complete.

They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead!

Weiner Eater

What has 100 teeth and eats weiners?
A zipper!

What a Dump

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his butt.

What a Gasser

A young man goes home from a war to see his mother in the hills of West Virginia. She has never left the hills and has never seen anything like her son's uniform or gun. He shows his mother both items, then she asks about the grenades on his belt.
He says,?'Well, you pull the pin and throw it.?

She still doesn't quite get it, so he decides to demonstrate and throws it into the backyard.

The outhouse blows up and his mother cries, ?Son you shouldn't have done that! Your father was in there.?

And out crawls his father, all covered in dirt. He looks over at the hole and says, ?Good thing I didn't let that off in the house.?

You won't be banned for this

Are you sure ?

As in rules of GFY there isn't anything about pasting jokes to board

What is LXIX?

What is LXIX?
69, the hard way.

What's Black?

Q: What's black and sits on the roof?
A: A paraplegic after a house fire.

What's That, Tampon?

What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school?
I'll see you next period.

Cant wait to meet my girl again

After drinking 8 beers I'm holding on tight

What's Your Poison?

Once there lived a mother who had two sons who were very young. The mother only gave milk to one son and neglected the other son.
The milkless son decided to apply poison on his mother's breast so that the other son would get killed.

When he woke up the next morning he found that his father had died.

What, No Golden Goose?

A man comes home late one night, drunk.
"Where have you been?" asks his wife.
"In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!" This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.
"Do you have golden chairs?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden glasses?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden beer?"
"Yes."
"Do you have a golden urinal?"
"Hold on." On the other end, she hears "I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone."

Winnie the Pooh

Question: Why does Tigger smell?
Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!

Wizard of Oz

A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses. Which hits the ground first?
The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!

Just reminding, I'm not a fuckin bot, just a fuckin post whore

Women Pass Less Gas

Why do women pass less gas than men?
Because women don't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up pressure!

Workplace Farting: Options Explored

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking or a big lunch, the outcome is the same: Farts.
Seventy percent of the time, we can dispense freely. The other 30% of the time, such as at work, we have some tough decisions to make. This document is intended to help you in those decisions.

Holders - The obvious choice is just plain holding it in. A popular choice among the females and an almost impossible choice for males. I am not in favor of holding, as I believe the medical community has not done enough research about the long-term damage of holding. Really, where does it go if you hold it in? So be forewarned, using this tactic is to be done at your own risk.

Desk Jockey - When deciding to release right at your desk, one has many factors to consider:
- Do you have your own office? Feel free to fart at will risk free. After commencing, I highly recommend locking the door and feigning you are not in the office to avoid any unwanted visitors. I also highly recommend against spraying air freshener, as the smell of the freshener is a dead giveaway. Candles are a good alternative solution for the females.

- Are you seated at a cubicle or open desk? If so, one has to consider the proximity of the other workers and the density of workers in the area. If it is just you and one other person in the area, there is nowhere to place the blame. If others are fairly distant to you, the smell will dissipate by the time it reaches the others on all but the most egregious of days. There is always the chance of dispensing at higher decibels than anticipated due to the highly unstable nature of farts. In these most unfortunate situations, you will have to use cover up sounds such as scraping your heal on the floor. I recommend practicing making sounds covering a wide range of tones and pitches in anticipation of such an event. Dropping objects such as staplers, binders and tape may not produce a similar sound, but if done in rapid succession could distract others from the initial event.

Meetings: - Sometimes the urge strikes at the most inopportune time. Meetings and gas really do not mix. Releasing at a meeting is by far the trickiest of all the situations one could find oneself in. Although I am against holding in general, a meeting may be the time for it. It really depends if you have established baseline farts before the meeting. This will give you a sense of the decibel and scent level of what is to be expected. Warning: Do not ever use a meeting as the place to establish a baseline. Of course none of the above applies if you are meeting with vendors. You have free reign to do whatever you like.

Aisle Walker: - Releasing while walking around the office is a popular option. By the time the scent disseminates, you should be nowhere near the scene of the incident. The added benefit is that if the release is done at higher decibels than anticipated, you can break out into an all out sprint thereby fleeing the scene before others even look up to notice.

Broom Closet: - One option is to find a broom closet and release inside the closet. The only drawback is explaining why you were in the broom closet if you are caught entering or leaving the closet. I found stashing stationery supplies in the closet provides a nice excuse. People will love you for informing them about the backup stationery supply cabinet. Of course, you then have to find another closet, as your original place will become too risky.

And remember, if you're workplace has many open flames, you are on your own.

Yo Mama's Feet

Yo mama's feet are so scaly that they filmed Crocodile Dundee in her footbath.

Yo mama's so Nasty

Yo' mama so nasty, I asked what was for dinner and she spread her legs and said "Crabs!"

Yo mama's so nasty...

Your mama so nasty, that after we had phone sex I got an ear infection!

Any fans of me ?

Don't worry, now I'm having a little break

747

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been in a 747!

911

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.

A Blonde Party

What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?
Women!

A Blonde with Earrings

Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.

A Blonde's Brain At Work

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

A Blonde, the Beach, and...Beer?

Why doesn't the blonde want to drink beer on the beach?
Because she doesn't want to get sand in her Busch.